Anonymous wrote:I just say I did the best i could with the knowledge and resources that i had. And secretly think: just wait until YOU become a parent!

Great response. I’m using it!

I just spent three hours with my 22 yr old today. She did not. But, I am very up front with her about mistakes I made, things I wish I'd handled differently, etc. So she can just agree with me, and doesn't necessarily need to throw things in my face.

Personally, I like to hear their critique instead as there is no other way to know how I actually did and no one better to give feedback than the people who were there.

That being said, I wouldn't criticize my parents's flawed parenting as I feel like they did their best with the knowledge and resources they had.

No. Not really. I am sure we annoyed them at times (like they annoyed us), but we are by and large an easy going household. I am however the sole disciplinarian and strategist for their education, health, socialization and well-being. DH just wants to be the doting parent who does the fun things with them and he is more of a soft touch with the kids.

They used to criticize me now and then when I enforced rules especially when they were in HS, but once they went to college and heard the parental horror stories from their college-mates, they started appreciating me a lot more.

Anonymous wrote:Do they criticize your parenting? Do you feel they are grateful or ungrateful?

they don’t, but I am also very open about how I might have done things differently. So I critique myself and they usually agree and appreciate it.

College son once told us he wished we did a better job teaching him how to clean up after himself/keep his room clean, fold and put away laundry. Cue my eyes rolling to the back of my head! Tried so hard, this kid refused. We joke about it now

I think the only response to adult children criticizing the way you raised them is to listen. Any sort of defensiveness just shuts down the communication. And if they are bringing this up to you, they are looking for your help in repairing something you might have messed up.

We all make mistakes. But refusing to take responsibility for those mistakes continues the damage. Listening and les ring can repair the damage. So which one do you want?

My parents were wonderful parents in many respects when I was a child but there were things I wish they did different that I do differently with my own kids. I might talk about it with my husband, but not with anyone else. I feel no need to discuss this with my parents because what would be the point?

Oddly after I became an adult my parents became extremely cruel, which I and everyone around me has been shocked by. I have not discussed this with them specifically, I have simply distanced myself.

I am thankful for their parenting when I was a child. I do not appreciate how they now interact with me as an adult but I also no longer need a parent in that same way anymore so in my perspective it’s really no longer a parenting situation.

I mean, are the critiques valid?

I just say I did the best i could with the knowledge and resources that i had. And secretly think: just wait until YOU become a parent!

Grown children

Who they?

Who is they?

Bump

Do they criticize your parenting? Do you feel they are grateful or ungrateful?