Anonymous wrote:I would be insulted if my host gave me back my gift at the end of the evening.

I don't think that's hat is happening here. I think the guest is asking for their beer/wine back at the end of the night.

If it's a backyard BBQ I bring a cooler and drink from it and take it back. Sometimes I'll throw extra drinks into the communal cooler. If it's any other kind of party, I'll bring a bottle of wine, hand it to the host and drink whatever's being served.

I would be insulted if my host gave me back my gift at the end of the evening.

I'd think it was a hostess gift unless informed otherwise.

I have personally encountered this only once and I find it strange and tacky. I would not say anything of course, but in my mind if you bring something to a host’s house it’s for them to keep

Honestly I'd prefer it people take their alcohol because I don't drink and if it's around my husband will drink it and he really shouldn't.

I don't assume anything, and I really don't care. If they want to take it, they can; if they leave it, that's fine.

No, because my friends have class. What people bring to someone's home is a gift for the people hosting them. It's not "use it or lose it."

1) we never ever have "potluck" style meals in my house.
2) My dinner menus are set and I have cocktail and wine pairings planned. Guests can oick from 3 cocktails and then we have wine with courses.
3) If someone brings me a bottle of wine/beer/liquor, I thank them and put it in the butler's pantry. I do not ever serve during our evening.


Why is "potluck" in quotes? They are actually called potlucks. Your dinners are obviously very formal. Not everyone hosts in the same way so there may be no etiquette rule violated by having someone take home the alcohol they brought.

1) we never ever have "potluck" style meals in my house.
2) My dinner menus are set and I have cocktail and wine pairings planned. Guests can oick from 3 cocktails and then we have wine with courses.
3) If someone brings me a bottle of wine/beer/liquor, I thank them and put it in the butler's pantry. I do not ever serve during our evening.

Anonymous wrote:do you assume that they will want to take beer or wine that they brought but wasn’t drunk home with them?

It depends. Is it a potluck where everyone is bringing something? Yes, I'd offer to pack it up and give it back to them. Or are you truly hosting with a meal and it's meant as a hostess gift? Then, no.

No! I wouldn’t be offended if they asked to take it back but it wouldn’t occur to me to offer and I’ve never had that happen? It would definitely strike me as odd.

Especially because like if it’s a dinner, and they bring a bottle of wine, I think of that as a hostess gift. I wouldn’t necessarily open it for dinner? You’re already serving wine. The gift bottle is for the host to enjoy later, I thought. But if it’s gals for cocktails and people are bringing this or that, yes of course I would open it.

We host frequently. The only two who may bring their alcohol home with them are DHs two best friends of 30+ years. DH and I aren't really beer drinkers, so the one who brings beers will bring his back unless he's planning to come over again soon. The other one tends to bring over a few different bottles because he collects wine and then we will all choose a bottle or two to drink and he will bring home the rest.

I wouldn’t assume anything, I’d ask if they want it as they’re departing.

do you assume that they will want to take beer or wine that they brought but wasn’t drunk home with them?