OP, if you are still around, maybe find some meetups. It’s a great way to meet lots of different gay women from different walks of life. Everything from gold star lesbians to came out at 60 after kids and grandkids, and everything in between. You might not meet someone you want to date, but it is great to make friends as you explore the dating scene. And you might even meet someone you want to date.

Also I don’t think there’s a much of a hookup culture among gay women as there is for gay men. It’s out there if you look for it but IME most gay women want an emotional connection.

Why after 18 years you suddenly are dating women? In closest all those years?

The great thing about dating women is that we're (well, 99% of us) great communicators. In my experience, we don't play games. We're pretty direct when dating. "Hey, I had a lot of fun tonight but I'm not feeling a romantic connection." That's fine to say and unlike with men, is not met with things like "I didn't like you anyway" or "Good b/c you're ugly and I can't be seen with ugly."

Also, be prepared to stay friends with lots of women you go on dates with. That's not uncommon at all.

And finally, being more direct and open will probably work out in your favor as a baby gay. Older, seasoned lesbians can be weary of women who are newly out. Are they really out? Is this a game to see if they like playing on the other team?

You were stupid to play those games with men, and would be stupid to play those games with women.

Just pack your UHaul in case the first date goes well, and you'll be fine.

If you don’t want to play games, don’t play them. There’s nothing wrong with direct communication. If you enjoyed your first meeting with someone, then tell them so and let nature take its course. If you didn’t, then no need.

I’m dating for the first time in 18 years and dating women for the first time too. I’m a woman.

When I was young and dating men there were more “games” or “approaches” where you didn’t text them back asap and you sort of might go quiet to see if they text back first or just sort of approach your flirtation with a push and pull of energy. This seems rather immature when I write it out but you can I am surely understand what I mean.

Now the question that maybe is dumb or unanswerable—is this still part of dating and does it include when women are dating women or are there different sorts of “culture” or norms around this?

I feel like this language is not precise but trying to learn and understand a new world and not sure if this is part of it is new…?