Hi OP!

I struggled with the same doubts. Two big life-changes really validated the worth of compassion for me: Church and having children.

I used to be obsessed with career and perceived success; the second being mostly what other people thought of me.

But both are so temporary and shallow.

I will be my children’s parent until the day I die, and hopefully that day comes long after I retire, my career is over, and - frankly - my coworkers will have forgotten all about me.

As for faith: my life on earth is short. But reality goes on for eternity. Where / how will you spend your eternity? (atheists need not answer this last one; we all know your answer).

It has benefited me. I recognize the bad apples very fast now. Most people are kind back, but there are a lot of hurt people out there. They just don't have it in them to be kind. They are usually messed up in many ways. It's not an easy life.

Living around DC people certainly can make you question the value of being a nice person.

In some ways, yes, being kind hasn't "gotten me anywhere" in terms of getting ahead financially or professionally. But it's not about that for me. When I really think about it, I like being kind for my own personal benefit, it makes me feel good to be nice to others and to feel like I'm making someone else happy.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it doesn't help with people who also don't want to be kind but it does help with people who are. I have some close friends with people I really enjoy. For others I need other tactics.

This. There are some very transactional people in the world. You need to play at their level and not expend an extra ounce of kindness.

With others, being kind (which for me translates to spending time together or calling them “just because”) makes them feel good and me feel good.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like it doesn't help with people who also don't want to be kind but it does help with people who are. I have some close friends with people I really enjoy. For others I need other tactics.

That’s boundaries and remembering to be kind to yourself.

Check your motivations and your desires.

Kindness is not a tool to getting what you want. You still have to advocate for yourself and be self-serving at times. Otherwise you are trying to manipulate.

Kindness is a mindset or care and concern. An act of love and acceptance. If you aim to be kind in all ways, it pays off.

Kindness is a reward in and of itself.

I feel like it doesn't help with people who also don't want to be kind but it does help with people who are. I have some close friends with people I really enjoy. For others I need other tactics.

Yes definitely, but there are greater reasons than benefiting ourselves

Just the opposite. Kindness has only improved my life. It’s the sort of person I want to be.

I was just reflecting on how I’ve always taken pains to be kind, nice, helpful, etc and it has really only proved to be a burden. Of course, this is a testament to how effed up our world and society are, but if anything I think it gives people the sense that they can walk all over you.

It’s just my nature to be trusting and open. Even though I’ve experienced the worst things a person can experience. I don’t want to be rude, calculating, passive-aggressive etc but maybe that’s the only way.

OP, agree with you 100%. I have a "helpful" personality trait. Maybe overly-helpful.

I have felt lately that being kind gets you nowhere. I'm curious as to what others think and also examples.

I suggest reading The Charisma Myth. The book touches on what happens if our "kindness charisma" is not balanced with other ways of being.

For example, those who offer a lot of kindness might not be viewed as serious or smart by others.

I know that sounds terrible and we should strive to be nice people just to be decent but I’ve found that being nice/kind has not benefited me in the least and many times has come back to bite me. Does anyone else feel the same way?