Anonymous wrote:Stop offering to take people out for their birthday. It’s that simple. You can still be social and treat them if you want. Next time say, we want to take you out on Saturday to celebrate Groundhog’s/presidents/Valentine’s Day or just because. I am going to make reservations at *** restaurant. Are you free on the 3rd or 10th?

This.

Then say, "I'd like to take you out to ________ for your birthday!" Don't leave it open-ended. You walked into this one.

Yes, you can suggest something else, but please apologize, because you did issue a completely open invite!

Your invite should been specific including the location. You can't say a word about the cost of the place. YOU should have indirectly established that boundary when making the invite by suggesting the restaurant. At this point, just say logistically you can't make the place they picked work. Offer three alternatives and let them pick from those.

You can’t pay to garage park one time OP? I would suck it up or spring for an uber

Seriously it's just a dinner. Of course you let them pick, come on OP.

"I don't think that will work. How about another choice?"

Stop offering to take people out for their birthday. It’s that simple. You can still be social and treat them if you want. Next time say, we want to take you out on Saturday to celebrate Groundhog’s/presidents/Valentine’s Day or just because. I am going to make reservations at *** restaurant. Are you free on the 3rd or 10th?

Anonymous wrote:Who is the family member? Will the dinner be on their actual birthday?

I think you could respectfully say something like, “That place sounds awesome, and I totally get why you’d want to go there! I just realized the parking might be a little chaotic for us. How would you feel about [alternative place]? It’s a little more relaxed and still a great spot to celebrate.”

And definitely okay to suggest a spot for next year.

I like this. I'd focus on it being a little out of the way and the parking more than the price.

For next year, I would give a couple of different suggestions and say "We'd love to take you somewhere. We were thinking X, Y, or Z" (obviously all places that would generally be acceptable for the invitee, with food they generally eat).

I’d think I’d gently suggest that this option doesn’t work for you because (pick one) and then suggest some other options.

My MIL used to do the opposite- “treat” me to a birthday lunch but it would be extraordinarily difficult for me to get there and not really a place I liked. I did this two years in a row then told MIL that I’d prefer to celebrate quietly at home. I also hate celebrating my birthday so I want the day to be as low key as possible.

Is it a milestone birthday?

Who is the family member? Will the dinner be on their actual birthday?

I think you could respectfully say something like, “That place sounds awesome, and I totally get why you’d want to go there! I just realized the parking might be a little chaotic for us. How would you feel about [alternative place]? It’s a little more relaxed and still a great spot to celebrate.”

And definitely okay to suggest a spot for next year.

We need to know the family member and their age. Older parent I would accommodate.

If it’s out of your budget, I think that’s fine to say. I wouldn’t worry not suggest alternatives because of the parking. How far away is it?

Imagine you invite a family member out to dinner to celebrate their birthday.

What do you do when the person suggests a place that’s a logistical nightmare? We’ve invited a close family member out to celebrate their birthday and the place they’ve chosen is not at all what we had in mind. The location isn’t close to either of us, parking is a disaster, it’s super pricy with a dress code, and it’s just more complicated logistically overall than we had anticipated when we made the offer.

Other than just grinning and bearing it grudgingly, is there a way to suggest an alternative?

Also, for next time, is it ever ok to suggest the place yourself? Like, “We’d like to take you to Le Chef for your birthday. Is there a day works for you?”