Welcome to life

Op here—DS works his ass off and we continue to emphasize the need to focus on what he can control (his own performance). He isn’t jealous about playing time because they are both starters with very different roles on the team. Honestly I think he’s just tired of the drama—and as most of the boys have matured, this kid stands out more and more in that regard.

Pp makes a good point about parent attitudes and opinions filtering down and that’s why I’m venting here!

Try banging the head coach.

We have a kid on our u11 team that likes to criticize some other players for a variety of traits. 'So and so doesn't play Defense enough, so and so doesn't play offense enough.' It's easy for this kid to find fault with other players.
Then, I noticed something... her mom is exactly the same. Always gossiping, always asking the coach for exceptions or changes, always shouting instructions to her kid... I 100% know this parent takes about the other kids to her daughter.

What I am saying, is if your kid is concerned about other kids on the team.... make sure you are not directly influencing their perception of his teammates.

Unless you are playing the sport at an Elite level, the coach will probably not do alot about it. So, just take a long term, team sport attitude and help them develop ways they can help their teammates in a positive supporting way.

If you and him are too wrapped around the axle, maybe switch teams.

At 13/14 teams, coaches absolutely have the full team run sprints or do push ups as a punishment for something one kid is doing. If the kid cares about what his teammates think of him, it might incent him to shape up, but if he doesn’t care, the behavior will continue. The latter starts to wear thin on a team dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:[u]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your DS care that this kid goofs around and is lazy? It has nothing to do with him. DS should focus on his own improvement. The other kid is only hurting himself.

The coaches shouldn’t be tolerating the kid making fun of teammates, but that is not within DS’s control either.

Not OP, but if you've ever seen the tiniest bit of a team practice, it's pretty clear that one kid goofing off can derail things for everyone else.

DP. If kid was derailing practice the coaches would absolutely address it. Since OP had stated coaches don’t seem to care, it follows that practice is not being derailed for everybody else.

+1

Kids with behavior problems in our program get booted at the end of the year. No matter how much they contribute offensively, they're not worth the drama. I'm sure it depends on the club, though.

[u]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does your DS care that this kid goofs around and is lazy? It has nothing to do with him. DS should focus on his own improvement. The other kid is only hurting himself.

The coaches shouldn’t be tolerating the kid making fun of teammates, but that is not within DS’s control either.

Not OP, but if you've ever seen the tiniest bit of a team practice, it's pretty clear that one kid goofing off can derail things for everyone else.

DP. If kid was derailing practice the coaches would absolutely address it. Since OP had stated coaches don’t seem to care, it follows that practice is not being derailed for everybody else.

Anonymous wrote:Why does your DS care that this kid goofs around and is lazy? It has nothing to do with him. DS should focus on his own improvement. The other kid is only hurting himself.

The coaches shouldn’t be tolerating the kid making fun of teammates, but that is not within DS’s control either.

Not OP, but if you've ever seen the tiniest bit of a team practice, it's pretty clear that one kid goofing off can derail things for everyone else.

Why does your DS care that this kid goofs around and is lazy? It has nothing to do with him. DS should focus on his own improvement. The other kid is only hurting himself.

The coaches shouldn’t be tolerating the kid making fun of teammates, but that is not within DS’s control either.

Anonymous wrote:DS is beyond frustrated with a kid on his teammate who goofs off and is lazy, but still manages to be successful offensively because he’s a big kid and is coordinated. He’s also a bit of a bully and if he doesn’t like another kid on the team, everyone knows it. Yet coaches continue to select him despite this behavior because he’s physically strong and can produce offensively. A lot of these negative behaviors are defense mechanisms (ie he goofs off during sprints because he’s slow, he doesn’t put much effort into playing D because he doesn’t want to get burned and look stupid, he makes fun of others to distract from his weaknesses, etc), but we’ve been playing with this kid across multiple teams/sports for years and the behaviors seem to be getting worse (now 13/14u). At what point/age do coaches decide that the behavior isn’t worth it?

At no point. Usually. If a kid is producing & a key player on the team, that is usually all that matters. Things like attitude or missing practice etc is pretty much irrelevant. The rules are different for top/key players.

Eventually the kid will (probably) no longer be a top player- the older they get the harder it is to maintain that status- and then will have to follow the rules like everyone else. He’ll either fall in line or he won’t. But until then, he can do as he pleases.

Just being honest. 3 kids and have seen this many times.

OP I mean this sincerely (ie I am not trying to mock you or sound trite) but it sounds like this is a case of simple old fashioned jealousy.

Nobody wants the jerk who doesn’t try very hard to succeed when there are so many other nice kids working their butts off on the same team. But sometimes the jerks are really good at what they do, and they don’t have to try very hard to be better than their nice, hard-working teammates. It’s true in sports and it’s true in life.

I would advise you and your son to train yourselves to not fixate on this kid or worry about what he is or is not doing.

He also doesn't play D so he's on the basketball court to produce offensively for your son's team--the coach is going to take that tradeoff if he's as productive as it sounds like.

Ack “teammate”! Autocorrect is not my friend!

DS is beyond frustrated with a kid on his teammate who goofs off and is lazy, but still manages to be successful offensively because he’s a big kid and is coordinated. He’s also a bit of a bully and if he doesn’t like another kid on the team, everyone knows it. Yet coaches continue to select him despite this behavior because he’s physically strong and can produce offensively. A lot of these negative behaviors are defense mechanisms (ie he goofs off during sprints because he’s slow, he doesn’t put much effort into playing D because he doesn’t want to get burned and look stupid, he makes fun of others to distract from his weaknesses, etc), but we’ve been playing with this kid across multiple teams/sports for years and the behaviors seem to be getting worse (now 13/14u). At what point/age do coaches decide that the behavior isn’t worth it?