Anonymous wrote:If my mother tried to get me friends when I was 14, I would have been mortified. Stop hovering.

This seems to be less about actively recruiting his friends and more about whether and what advice to give.

If my mother tried to get me friends when I was 14, I would have been mortified. Stop hovering.

Get him social skills classes. ADHD diagnosis puts him behind socially- he needs to learn how to adapt in different circumstances.

Encourage him to do theater. If he doesn’t act, he can do stage crew, tech stuff. Generally welcoming group of 🏳️‍🌈 kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His friend group may just be shifting-just because he’s not close with the girls now doesn’t mean he can’t be. Whatever you do, don’t say anything!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling him that the boys aren’t responding well to this. He can make a choice what to do with that information. At least that way he won’t be blind sided if the boys distance themselves from him. He can proactively look for new friends.

If he was asking mom, sure she might delicately suggest “larlo and Liam may be getting closer bc they’re both so into lacrosse, don’t seem to be into dancing” but absolutely unless he is earnestly wondering and asking for moms input she should be quiet.

Anonymous wrote:His friend group may just be shifting-just because he’s not close with the girls now doesn’t mean he can’t be. Whatever you do, don’t say anything!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling him that the boys aren’t responding well to this. He can make a choice what to do with that information. At least that way he won’t be blind sided if the boys distance themselves from him. He can proactively look for new friends.

He's 14, of course he wants to talk about celebrity crushes and test out his style. His friendship group very likely may be changing and he will become closer to these girls. He may seem like the "token gay best friend" but they may really consider him a good friend.

If his guy friends don't want to be friends with him because he wears eye liner and enjoys dressing up and posting TikToks, it just means they are drifting apart. He shouldn't change who he is to be friends with anyone. 14 is a pretty average age of friends group changing.

He may be getting closer to the girls. You can encourage him to join LGBQT+ groups. The last thing you should do is tell him he needs to change himself in order to keep a group of friends.

Does he have any other friends that identity as lgbt?
I think he needs peers like himself.
My kid is adopted and AA ( we are white) we belong to an adoption support group and have found an offshoot group of 3 other AA girls in the same age range. We try and do an activity once a month. They are not her only friends but they do all value the time they have with each other.
Your son might benefit from a group for gay teens.
He also should feel free to he himself, wearing eye liner and talking about celebrity crushes us normal for teens. If he is being ostracized for that they weren’t good friends to begin with.

His friend group may just be shifting-just because he’s not close with the girls now doesn’t mean he can’t be. Whatever you do, don’t say anything!

I have a 14 yo who is gay and has ADHD. He’s very immature. His friends are a mostly quirky group of straight boys. He’s also friends with a couple of girls who are not mutual friends with the boys.

He’s started wearing eyeliner to school and talking more about boys (celebrities) he thinks are cute. And him and some of his girl friends are posting tik toks where they are dressing up and dancing. He is alienating his male friends and he isn’t that tight with the girls. The girls have their own friend group and he’s a little outside, like a mascot.

I don’t know what to do. If the boys drop him he will be very alone. I don’t know if I should say something to him or let this go.