Anonymous wrote:Ex dh and I have done thanksgiving dinner together w the kids, as well as Xmas. We want the kids to know that they still have a family although it looks different now. We live 10 mins apart from each other so thats easy to do and we can hang out together for a few hours and do stuff w the kids.

But a Disney vacation? Jesus Christ I would rather poke my eyes out with a rusty knife than vacation w him ever again. We are divorced for a reason.

My wife's blind and we didn't find the last comment funny. I'm not sure I'd like it if my kids said that in a journal. She also points out it's making fun of self harm with an everyday object (that belongs in a trash can) and visual disability.

I'm glad I married right the first time and don't have to worry about playing fake family. (She was blind when I fell in love with her.)

My uncle and aunt did this a lot in the beginning after they divorced but it tapered off rapidly after their remarriages. They’re still friendly but only gather at Thanksgiving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who ended up with a younger sibling this way. The parents did not reconcile/get remarried to each other. Just had a moment of weakness on the vacation.

Seems like most of my divorced friends still bang their exes regularly. Weird to me but human nature is what it is I guess, until the next best thing comes along. In one case it reignited a real relationship that has been sexless before.

You must run in v different circles than I. Im divorced and couldnt imagine a situation in which Id want to bang my exh again. I have a number of divorced friends, they all feel the same way.

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who ended up with a younger sibling this way. The parents did not reconcile/get remarried to each other. Just had a moment of weakness on the vacation.

Seems like most of my divorced friends still bang their exes regularly. Weird to me but human nature is what it is I guess, until the next best thing comes along. In one case it reignited a real relationship that has been sexless before.

I guess each family has to do what works for them.

It would never work for me, even with an amicable coparent relationship. But, we did surprise some people when we cooperated to throw our dc's wedding-we did it all ourselves (bride, groom and family). Some people on the other family's side didn't even realize we were divorced. For us, we are committed to still parenting our family, even though we are not married. We've done a few birthdays as well, and also some separate ones. But, I have no desire to spend vacation or holidays with him. That is my time with my kids.

I know someone who ended up with a younger sibling this way. The parents did not reconcile/get remarried to each other. Just had a moment of weakness on the vacation.

This is such an individual thing. Some people keep it cordial bc they have ongoing bills ahead of them. Other times it is more of a slow divorce situation. Sometimes it helps the kids understand why parents divorced. It doesn’t have to be confusing.

Anonymous wrote:Ex dh and I have done thanksgiving dinner together w the kids, as well as Xmas. We want the kids to know that they still have a family although it looks different now. We live 10 mins apart from each other so thats easy to do and we can hang out together for a few hours and do stuff w the kids.

But a Disney vacation? Jesus Christ I would rather poke my eyes out with a rusty knife than vacation w him ever again. We are divorced for a reason.

Right? way to ruin Disney for your kid.

I think it’s important to be able to be civil and even friendly during those times when you are all together - like custody switches, school events. But no reason to go beyond that. I have done a few holiday meals jointly in the first year of my divorce (mainly to accomodate elderly in laws I still care about) but I kind of feel like it’s a mistake. Nobody really wants Thanksgiving wrecked by the same bullsh*t disagreements and tensions we were trying to end.

As long as you are open and honest with your kids (in an age appropriate manner of course), why wouldn’t this be good and healthy? Showing them you still love them is never a bad thing. Modeling mature behavior isn’t a bad thing.

I don’t know a single divorced family where they are still taking vacations together. But mom and dad sitting together at school functions or being at a birthday party or sitting down to eat a holiday meal together is a very common thing for many divorced families.

If all it takes to confuse your kids about their parents getting back together is a dinner together every now and then or everybody being together for a few hours Christmas morning, you really need to talk to them openly about how they are feeling about the divorce and what it means to them and what they think is going to happen. They might even need to talk to a counselor about the divorce.

It's not really about confusing the kids. It's about whether the time is actually enjoyable. If it's going to be tense then it's not enjoyable.

A lot of divorcing couples start off with the best of intentions and wanting to minimize the change in their kids' lives. That's nice, but it isn't realistic. As PPs said, when one of them starts seriously dating, their new partner will want to be together on holidays, or they'll both go to the new partner's extended family, or want to stay home with new babies or whatever. So then that'll be another loss for the first batch of kids. OR, when a parenting or money disagreement comes up between the divorced couple (and new partners can intensify this), it can be hard to spend time together without the kids perceiving the tension. Big kids have big problems and parenting difficulties can be really intense. So sometimes it's better to have a more of a co-workers feel to your relationship with less pressure to get along in settings that mimic a nuclear family. Because it seems doable at first but can be very hard to sustain.

It's no good because the kids settle into a new normal, but then when one of the parents starts dating, things get weird again and change so it's another disruption. Better to have a little more distance and privacy.

If the kids don't like it, then it's not good to do. If they do like it and then you take it away from them, that's bad too.

I don't think it makes them think their parents will eat back together. But I'm a kid in that position and I've always found it super awkward and stressful. I always disliked it because it felt like my mom was trying to show off how "amicable" their divorce was, and actually it was not very amicable she just liked to keep up appearances. When my dad remarried he wouldn't do it anymore, thank goodness, but that conversation was very awkward too.

Ex dh and I have done thanksgiving dinner together w the kids, as well as Xmas. We want the kids to know that they still have a family although it looks different now. We live 10 mins apart from each other so thats easy to do and we can hang out together for a few hours and do stuff w the kids.

But a Disney vacation? Jesus Christ I would rather poke my eyes out with a rusty knife than vacation w him ever again. We are divorced for a reason.

Not confusing, just not too healthy imho. Like a mini heartbreak all over again when the family parts ways after a time together.

I remember my ex had to spend the night die to a super early appointment where we both had to be and he lived far away. My heart broke for my kid, he was just running around between me and his father, I can’t quite put my finger on it but he looked, idk, frantic? Confused? Shyly hopeful?

Do you think this is good and healthy for the kids, or does it confuse them and make them wonder why their parents aren't together? I'm talking about things like Christmas, Disney vacations etc.