I was a lost kid hiding my attention deficit and inferiority complex behind good grades, not knowing what I want. I ended up in a medical school even though I never set foot in a hospital or knew a doctor or even a nurse.

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing is normal. I have one kid (on the spectrum) who has always known what they wanted to do, and one (neurotypical) who doesn't know. I have to keep reassuring her because she's seen her older brother go through life with certainty on his narrowly-defined passions and goals.

Exact same dynamic in my house.


OP, it's more than ok that at 18 she doesn't know what she wants to do. I went back to grad school at age 40 -- our path is never stuck.

Not knowing is normal. I have one kid (on the spectrum) who has always known what they wanted to do, and one (neurotypical) who doesn't know. I have to keep reassuring her because she's seen her older brother go through life with certainty on his narrowly-defined passions and goals.

Mine didn't know and it worked out fine. I think its easier if you decide early on but also limits you.

Absolutely not! She ended up doing something very different from what we all expected. She was very into humanities and ended up in finance/accounting! She didn't take any math APs in high school, she actually HATED math. Took a few econ classes and really liked it/switched to the business school. She ended up being in the honors society in college and tutored kids in calculus and accounting! She's now headed to law school after working a few years.
I had no clue, my dh had no clue. We're both very successful and had a few detours along the way. The journey of discovery can be joyful. Don't put too much pressure on her.

Yes. Both of our children did know.

Mine thought he wanted to be an equine vet, but wasn't thrilled when he realized what it meant to go out in the snow in the middle of the night, or be kicked and stepped on routinely, so he eventually switched to small animals. He and a friend are soon opening a cats-only practice.

Anonymous wrote:My dd has absolutely no idea. She is off to one of our state schools in the fall and I wonder how she will find her way. She is interested in many things, but without concrete plans. She tells me she is very worried about picking the right major, what if this major isn't conducive to finding a job, what if it is but it's a job she hates...How did it work out for your child?

Take interest in studies, join activities and have fun, things will align themselves.

Don't worry about it. I have multiple cousins who changed majors 3-5 times. Even if you know you may change your mind. Think of how many people think they want to become a doctor and then take organic chemistry and change their minds.

Doesn’t matter what she majors in, she can major in History if she wants she doesn’t thave to be pre professional although an accounting track is a guaranteed feeder…. The key to landing a job quickly after college is Skills…excel, data, analytics, coding, sql, digital anything, lab work, research, statistics, graphic design, writing, editing, producing, music, etc. and she can gain these through clubs, pt jobs, internships, and also through wisely picking her classes some classes are theory based and some introduce a skill or technology or tool. Make sure she picks a mix.

Only one of my ACs stuck with their original plan, hatched sophomore year of high school which was launching a tech business. The others all ended up in different fields than they thought they would. We did not push school as a path to career X that will pay Y. We always told them we supported their freedom to choose what to study, and when those choices didn’t have a clear career path, we encouraged them to create one.

A few people know what they want to do at 18 (not me!), but most really don’t. I think part of the benefit of college is finding things you’re passionate about and trying different things. We strongly encouraged them to make sure that they made effort with their professors, and clicking with mentors definitely helped them find their grooves.

Especially at a big state school, your daughter likely has Gen Ed to fulfill. I would tell her to stop worrying and see what she loves. Find your passion and then figure out how to make it pay you. Tell her it is fine to be open to possibilities now.

My cousin has had a very successful career in engineering and hated every minute of it. Her parents pressured her because she was so good at it. She loved art history. She’s spent her adult life wasting away dreading each day. Yes, she makes money, but she is so drained she doesn’t enjoy it. She should have studied what she loved and made it work.

H left his science career which he loved for tech. He thought it would be more lucrative and stable. He doesn’t hate his work but he doesn’t love it, and it’s not that stable- I think we actually would have been better off if he hadn’t made the change, and he would have been happier.

My two in college had an idea of what they wanted to go enough to know which majors they wanted.

My 15 year old has no clue yet but know what areas he does well in vs what he doesn’t. I can see him still not knowing by the time he goes to college.

Anonymous wrote:My dd has absolutely no idea. She is off to one of our state schools in the fall and I wonder how she will find her way. She is interested in many things, but without concrete plans. She tells me she is very worried about picking the right major, what if this major isn't conducive to finding a job, what if it is but it's a job she hates...How did it work out for your child?

Did you know at age 18? Just curious as why you are worrying. Most people have mulitple careers and it doesn't do any good to worry.

Two of my three were pretty clear on what they wanted to do and they did it. My third did not. But she found her way and is incredibly successful.

My dd has absolutely no idea. She is off to one of our state schools in the fall and I wonder how she will find her way. She is interested in many things, but without concrete plans. She tells me she is very worried about picking the right major, what if this major isn't conducive to finding a job, what if it is but it's a job she hates...How did it work out for your child?