OP here, sorry about the terminology issue, I am new to the special needs board, was thinking NT meant not Autism. I apologize for offending anyone.

And thank you to all of the posters, this is really helpful, especially the parent of the 10 year old, I wish I had pushed my husband to do this years ago.

Just a heads up - Your subject is "How to frame psycho-ed testing for my NT 11 year old".
You go on to say that you have had concerns about potential dyslexia/dysgraphia for years concerns about slower processing time and anxiety. The term neurotypical (NT) includes anyone who does not have ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, or any other condition that would be considered neurodivergent.
I would guess that your 11 YO is not NT - just does not have an official assessment.

I think you framed it in the right way: We want to learn more about how you learn, to shape how you're taught.

Tell your spouse that "just anxiety" can be debilitating. My adolescent's neuropsych exam showed extraordinarily high testing scores in every academic domain but also revealed incredibly high anxiety. It's hard to focus and concentrate when your interior emotional life is in absolute turmoil. Treatment of anxiety can be essential.

18:38 again. Forgot the most important part. He read his own report, at 10 years old, and I went over it with him in detail. He told me it was a huge relief to know what was going on with his brain, and I think that's very understandable feeling. He'd spent many years thinking something was terribly wrong with him, but not knowing what it was. Having a name for his various issues (and a functional explanation of neurotransmitter production and release dysregulation) made him more confident in his ability to cope and manage himself.

My son was tested at 10, due to similar husband shenanigans. I said: "We're going to see how your brain works, because we think we can get the school to give you more help so that you get better grades and feel better about yourself." I was pretty gung-ho, because the ADHD was obvious to everyone except my husband (who has ADHD and ASD, is in denial about it, and thinks this is normal). Since I'm a scientist, I explained what ADHD was, and how fascinating it is to be able to assess cognitive functions with simple brain-teaser type questions. I really sold it as a wonderful scientific experiment he was lucky to be part of

The neuropsych found not only severe ADHD, but also a likely ASD diagnosis (that was confirmed with additional testing), dyscalculia, dysgraphia, anxiety, and exceptionally low processing speed. We used the report to beef up his already existing IEP. He was at a school with a great special needs team that had already recognized the severity of his needs, but the report doubled his extended time accommodation from 50 to 100%, allowed the use of a calculator for math tests, and gave him access to a resource class for extra help and time on assignments. He already had a typing accommodation.

Be upbeat and positive, OP. You are doing the right thing.

I don't know that you need to say anything else, but you could add, "I know that reading and math have been hard for you. You've been working really hard with the tutor, but this testing is going to show if there's something we or the school can do to make it easier for you."

Neuropsych provider here! I don't normally recommend parents to ask their children but instead frame it as something they are going to do. Depending on the child, I would say "you are going to meet with a special doctor/teacher today! You are going to do some different activities together to learn more about how your brain works and what you are really good at." Most kids do well with that explanation, especially those who generally have a positive mood and can handle changes in their routine.

You don't need to say anything else. I wouldn't have given her the option. You as the parent do what is in her best interest. Does a 2 yr old want to get vaccinated? No, but you force it because it's what is best for them.

Just let her know the night before she won't be going to school but still has to get up and dressed at the same time. The person administering the testing will explain everything else.

I've had concerns about my child's potential dyslexia/dysgraphia for years now but my husband has only just now been convinced to allow me to go ahead with the testing (he's not happy about it). My child is behind in reading but we used tutors for 4 years and is better - I thought dyslexia (my FIL is dyslexic) but husband thought it was just lack of phonics instruction. She is also behind in math and we've been working with a math tutor for the past year who says she does great in tutoring, but might have slower processing times. My husband thinks it's just anxiety. So anyway there could be nothing going on, or there could be, and I am spending the money to get her tested before middle school. How do I frame the testing to her? So far, I asked "would you like to get tested to see how your brain works because everyone's brain works differently and if we find how your brain works, maybe we can also find better ways for you to learn?". And she was amenable to that. Any other suggestions before the testing sessions, especially since she'll be missing school for them?