How careful is he with money--does he pay bills on time? Does he live within his means? Is he wisely generous? Has he saved for retirement?

Money is huge source of tension within many marriages. Be sure you don't end up with someone who is careless or too stingy.

If he jokes around in a mean way, he's an asshole. These can be comments directly to you or something he says in front of others. I had an ex who used to sing the Jell-O song when I wore shorts...like my ass was jiggling like Jell-O--and I was not overweight at all. When I told him it hurt my feelings, he said he was just joking and that I shouldn't be so sensitive. That reminds me of another one: does he take your feelings seriously or does he dismiss them?

My husband is a great guy and has never said an unkind word toward me. Ever. It goes both ways. I don't say hurtful things to him either.

How does he treat people that have no ability to help him or are expected to be subservient?

Does he lose his temper easily; if so, does he come back down easily?

Is he willing to stand up to you when necessary?

I think you have to have sex before you marry. If you are not sexually compatible, your marriage is more likely to fail.

How he treats waiters and cashiers.

I actually think the family thing is kind of a red herring. Even bad guys are sometimes good to their moms.

When a friend asks him to move, does he do it graciously without asking for anything in return? That's how I knew my DH was a good guy.

He was the same consistant guy during the 5 years we were together. With me, with his family, with his friends, etc.

He drank, but he never got over the top crazy drunk.

He never called me at 4 in the morning from jail (ex husband did).

Guys nights were few and far between, when he said "I'd rather sit on the couch and watch TV with you" - he means it. We've been doing that for years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married women especially, who are happily married to a good guy - -please share the signs you saw in him that tipped you off while still dating that he was/is a good guy?

He didn't try to convince me he was a good guy. (The ones that did turned out to be scoundrels)

He wouldn't have sex with me until we were married.

He didn't play games or make me guess his feelings.

Yikes! Weird.

He respects his parents.

When he makes mistakes he has honest intentions of regret and wanting to improve.

He's not into strip clubs.

Anonymous wrote:Married women especially, who are happily married to a good guy - -please share the signs you saw in him that tipped you off while still dating that he was/is a good guy?

He didn't try to convince me he was a good guy. (The ones that did turned out to be scoundrels)

He wouldn't have sex with me until we were married.

He didn't play games or make me guess his feelings.

Does he remember things that you tell him? Example, if you told him that your friend Lisa was coming over next week. Does he want to make plans next week? Does he remember you have a friend coming over? Does he want to spend ALL of his time with you? Does he get mad when you want to see your friends? Does he demand all of your time? Is his place a mess or is his place crazy neat - watch out for both, his place should be neat but not too neat.

Does he tell you that he's a bad guy? If he does, listen. "I'm an asshole, but people love me." - he's saying, he's an asshole. Run away. He's saying he's fake and charming, but really he's an asshole when you get to know him and he'll treat you like crap.

How does he treat wait staff? That's how he'll treat you.

Does he do his own laundry? Does he cook? If he doesn't do any of these things, he will most likely expect someone (a future wife) to do these things in the future. Does he have a housekeeper? How does he treat her?

Does he have a temper when he's on the phone with customer service people? Does he slam the phone? After one of these eposides does he seem embarrased and "make it up to you?"

Run away.

Signed, the former wife of an abusive husband.

Has he had other long-term relationships? Is he still on speaking terms with these women? Does he at least not refer to all of them as "crazy bitches" and blame them for the demise of the relationships?

Carefully observe which people he treats like crap.

There are no guarantees in life.

What does he say about his family of origin? I don't necessarily think divorced parents are a dealbreaker, but does he complain about his family? Never visit? Not speaking to mom/dad/sister/brother? On the other hand, is he too attached? Speaks to mom three times a day? Bad sign.

Is getting to know you and being with each other a priority? Is he constantly on the phone/email/blackberry etc. when you are around? Are you? Does he listen to you, really, or is he just waiting for his turn to tell his "stories"? Can you cry in front of him?

Does he want you to get to know his friends, and welcome getting to know yours?

Is he judgmental? Make comments about your clothes, looks, neighborhood, job needing to change in some way? Do you feel that HIS clothes, looks, neighborhood, job, etc. need to change in some way -- because they won't.

Does he drive a sports car? Bad sign.

Sports car with college logos pasted on it. Avoid him like the plague.

Sports care with college, law school/business school logos. He's dead to you.

Married women especially, who are happily married to a good guy - -please share the signs you saw in him that tipped you off while still dating that he was/is a good guy? I seem to have my radar set on the wrong frequency and could really use insight into what other women recognize in dating relationships that their guy is marriage material, and more than that, that he's going to be a great husband, friend and father.