Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I visit at least 2-3 times a week and usually bring my kids (we live fairly close now). My sister has also come, along with my aunt and cousin. (For being there 2 weeks, she's had a lot of company.)

This is great ❤️
I echo the suggestion to find ways to get her out and about. It will be so good for her mind and body. I hate the DCUM mantra to just chuck people in a facility and let them rot because “they all say/do it,” or “they won’t remember.” People with dementia are still people, and as the newness of the facility wears off, it is natural that it feels confining.

I posted already, but one thing that was suggested to us was to visited less for a while so she feels more of a push to form friendships where she doesn't get to run the show and has to exercise social skills. I wouldn't do this on my recommendation-every person is different, but just keep an open mind if a professional suggests it to you. It helped....A LOT. Things escalated with MIL when we first pulled back, but then she got connected enough that she liked being there and we didn't feel pressure to be her whole life. Plus she was easier to be around and it was fun to see her smiling more there. If we had to miss a visit once she was acclimated it wasn't a big deal. The staff shared some nice stories about her sometimes being a leader there, sometimes thinking she was back at work and these were her favorite coworkers, etc.

Anonymous wrote:“Home” may not be the house in which she lived, but a feeling of familiarity that is lost due to the condition.

Keep her active as long as possible. Agree to take her home “later” or “soon” or after the renovation is done.

This. It's common. Also, therapeutic lies can help like the one mentioned above. If there is a good director or social worker at the AL brainstorm with that person what might help. You could use a variety of therapeutic lies such as "the house is being fumigated and then we have to fix some things. It will be another month." It might be finding the right activities there to join or having a person who works there help connect her with others who might be a good match socially. It might be trying to find more ways she can have control over her environment and choices or assigning her a "job"/task there she might enjoy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I visit at least 2-3 times a week and usually bring my kids (we live fairly close now). My sister has also come, along with my aunt and cousin. (For being there 2 weeks, she's had a lot of company.)

This is great ❤️
I echo the suggestion to find ways to get her out and about. It will be so good for her mind and body. I hate the DCUM mantra to just chuck people in a facility and let them rot because “they all say/do it,” or “they won’t remember.” People with dementia are still people, and as the newness of the facility wears off, it is natural that it feels confining.

OP here. Yes, I visit at least 2-3 times a week and usually bring my kids (we live fairly close now). My sister has also come, along with my aunt and cousin. (For being there 2 weeks, she's had a lot of company.)

Are you visiting her? Not every day but on a regular basis? If not, maybe you can. Or you can take her out on day trips.

“Home” may not be the house in which she lived, but a feeling of familiarity that is lost due to the condition.

Keep her active as long as possible. Agree to take her home “later” or “soon” or after the renovation is done.

I think the more time you can buy, the better. So rather than saying "no" say - "you've only been here two weeks. Let's give it a few more weeks and see how it goes."

And help her seek out some of the younger people. A friend or two makes a big difference.

They all say they want to go home, OP.

Agree with the idea to get her a companion a couple times a week.

Also, make sure she does not have keys to get into her old house and anyone who visits won’t take her there.

Maybe you can hire someone as a companion to come and take her out once or twice a week. Shopping, walk in the park, etc.

If the facility has off-campus activities, make sure she is signing up for them.

Getting out and about in the world while still physically active is a good way to keep her spirits up.

Ignore her complaints. Honestly, you shouldn't even have this on your mind - it's not helping.

More time and passive resistance. Don't help her with this, she won't be able to accomplish it on her own. So just let her talk and make sympathetic noises.

People with dementia do say they want to go "home" even if they are in their long-time residence and never moved. It's part of the condition.

My mom likely has dementia and has been living in assisted living for about 2 weeks. It was an effort to get her there, but I think at the end she wanted to because she realized things weren't working. (I pushed, but she agreed and she wanted to see the options.)

But now she's going between loving the place and wanting to go home because everyone is so old and she doesn't fit in.

She's right, in that she's great physically. And she's improved a lot mentally from living there (she's on a schedule, eating, getting meds, seeing people). But there are still significant memory issues.

Any ideas on how to handle, other than just giving it more time?