Don't be with someone who expects you to lower yourself for them. Be with someone who helps you achieve your dreams.

I met my spouse in college, we spent a lot of time studying together, we supported each other through our respective post college schooling. He did bar exam flashcards with me, I read his thesis and helped him prep for his thesis defense.

1) Avoid men who are condescending--to you or anyone. There is always so much wrong with someone like that.

2) Make your own money and save for your own retirement.

3) Do not marry an alcoholic or substance abuser. I don't care how much you love someone, the next years will be brutal.

Don't settle for less than 8

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get a tattoo if you want a good man to marry you.

What is the man has tattoos?

Anonymous wrote:Look at your future FIL. That is who you will be married to in 20 years. Not in all cases, but often holds true.

That's not true. My DH and his brothers are nothing like their father.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t give up your career.

Work on maintaining sexual chemistry

Be patient but don’t compromise your standards

Save money

Don’t just get married because your “clock is ticking” or friends are all getting married.

Don’t ignore red flags

These are good. I'd combine it with PP's point that ultimately you can only control yourself, and if your husband flakes out, you will be strong and capable enough to peel yourself off the floor and rebuild your life.

Don't marry and addict (alcoholic, porn, gambling, religion, sex, etc.)
Don't marry someone with a bad credit rating.
Don't marry someone with mental health problems or comes from a dysfunctional family.
Don't marry someone who has been divorced or has kids.

Marry someone who is hard working, honest, loyal, kind and shares your interests.

To find one like their dad. I'm so grateful they have him as an example.

Find someone who makes you feel better about yourself and you makes you want to be a better person.

In addition to that, make sure you're financially independent on your own. That doesn't mean you can't stay at home (although I never did), it means don't be stupid.

Anonymous wrote:My mom told me to only marry a man whose job I could understand. My dad is a PhD scientist.

There was a kernel of wisdom in that.

Was she saying - marry someone you are intellectually compatible with? I’m not sure I’m following the rationale.

Don’t give up your career.

Work on maintaining sexual chemistry

Be patient but don’t compromise your standards

Save money

Don’t just get married because your “clock is ticking” or friends are all getting married.

Don’t ignore red flags

My mom told me to only marry a man whose job I could understand. My dad is a PhD scientist.

There was a kernel of wisdom in that.

Look at your future FIL. That is who you will be married to in 20 years. Not in all cases, but often holds true.

Don’t get a tattoo if you want a good man to marry you.

The advice I’ve given is to wait until you’ve achieved your educational goals before starting any relationship, that a partner should Support and encourage your goals, and should always make you feel safe and comfortable.
For maintaining a good relationship, communication and respect and honesty. And remember, you can only control yourself. Your partner may flake, no matter what.

What advice would you give your daughter regarding how to pick a man that would be a good husband and father? What advice would you give about maintaining a marriage? I need your collective wisdom!