Just to be clear, he is on a high level team (ECNL-R and or above perhaps?), and yet the High School Coach will not play him for less than optimal play?

I would think at 15, his teammates are giving him a dose of reality about his playing abilities?

We have a 10 year old who sometimes plays this way too, unproductive with the ball and jogs on the field, yet she thinks she is amazing. We can sympathize with your issue.

We just tell her she did awesome and praise her work efforts and ask her to work harder. There is no way for us to get through to her without damaging her confidence. The only real solution is to have another coach or trainer help work on these things. You will likely have to go find someone who can fill that role. Hopefully, it is one of his 2 coaches who can do that. If not, you got to get someone else to do that for it to sink in.

Also, you might have to do a film study or use a fitness tracker to point out his actual metrics.

It's hard being a caring parent, with all the knowledge in these aging bodies. The trick is passing that knowledge down to our kids effectively. -Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Win or lose, "I loved watching you play. What are 3 things you think you did well and what are 3 things you want to work to improve?"

This is a conversation for ulittles, not 15 yr olds.

We don’t say anything in general. If a kid plays high level, knowing when they played well or not is a trait they should have or will develop. But I feel that comes with good coaching and it sounds like ur son has not gotten it? A coach told me that: ur kid knows when he’s playing like crap.

If we do comment, it’s on effort or work rate, not on decision making on the field.

But parental feedback usually is taken better through someone else so getting him a trainer who’ll share this feedback is also a good idea

They think they are playing amazing because they played their best in that game and it felt good. Tell them it was great and you could tell they were working hard.

You sound like you want us to give you permission to criticize your dibs playing and tell him that actually he didn’t play well. Sorry, buddy-permission denied.

At 15 they are close enough to the age to let circumstances be the feedback. Meaning, if they are aiming for college soccer, interest from college coaches will tell them how they are doing. Or getting chosen for selection teams. If college soccer is not the goal, then who cares how they are playing just have fun.

Another question you need to ask yourself is why do they seek your validation after games? If you are this critical and pointing out their failings on an anonymous message board, I can only imagine how your kid received your feedback and expectations as they grew up playing soccer. They seek your validation because you set these expectations and disappointments over time. It’s time for you to let them play for themselves and not to please you.

Your response should be “I enjoyed watching you play. Did you have fun?” And that’s it. Imagine if you critiqued every one of their activities like you do soccer. If they went to the beach would you ask if they attacked or were scared of the waves? Or would you just ask if they had fun?

Win or lose, "I loved watching you play. What are 3 things you think you did well and what are 3 things you want to work to improve?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well. Coach doesn’t coach, part of the problem. No feedback at all. And this is high level team. Kid has very high college play hopes but no way will they get there playing like this. So again I always keep it positive but it’s a tough place to be. Examples: always safe short passes. Way more pass back than find a way up. Scared to make contact to win a 50 / 50 ball and don’t commit to win. Can send great long balls but doesn’t. Not vocal. Jogging not sprinting. Yet comes off field thinking they were brilliant. High school coach didn’t play them for these reasons. WWYD?

Age?

15

You might consider a personal trainer to reinforce the skills and mentality needed to play aggressively. My fact set is very similar to yours (a bit younger), and that's what we successfully did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well. Coach doesn’t coach, part of the problem. No feedback at all. And this is high level team. Kid has very high college play hopes but no way will they get there playing like this. So again I always keep it positive but it’s a tough place to be. Examples: always safe short passes. Way more pass back than find a way up. Scared to make contact to win a 50 / 50 ball and don’t commit to win. Can send great long balls but doesn’t. Not vocal. Jogging not sprinting. Yet comes off field thinking they were brilliant. High school coach didn’t play them for these reasons. WWYD?

Age?

15

Thanks for the no snark as requested. Super helpful. You’re providing awesome advice, hope you feel really good about it

Anonymous wrote:Well. Coach doesn’t coach, part of the problem. No feedback at all. And this is high level team. Kid has very high college play hopes but no way will they get there playing like this. So again I always keep it positive but it’s a tough place to be. Examples: always safe short passes. Way more pass back than find a way up. Scared to make contact to win a 50 / 50 ball and don’t commit to win. Can send great long balls but doesn’t. Not vocal. Jogging not sprinting. Yet comes off field thinking they were brilliant. High school coach didn’t play them for these reasons. WWYD?

Age?

Your expectations are too high, you are rigid, you’re full of yourself, your ego is getting in the way of bonding and living your child.

What does your therapist say?

Well. Coach doesn’t coach, part of the problem. No feedback at all. And this is high level team. Kid has very high college play hopes but no way will they get there playing like this. So again I always keep it positive but it’s a tough place to be. Examples: always safe short passes. Way more pass back than find a way up. Scared to make contact to win a 50 / 50 ball and don’t commit to win. Can send great long balls but doesn’t. Not vocal. Jogging not sprinting. Yet comes off field thinking they were brilliant. High school coach didn’t play them for these reasons. WWYD?

I love how you [and then you state something true- find the one or two things you can comment on during the game]. Leave it to the coach to coach.

Sincere post, keep snark to a minimum please.
Kid is decent but inconsistent player. Sometimes comes out of a game thinking they played amazing, but they really really didn’t. I don’t care, except they are looking for validation from me that they played like some pro player, and I just can’t bring myself to say it. I am always positive, but won’t say yeah you were the best of the bunch, when they clearly were not.
What do you do in this kind of situation? Fib, be honest, or try to hedge? What is healthiest for the kid?