Anonymous
01/16/2025 21:38
Subject: Re:Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
What does your child want to do? She is old enough it is worth considering her opinion. Does she want to go to public school where the classes should be big enough she could find ‘her people.’ Does she want a different private. Hearing all the other girls in her class discuss parities she is not invited to is damaging. And, it says something about this group that they are not even kind enough not to talk about events in front of excluded kids. My suggestion is exit the school since you have proven it is not socially a good fit for her and there are many many other schools in our area.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 20:38
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 6th grade and is quiet and introverted, but friendly. She is at a new private school this year that is supposedly known for its close-knit, welcoming student population. She has a few friends who she isn't super close to, but who she knows well enough to have had playdates with (they have been to our house, I've met them, they seem like nice kids). She heard from one of these friends today that most or all of the girls in their class (probably 10 kids or so) are having a sleepover this long weekend (I'm not sure if it's a birthday party, or if there is a special occasion, or what). Apparently they were talking about it loudly in class today. She has been sobbing since I picked her up from school.
This is not the first incident of this type. My daughter has not been invited to a single birthday party this year, and although she has had a couple of one-on-one playdates with classmates (orchestrated by me), she has never been invited to go with the group to the mall, or the movies, or whatever. She also hates the fact that the girls talk about it in class right in front of her (which she obviously can't control, but it still sucks). When she had a sleepover birthday party, only four of her classmates came.
I understand that friendships take time, but we are halfway through the school year, and I figured that since the class is so small, my daughter would not have a difficult time getting to know people. We switched to this school because it has good academics, but now I'm wondering if that was a big mistake, and if we should look into other options for next year. Thoughts?
I would reach out to her school, probably specifically her teacher, and see if you can get a take from them on what this is all about. If it is a small nurturing school, they should definitely be willing to talk to you about this and offer insight and suggestions.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 20:24
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Anonymous wrote:The smaller the private school, the worse it is OP.
Wrong. We switched to a small private in 5th grade and could not be happier.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 20:01
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
My kid is new at a private this year as well. He has also not hung out with anyone from the school or been invited to a birthday party all year.
He does hang out with 2 boys in the neighborhood.
If it makes you feel better, the parties get smaller and only close friends get invited. 10 girls while it may seem like a lot to you and your DD is probably just her close friends.
My DD is only 7 and it was hard to narrow her guest list down to 15.
He does hang out with 2 boys in the neighborhood.
If it makes you feel better, the parties get smaller and only close friends get invited. 10 girls while it may seem like a lot to you and your DD is probably just her close friends.
My DD is only 7 and it was hard to narrow her guest list down to 15.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 19:30
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
The moms are friends, OP. You can't get around moms organizing these things in small privates. This is one of the many downsides of small privates, you see it on here all the time.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 18:35
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Ten girls in a grade for middle school? No way that sounds awful. Yes I’d move her.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 18:26
Subject: Re:Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Anonymous wrote:Is this a tiny school? Only 10 girls in a class seems really small and would be tough socially no matter what.
+1
At our large public, there are new kids every year it seems. Much easier to find your crowd, as long as you put yourself out there (extracurriculars or sports).
Why did she switch? Did she have any social issues at her old school?
Anonymous
01/16/2025 17:03
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Are there any schools with 7th grade entry that might work for you/her? It’s easier when there are other new kids.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 17:01
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Sorry. Sounds awful.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 16:58
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
The smaller the private school, the worse it is OP.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 16:56
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Being the new kid in 6th grade is rough and I think what you’re describing is typical. Sleepovers are something you work up to. Unless you click with someone quickly, I wouldn't expect to be invites to a sleepover until the friendship has grown. Same with birthday parties at this age. It’s not the whole class, usually just close friends. There just hasn’t been enough time. I’d keep up the 1-on-1 meetups and try to remember a full school year is normal before she’s in with the group.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 16:54
Subject: Re:Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Have you met many of the parents?
Anonymous
01/16/2025 16:52
Subject: Re:Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Have all of the other girls been together since elementary? Would this school (if you stayed) go through 12th grade or is it just a middle school? Or is it a feeder for a private HS? Does your DD do any activities (sports etc) with classmates? Does she seem to fit in with classmates, on the surface? (background, appearance etc)
Sorry to ask so many questions but more info could help.
It is hard to say because 6th grade (middle school in general) tends to be a rough time for so many kids. And getting to know a new group takes time.
Sorry to ask so many questions but more info could help.
It is hard to say because 6th grade (middle school in general) tends to be a rough time for so many kids. And getting to know a new group takes time.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 16:46
Subject: Re:Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
Is this a tiny school? Only 10 girls in a class seems really small and would be tough socially no matter what.
Anonymous
01/16/2025 16:42
Subject: Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?
My daughter is in 6th grade and is quiet and introverted, but friendly. She is at a new private school this year that is supposedly known for its close-knit, welcoming student population. She has a few friends who she isn't super close to, but who she knows well enough to have had playdates with (they have been to our house, I've met them, they seem like nice kids). She heard from one of these friends today that most or all of the girls in their class (probably 10 kids or so) are having a sleepover this long weekend (I'm not sure if it's a birthday party, or if there is a special occasion, or what). Apparently they were talking about it loudly in class today. She has been sobbing since I picked her up from school.
This is not the first incident of this type. My daughter has not been invited to a single birthday party this year, and although she has had a couple of one-on-one playdates with classmates (orchestrated by me), she has never been invited to go with the group to the mall, or the movies, or whatever. She also hates the fact that the girls talk about it in class right in front of her (which she obviously can't control, but it still sucks). When she had a sleepover birthday party, only four of her classmates came.
I understand that friendships take time, but we are halfway through the school year, and I figured that since the class is so small, my daughter would not have a difficult time getting to know people. We switched to this school because it has good academics, but now I'm wondering if that was a big mistake, and if we should look into other options for next year. Thoughts?
This is not the first incident of this type. My daughter has not been invited to a single birthday party this year, and although she has had a couple of one-on-one playdates with classmates (orchestrated by me), she has never been invited to go with the group to the mall, or the movies, or whatever. She also hates the fact that the girls talk about it in class right in front of her (which she obviously can't control, but it still sucks). When she had a sleepover birthday party, only four of her classmates came.
I understand that friendships take time, but we are halfway through the school year, and I figured that since the class is so small, my daughter would not have a difficult time getting to know people. We switched to this school because it has good academics, but now I'm wondering if that was a big mistake, and if we should look into other options for next year. Thoughts?