Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 19:41     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can relate and what I've realized as an adult is that my mom was a loser so that made me into a loser. I'm not as loserish as an adult because I actively try not to do loserish stuff, but a lot of it is personality. If it makes you feel any better, most of the cool kids are already into drugs, drinking and/or s3x by freshman year, and is that really what you want your kid to be involved in?


This loser concept is the root of the problem. People are not losers because they're different. I can't believe I have to spell this out in 2025.

If you insist on self-hate, no one can help you, PP and OP. Please try not to project that self-hate onto your poor children.




The middle schoolers don't care.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 19:02     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:I can relate and what I've realized as an adult is that my mom was a loser so that made me into a loser. I'm not as loserish as an adult because I actively try not to do loserish stuff, but a lot of it is personality. If it makes you feel any better, most of the cool kids are already into drugs, drinking and/or s3x by freshman year, and is that really what you want your kid to be involved in?


This loser concept is the root of the problem. People are not losers because they're different. I can't believe I have to spell this out in 2025.

If you insist on self-hate, no one can help you, PP and OP. Please try not to project that self-hate onto your poor children.


Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:57     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
I can relate and what I've realized as an adult is that my mom was a loser so that made me into a loser. I'm not as loserish as an adult because I actively try not to do loserish stuff, but a lot of it is personality. If it makes you feel any better, most of the cool kids are already into drugs, drinking and/or s3x by freshman year, and is that really what you want your kid to be involved in?
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:56     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.



Sort of similar, DD recently had her heartbroken, and while I am happy she feels comfortable sharing all the drama and emotions with me, it's making me relive my own HS heartache! Of course, social media makes it 100x worse, and I have so much empathy, but I did not anticipate her sadness triggering my own teenage trauma!
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:48     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:Hmm. We are introverted nerdy types with ADHD and HFA running in the family. And we're also Asian "Tiger Parents" in that we do expect our kids to prioritize academics. I hope you understand that what you see on the outside (say, Asian family focused on school) doesn't mean they're judging you and yours, and doesn't mean they don't have their own struggles.

My oldest simply doesn't have any friends. At all. His particular brand of autism makes his brain that way. My youngest has a serious auto-immune disease. She has one good friend.

None of us are on social media.

We don't quite fit in anywhere, and from the very start of our parenting journey, we knew we weren't looking to keep up with anyone else. We just do our own thing.

Embrace who you are, and encourage your children to embrace who they are and love themselves. It has never bothered me that we are slightly (or very!) quirky.



Respectfully, I think the problem OP is expressing is that her kid(s) are trying to do their own thing let other kids refuse to let them be and are bullying, teasing or excluding them for it in a way that is causing them to suffer rather than thrive. That’s the difference.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:36     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:Hmm. We are introverted nerdy types with ADHD and HFA running in the family. And we're also Asian "Tiger Parents" in that we do expect our kids to prioritize academics. I hope you understand that what you see on the outside (say, Asian family focused on school) doesn't mean they're judging you and yours, and doesn't mean they don't have their own struggles.

My oldest simply doesn't have any friends. At all. His particular brand of autism makes his brain that way. My youngest has a serious auto-immune disease. She has one good friend.

None of us are on social media.

We don't quite fit in anywhere, and from the very start of our parenting journey, we knew we weren't looking to keep up with anyone else. We just do our own thing.

Embrace who you are, and encourage your children to embrace who they are and love themselves. It has never bothered me that we are slightly (or very!) quirky.



Wow. I love this - well said! We are similar.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:30     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.



Same here. Sprinkle on top of that the guilt of feeling it is genetic and they had no hope simply by virtue of being my child.


This is what really kills me. I hear the old cliche that our children get the best parts of us and I think, no, they got all the worst parts of me and it's my fault they suffer.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:29     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.



Same here. Sprinkle on top of that the guilt of feeling it is genetic and they had no hope simply by virtue of being my child.

np.. one of the reasons why I was seriously contemplating not having a child was passing all my bad parts, physical and otherwise, down to my kids.

And yep, they inherited some not so great things from both sides.

But, this isn't a new thing. If we don't have kids because we don't want to pass along bad traits, the human race would die out.

My kids have some great parts, too, and I love them regardless. Obviously, the bad parts suck for both parents and children, though.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:19     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Hmm. We are introverted nerdy types with ADHD and HFA running in the family. And we're also Asian "Tiger Parents" in that we do expect our kids to prioritize academics. I hope you understand that what you see on the outside (say, Asian family focused on school) doesn't mean they're judging you and yours, and doesn't mean they don't have their own struggles.

My oldest simply doesn't have any friends. At all. His particular brand of autism makes his brain that way. My youngest has a serious auto-immune disease. She has one good friend.

None of us are on social media.

We don't quite fit in anywhere, and from the very start of our parenting journey, we knew we weren't looking to keep up with anyone else. We just do our own thing.

Embrace who you are, and encourage your children to embrace who they are and love themselves. It has never bothered me that we are slightly (or very!) quirky.

Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:15     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Anonymous wrote:Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.



Same here. Sprinkle on top of that the guilt of feeling it is genetic and they had no hope simply by virtue of being my child.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:09     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
When my DD got very upset at social media issues I was able to suggest whether she wanted to try taking a break from it over the weekend to see if it had any affect on her mood and sleep. Once she saw that it did, she routinely took longer breaks and used it much less overall.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:07     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Yes, it has been very difficult for me. My DD has been bullied and I would do almost anything to fix it for her. I was bullied myself growing up and I think I am actually feeling more pain for her than I did for myself way back then (although I think I was probably just numb and it was self-preservation at the time). It's so hard for me to understand why kids have to be so cruel, especially to other kids who obviously have it so much worse than them already.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 18:02     Subject: Re:Feel like a loser all over again ..
I have definitely experienced some sort of despair at how causally and brazenly mean and awful kids and teens can be. As adults we hopefully move past it and if we don’t we can choose to avoid it better than kids can.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 17:39     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
We don’t have tiger family friends but I hear what you’re saying. I’m continually surprised by the targeted meanness and bullying that my DD has experienced over the years at school. She leads a perfectly normal and happy social life in her extracurriculars and in the neighborhood, but seems to have found the miscreant families you describe from your youth (and that I remember all too well) and their offspring.

Think of all the unpleasant people you encounter at stores, on transit, or at work. If they have children it’s the rare one who breaks generational cycles of nasty, competitive, bullying behavior if they learn it at home. I should not be surprised there are so many out there, but I always am.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2025 17:34     Subject: Feel like a loser all over again ..
Reliving high school is bad enough that it’s tougher now with social media but seeing my teens go through all those hurdles having ADHD, dyslexia, lack of social cues, and bullying on top of it is giving me nightmares like when I was young. Anyone else?

I thought, hoped, my kids would be different with all the camps, counseling, and classes but nope, they are experiencing negativity all around. Doesn’t help our circle of friends are tiger, accomplishing families. I don’t show my kids but my heart breaks fir them and fir me too. Sucks, I thought I left those feelings a long time ago. Hurts now as much as it did then.