seems like every situation is different

Whenever I visit my mother, I give her aid a nice thank you card with some cash. This is what you do. You show your appreciation where it counts.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need a housekeeper OP, not an aide.

for just asking the question? thanks for the input

Sounds like you need a housekeeper OP, not an aide.

I’ve been through a lot of aides with two sick parents…. They are companions, not cleaners or launderers or cooks.
one of them agreed to drive but wanted extra.
They will help with toileting and bathing in some cases - if not a huge fall risk.
They will have nothing at all to do with medications.

My MIL's people will do anything asked. Make meals, clean, chat, dress, shower. I think they are happy to be occupied. Can't imagine someone making a meal for one person and leaving the spouse on their own.

Anonymous wrote:My mother's private aide does laundry and kitchen tidying as well as personal care. She's also $12/hour less than the agency and is allowed to give meds. We don't have a contract with her

sounds like you found a great aide

My mother's private aide does laundry and kitchen tidying as well as personal care. She's also $12/hour less than the agency and is allowed to give meds. We don't have a contract with her

When we went through this with my MIL, the in home care folks would ONLY care for my MIL and her immediate needs. That did include cooking simple meals for MIL and cleaning up after she ate. Nothing else. No general tidying, no food for my FIL, no dishes other than the ones my MIL used when they were there. No laundry. They were very strict about it. But I'm sure it varies contract to contract.

We have 24-7 care through an in home agency for a relative. The caregivers clean, cook, and provide personal care. However, the level of care varies from individual to individual, and it’s incredibly expensive.

If you go through an agency, they may have a checklist process for you to outline what is expected.

More than anything their job is to care for the person. I’d rather them be chatting than in the basement doing laundry.

I would not expect them to do anything besides keep the person safe. I would not expect laundry, or "tidying up," at all. Simple meal prep for meals while there, yes, but nothing beyond heating things up or making something simple like a sandwich or mac and cheese. A personal care aide is not a housekeeper; housekeepers make a lot more money.

Some will actually do far more than this. But you definitely can't expect it.

My father had 2 aides - 24/7 for his last several years. We chose to always have 2 aides - to make it easier on them and also we just felt it was a safety net to have two people. My Dad was mostly unable to communicate the last year.

We never expected anything beyond care for my father. But they did all kinds of things - laundry, cooking, baking - decorating for holidays -- seemed like they did stuff to help with the boredom.

I agree with the PP -- be grateful if your parent likes them and if they seem to like your parent. Treat them with respect.

Anonymous wrote:to expect the aide to during a 4 hour shift, 3 days per week in terms of laundry, meal prep, tidying up? Or does it just vary contract to contract?

Keep your expectations low and be very grateful if you parent likes the person. They are paid terribly. A lot of what you pay goes to the agency. During 4 hours a load of laundry and an easy-low prep meal would be amazing. Let the person have downtime and use their phone too or just chat and offer companionship-especially if they have to help with bathroom trips which is exhausting.

to expect the aide to during a 4 hour shift, 3 days per week in terms of laundry, meal prep, tidying up? Or does it just vary contract to contract?