Exactly how is this possible for most people?

When my first kid was born my wife said I want to be SAHM as she resented her Mom for working, all her HS activities, she had no parents there, no help with anything. She would walk home from Middle School in pouring rain as no Mom to pick her up. Most of other moms SAHM.

She sprung this one me three months after first born and we just bought a house and she was 50 percent of my income.

I had to double my income quick. To do that I took a very demanding job with long hours. I left for work at 650 am and go home usually at 730 pm. I was very involved but the fact was I was gone around 12 hours day 5 days a week. And that was for 16 years.

My salary went way up around 4x due to work, my wife her chances of going back got harder. It was cycle hard to break. In retrospect it was a happiest times. She had three kids back to back, she had a lot of money coming in and no husband bothering her all day and little money worries.

Involved dh means he’s home for family dinner every night. He play games and does homework, he reads books at bedtime.

Splits chores after work, but most chores should be done by the sahm during work hours.

Kids activities - signup and rides - I do the paperwork and a lot of rides, but DH is very heavily involved and almost never misses a game or event for any of our kids. He LOVES sports and is super social- and has assistant coached several times, knows the other parents more than I do. He loves this aspect of parenting.

Kids academic enrichment - ME

Cooking meals - ME during the week, DH on weekends (he loves to cook)

Packing school lunch - all ME

House cleaning - all ME

Dishes- ME but he helps on weekends

Taking trash out - HIM

Planning vacations - all ME

Kids bath and bedtimes- our kids are beyond needing bath help but when they did- we split this

There are a lot of things not listed though…things my DH does. He takes the vehicles in for oil changes and maintenance and keeps track of that. Does small projects around the house/yard. Handles all vet appointments for our dog (a large breed who likes DH a lot better than me, lol). DH is also the planner of “fun” in our house- makes a huge effort with all family birthdays and holidays and goes all out/plans a lot of special things, gifts, etc. He also does a lot of the (non food) shopping
- taking the kids to buy new clothes/shoes etc because he enjoys it. DH is also very social and takes the lead on hosting/planning if we have people over. I’m sure I am missing more things too.

DH is the SAHP. I travel 3 days a week.


Kids activities - I sign up, DH does most of the rides and transportation

Kids academic enrichment - I sign up and DH does most of the helping if stuck and responsible for helping DS keep track of homework and helping if needed

Cooking meals - DH

Packing school lunch - DH

House cleaning - DH

Dishes - DH

Taking trash out - DH

Planning vacations - me

Kids bedtimes - 1/2 DH, 1/2 me

I’ll add yard work, car maintenance is also DH

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd expect the SAH spouse to do everything house related. Taking out the trash doesnt require a penis.

I think both parents should be involved in baths/bed time and whatever you consider enrichment.

I would agree a lot of the house stuff has to happen after working spouse comes home. So there’s cooking dinner, washing dinner dishes, taking dinner garbage out, cleaning up house after the after school rush.

But more staple chores like laundry, weeding the yard, could be tackled by SAHP during school hours.

NP and the most tedious and time consuming part of cooking is cutting up veggies which can definitely be done during school hours. No idea what cleaning up after the school rush is but other than wiping down counters and cleaning up spills it can probably be done the following day. Alternatively if you're talking about your kid's mess they can clean up their own stuff.

I’m a SAHM of 12 years.

Kids activities - signup and rides: I do signup and rides during the school week and husband does most on the weekends.

Kids academic enrichment: Both

Cooking meals: Both

Packing school lunch: Private school provides

House cleaning: We have a housekeeper.

Dishes: Dishwasher

Taking trash out: Both

Planning vacations: Mostly husband with my occasional input

Kids bath and bedtimes: Has always been both of us

When I was SAH, we split everything that couldn't get done by me when I was home w/ the kids. So some weeks the baby napped amazingly and no one was sick and I could clean a lot. Other weeks everybody was sick and I barely kept us all fed. No matter what was "left over" we split it in half

I’m a SAHM of 3 kids.

Kids activities - I sign up for all the activities and populate the calendar. I do most of the weekdays and we split weekends. We tag team since we often have conflicts.

Kids academic enrichment - Mom

Cooking meals - Mom

Packing school lunch - I pack snacks. Kids eat lunch at school.

House cleaning - both. I coordinate cleaners.

Dishes - DH more

Taking trash out DH and sons

Planning vacations 100% me

Kids bath and bedtimes both

Anonymous wrote:I'd expect the SAH spouse to do everything house related. Taking out the trash doesnt require a penis.

I think both parents should be involved in baths/bed time and whatever you consider enrichment.

I would agree a lot of the house stuff has to happen after working spouse comes home. So there’s cooking dinner, washing dinner dishes, taking dinner garbage out, cleaning up house after the after school rush.

But more staple chores like laundry, weeding the yard, could be tackled by SAHP during school hours.

I'd expect the SAH spouse to do everything house related. Taking out the trash doesnt require a penis.

I think both parents should be involved in baths/bed time and whatever you consider enrichment.

I SAH and spouse is gone 7:30-6:30 or so and works from home a few times per month.

Kids activities - signup and rides : mostly me, of DH is home he will often come to a sport practice or two. For weekend sports he sometimes volunteers as coach.

Kids academic enrichment: me

Cooking meals: mostly me. He often makes breakfast on weekends, or cooks himself dinner (ie boils water for pot noodle) if he doesn’t like what kid and I are eating.

Packing school lunch: me. DH does a couple times a year if he is home.

House cleaning: mostly me, but DH does some laundry. Housecleaners do the scrubbing.

Dishes: split but I do more

Taking trash out: split but he does more

Planning vacations: both

Kids bath and bedtimes: split

I SAH and kids are school aged. I do everything and am fine with it. I can get most of the cleaning, chores, meal prep, and errands done during the school hours. DH helps with driving kids to/from places in the afternoons if he is available.

I stay home.

Kids activities - signup and rides- ME

Kids academic enrichment- ME

Cooking meals- ME

Packing school lunch- buy lunch

House cleaning- ME + 2x month cleaner

Dishes- Both

Taking trash out- HIM

Planning vacations- ME

Kids bath and bedtimes- Both

Anonymous wrote:There’s another thread talking about how SAHP is great IF both parents are involved. What counts as involved? I’m a SAH. Who do you expect does:

Kids activities - signup and rides

Kids academic enrichment

Cooking meals

Packing school lunch

House cleaning

Dishes

Taking trash out

Planning vacations

Kids bath and bedtimes

I work part-time, but:

* DH does some activities, I do others. Honestly he does the ones he's more excited about and I do the rest, but since our kids also like the things he is excited about he probably does 2/3 of the activities
* I handled all academic enrichment before private school, now I don't feel the need to do much. That's part of the point of paying for private.
* We've had times where DH cooked more than me, times where I cooked more than him, and times where it split about even. It varies based on family circumstances. I appreciate that he is an amazing cook - except when I can't measure up to the meals he produces!
* Kids are late elementary to early middle school now and pack their own lunch. I supervise.
* I clean most of the house. However DH keeps a gorgeous lawn, gardens, and does many home repairs. These traditional male activities didn't even make your list. We only hire people for major things.
* DH mostly takes the trash out but I have no problem pitching in if he's busy.
* We plan vacations together.
* I do bedtime and I used to do most bathtimes.

As hinted at above, the lack of home repairs and outdoor chores on your list is what I feel is a major gap. DH spends hours on our house, but it's typically not scrubbing toilets. It's mulching, it's weeding, it's mowing, it's taking care of leaves, it's fixing faucet leaks, it's making sure filters are changed in our water and HVAC systems, and on and on.

There’s another thread talking about how SAHP is great IF both parents are involved. What counts as involved? I’m a SAH. Who do you expect does:

Kids activities - signup and rides

Kids academic enrichment

Cooking meals

Packing school lunch

House cleaning

Dishes

Taking trash out

Planning vacations

Kids bath and bedtimes