Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?

OP here. I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out". I've been talking about the trip forever. He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.

That's a weird assumption. I've been married 25 years and have never just unilaterally decided where our joint vacation would be.

OP here. Yes, going forward all vacation decisions would be made jointly, but I have been planning this trip 2 years before we got married and he KNEW about it. He never said a word about not wanting to go. Oh well.

Suck it up and go without him, don’t plan to take anymore bucket list trips without him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?

OP here. I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out". I've been talking about the trip forever. He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.

That's a weird assumption. I've been married 25 years and have never just unilaterally decided where our joint vacation would be.

OP here. Yes, going forward all vacation decisions would be made jointly, but I have been planning this trip 2 years before we got married and he KNEW about it. He never said a word about not wanting to go. Oh well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?

OP here. I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out". I've been talking about the trip forever. He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.

That's a weird assumption. I've been married 25 years and have never just unilaterally decided where our joint vacation would be.

Plan a shorter trip to Bucket List place and another shorter trip to anniversary place.

I’m more concerned about what a jerk he would be if he came along. That’s not a compromise.

Anonymous wrote:Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?

OP here. I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out". I've been talking about the trip forever. He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to marriage.

Either he compromises or you do. But the fact that you are planning this huge bucket list trip, and that it’s been in the works for quite a while, and you had to ask him “you’re coming on this right?” Tells me you already have some problems communicating.

With this extended family trip fall on what is going to be your anniversary? Is that why he’s wanting to focus on an anniversary trip? Or is he just saying that if you take a trip this year it should be an anniversary trip? Because those are very different circumstances.

OP here. The trip would not fall on our anniversary. He just wants to spend the time and money on trips for the 2 of us only.

Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Why can’t you go on this trip without him?

OP here. I could go without him. The trip would be about $12k and 10 days of vacation time. I would rather spend the money and vacations days together.

Go on your trip. Pick with him the next destination and start planning that.

He's not obligated to be an enthusiastic participant in your expensive travel dream. It sounds like you'll both have to change the way you plan vacations now that you need to accommodate more than just yourselves.

Your husband isn't interested in your bucket list trip...
Either cancel or attend without him and with your family/daughter..

Welcome to marriage.

Either he compromises or you do. But the fact that you are planning this huge bucket list trip, and that it’s been in the works for quite a while, and you had to ask him “you’re coming on this right?” Tells me you already have some problems communicating.

With this extended family trip fall on what is going to be your anniversary? Is that why he’s wanting to focus on an anniversary trip? Or is he just saying that if you take a trip this year it should be an anniversary trip? Because those are very different circumstances.

I’m confused. Why can’t you go on this trip without him?

No. You go on your planned bucket list vacation. Anniversary trip waits till the following year. Or it's a weekend trip.

For the past 12 years I have taken a large vacation every other year (10 days, foreign countries) with family members. It's my vacation with my daughter and I provide all the info to extended family members to join us if they want.
This year I am planning a major bucket list vacation that I have been looking forward to for as long as I can remember.

Wrinkle: I recently got married. I am about to start booking airline tickets, so I confirmed with DH last night "You are going to "great place" with us, right? He said, "I don't really want to, as I'd rather focus on an anniversary trip for us." He's known about this dream of mine forever!! I'm so disappointed and sad. Yes, other family members were going to join. I know that if he decides to come along it will be constant complaining about everything, and don't let something "go wrong" with the trip, I'll never hear the end of it. At the same time, I don't want to go without him due to cost and amount of days.

Do I cancel the trip and allow him to plan an anniversary trip with the agreement that we go on my bucket list trip next year? I hate canceling with family as we were all looking forward to it. Unfortunately, this will push my vacation plans off schedule. I plan a large trip every other year and this pushes everything back.

Trying to wrap my head around this disappointment that I feel is hard.