If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to your child.

Accept that they will always have their own opinions. If you are divorced or "blended", accept that they may never be happy about it and always find it burdensome. Do not expect they will like their stepfamily even if they have seemed to in the past-- it's in adulthood that they feel more free to express their actual views.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... any resolution about how would you help each other improve and strengthen your mutual relationship?

If this depends on your parent finally confessing to all of the wrong they have done to you, then your question is not in good faith.

So sick of the court of TikTok judging parents.

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are my mother I would like you to have a better relationship with the truth - don't sugar coat things, don't lie to me. When I give you that level of respect and honesty, don't get offended.

Are you perfect? If not then what would you do on your part? Original post is asking what you would do, not how would you expect others to do.

Being away from one another has helped a lot.
They are in another continent. Luckily they have lots of help from neighbors, my step-sisters/brothers and social services.
I would not have a good relationship had we stayed close. Too much trauma from childhood that I would have to hide all the time.

I just had a conversation with both my children who are adults.

I told them that we needed to have open and honest conversations about things I do that might bother them. I told them I could not read their mind. For example, one would like me to visit more and one would like me to visit less. That’s not something I can figure out without their communication. I tried to visit them equally.

Also, I’m open to a one on one relationship with the women in their lives, but they in the end are responsible for the relationship I have with their immediate family. If there are other issues, we should set up a time to discuss them and not discuss them in the heat of the moment.

I will say the best thing my dad ever asked me is is there anything I can do to be a better parent? So I also asked that of my children if they could provide me that feedback.

I have a family that never says “I love you“ so my answer to my father when he asked me this was that he would say “I love you“. From the moment I said that to the moment he died, he said I love you every single time you saw me.

Do not give advice unless you are specifically asked. My mother’s consistent advice when I would be mulling over a decision would be, “You’ll figure it out” and your what, I did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... any resolution about how would you help each other improve and strengthen your mutual relationship?

If this depends on your parent finally confessing to all of the wrong they have done to you, then your question is not in good faith.

I know it is trendy to today to organize listening sessions for parents in which we tell them how they have ruined our lives--but this is an awful.trend.

I can speak for myself and say I am the only one responsible for my adulthood, and I don't dwell on my childhood.

I totally agree with you. You are strong. I am a parent now and my parents were not healthy people to model what a good relationship entails. It was my own responsibility to break the pattern and live my own life.

Don’t bicker at each other in front of me or my kids. Don’t roll your eyes when I say we don’t yell at people in front of our kids (or at all). You are responsible for how you treat others even if you are tired or frustrated

Anonymous wrote:... any resolution about how would you help each other improve and strengthen your mutual relationship?

If this depends on your parent finally confessing to all of the wrong they have done to you, then your question is not in good faith.

I know it is trendy to today to organize listening sessions for parents in which we tell them how they have ruined our lives--but this is an awful.trend.

I can speak for myself and say I am the only one responsible for my adulthood, and I don't dwell on my childhood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are my mother I would like you to have a better relationship with the truth - don't sugar coat things, don't lie to me. When I give you that level of respect and honesty, don't get offended.

How does your mother lie? I never lie to my daughter.

What she means is she wants her mother to sit and be quiet listen to her "how you were a bad mother" criticism sessions. Her telling her mother how awful she is, is the respect and honesty on her part.

Anonymous wrote:... any resolution about how would you help each other improve and strengthen your mutual relationship?

Thank you for this thread ❤️

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are my mother I would like you to have a better relationship with the truth - don't sugar coat things, don't lie to me. When I give you that level of respect and honesty, don't get offended.

How does your mother lie? I never lie to my daughter.

Well, if you are my mother I would like you to have a better relationship with the truth - don't sugar coat things, don't lie to me. When I give you that level of respect and honesty, don't get offended.

More acceptance and patience

... any resolution about how would you help each other improve and strengthen your mutual relationship?