Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:43
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Anonymous wrote:The squatter concern is valid these days. If she’s doing fine except for the finances, I would be thinking of how to keep her in her home for now. The government home sounds drastic.
There's a waiting list, usually, so actually she needs to explore that option now, visit, find out what the waiting times are, and perhaps sign up immediately.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:30
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
She needs to sell the car, even if she won't make any money back - just to get rid of the monthly obligation. And she needs to either take a roommate or downsize into an apartment. Her choice. But buying a place for her, while awfully nice of you to even consider, is unfair to you and will probably create a huge resentment with your sibling.
You and sibling need to try to get onto the same page and present her with her options.
I am very sorry, OP. It is so unfair and many of us are going to face these issues as our parents age.
You and sibling need to try to get onto the same page and present her with her options.
I am very sorry, OP. It is so unfair and many of us are going to face these issues as our parents age.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:30
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
The squatter concern is valid these days. If she’s doing fine except for the finances, I would be thinking of how to keep her in her home for now. The government home sounds drastic.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:25
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
She needs to go into a government home. Call the senior care department of the county she lives in. They will tell you what can and cannot be done in her case. I think bankruptcy was a good move. It will facilitate things for the government home.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:22
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
I wouldn’t force her to take a roommate. Let the bank foreclose - make them the bad guy.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:22
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Why did she lose her job? Does she qualify for unemployment? It sounds like she HAS options, she just doesn't LIKE them--two very different things
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:17
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Is her health still okay despite the financial problems?
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:13
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Great the SS covers the mortgage which I’m assuming includes the insurance and taxes. Keep that going and lose the car if have to. The car doesn’t have equity but is a big expense no doubt. She still drives ok? Does she need it? Anyone have a second hand one to gift to her (after bankruptcy proceedings that is)? I’m no expert but this is what I’d be thinking along the lines of. Don’t let her take out any more loans on house.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 20:00
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Do you know how much the car payment is?
Anonymous
12/30/2024 19:55
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Anonymous wrote:How best to keep her roof over her head? I like the roommate idea, too bad she’s not going for it. Does her SS cover the mortgage alone at least? Does the car have enough value to sell and get a cheaper used one as a replacement? I don’t know how bankruptcy works with the car loan. I believe you get to keep the house with it though.
OP here. She's convinced she will end up with a squatter if she takes in a roommate. Her SS does cover the mortgage alone, but not the mortgage AND the car AND her other expenses.
My understanding is, she gets to keep the car in the bankruptcy (we are almost to the point where there will be a court date) but this is all new to me, too. Hasn't had the car that long so not much equity there, unfortunately.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 19:47
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
How best to keep her roof over her head? I like the roommate idea, too bad she’s not going for it. Does her SS cover the mortgage alone at least? Does the car have enough value to sell and get a cheaper used one as a replacement? I don’t know how bankruptcy works with the car loan. I believe you get to keep the house with it though.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 19:47
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Anonymous wrote:This is what I have recently been told by my elderly mom. This situation has been brewing for a looong time but now I feel like I need to post not only for some insight, but also just so I can get things off my chest. Will try to stay vague on some details.
Mom is early 70s and lives alone. Dad died years ago – had nothing, no life insurance, savings, etc. Mom was getting along well enough since that time, living off social security and working. Parents always spent like crazy and lived off credit cards so no savings/investments/retirement accounts even though everyone in their lives, for decades, unsuccessfully attempted to move them in a direction of even basic financial planning.
I didn’t realize the extent of the debt until recently when mom lost her job, her only income stream outside of social security. We’re talking tens of thousands in credit card debt. Plus a mortgage (maybe taking up two thirds of the home’s value) and, of course, a car payment for a car purchased unbeknownst to us - just before the job loss. The house and car notes alone exceed what she gets in social security. Long story short, she is in the bankruptcy filing process to eliminate the credit card debt. I’m not sure if this was the best course of action but it was encouraged by another family member, who has helped with the legal fees. Mom wants to go back to work but we (the rest of the family) are unsure if a job is even realistic given her age and physical limitations. She will not consider taking in a roommate, which in my mind would solve the income problem to some extent.
I live several hours drive away, while my sibling lives closer to her. Sibling is likely not willing to step in financially so that leaves me trying to figure out what the heck to do without wrecking my own financial future, all while working and raising my own family with no help, financial or otherwise, on either side. So fun!
The past couple months I have been sending grocery store gift cards to help with food and prescription needs. Obviously, some bigger plans will need to be made. Her moving into our house is not an option for various reasons I won’t get into here. I have considered the possibility of buying a place near me for her to live and pay what she can but of course that will put financial strain on my immediate family. I’ve also begun the process of looking into what programs for which she may qualify, housing and otherwise. It’s all so overwhelming and the stress is getting to me. It sucks even worse because she wasn’t a bad mother, just really bad with money and gave no thought to the future and always assumed someone else would fix things.
Your sibling is right to not want to step in financially at this point and nor should you. There may come a point where you are genuinely faced with either subsidizing her or seeing her truly penniless but you’re not at that point and swooping in to help her now will just enable her bad habits and prematurely drain your own funds.
She either takes in a roommate or sells the house and uses the proceeds towards rent for a more sustainable no frills studio apartment (while getting on any available lists for senior subsidized housing.)
If she refuses to do either then you need to just stay out of it and let her face the natural consequences.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 19:40
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Do NOT buy her a place or otherwise intertwine your finances. She needs to live within her means. Eventually she will not be eligible for credit. Send her food if you must, but it’s a big mistake to fund this insanity.
Anonymous
12/30/2024 19:38
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
Can she go to Legal Aid for bankruptcy help?
Anonymous
12/30/2024 19:24
Subject: “I’m destitute, and I need you to solve this”
This is what I have recently been told by my elderly mom. This situation has been brewing for a looong time but now I feel like I need to post not only for some insight, but also just so I can get things off my chest. Will try to stay vague on some details.
Mom is early 70s and lives alone. Dad died years ago – had nothing, no life insurance, savings, etc. Mom was getting along well enough since that time, living off social security and working. Parents always spent like crazy and lived off credit cards so no savings/investments/retirement accounts even though everyone in their lives, for decades, unsuccessfully attempted to move them in a direction of even basic financial planning.
I didn’t realize the extent of the debt until recently when mom lost her job, her only income stream outside of social security. We’re talking tens of thousands in credit card debt. Plus a mortgage (maybe taking up two thirds of the home’s value) and, of course, a car payment for a car purchased unbeknownst to us - just before the job loss. The house and car notes alone exceed what she gets in social security. Long story short, she is in the bankruptcy filing process to eliminate the credit card debt. I’m not sure if this was the best course of action but it was encouraged by another family member, who has helped with the legal fees. Mom wants to go back to work but we (the rest of the family) are unsure if a job is even realistic given her age and physical limitations. She will not consider taking in a roommate, which in my mind would solve the income problem to some extent.
I live several hours drive away, while my sibling lives closer to her. Sibling is likely not willing to step in financially so that leaves me trying to figure out what the heck to do without wrecking my own financial future, all while working and raising my own family with no help, financial or otherwise, on either side. So fun!
The past couple months I have been sending grocery store gift cards to help with food and prescription needs. Obviously, some bigger plans will need to be made. Her moving into our house is not an option for various reasons I won’t get into here. I have considered the possibility of buying a place near me for her to live and pay what she can but of course that will put financial strain on my immediate family. I’ve also begun the process of looking into what programs for which she may qualify, housing and otherwise. It’s all so overwhelming and the stress is getting to me. It sucks even worse because she wasn’t a bad mother, just really bad with money and gave no thought to the future and always assumed someone else would fix things.
Mom is early 70s and lives alone. Dad died years ago – had nothing, no life insurance, savings, etc. Mom was getting along well enough since that time, living off social security and working. Parents always spent like crazy and lived off credit cards so no savings/investments/retirement accounts even though everyone in their lives, for decades, unsuccessfully attempted to move them in a direction of even basic financial planning.
I didn’t realize the extent of the debt until recently when mom lost her job, her only income stream outside of social security. We’re talking tens of thousands in credit card debt. Plus a mortgage (maybe taking up two thirds of the home’s value) and, of course, a car payment for a car purchased unbeknownst to us - just before the job loss. The house and car notes alone exceed what she gets in social security. Long story short, she is in the bankruptcy filing process to eliminate the credit card debt. I’m not sure if this was the best course of action but it was encouraged by another family member, who has helped with the legal fees. Mom wants to go back to work but we (the rest of the family) are unsure if a job is even realistic given her age and physical limitations. She will not consider taking in a roommate, which in my mind would solve the income problem to some extent.
I live several hours drive away, while my sibling lives closer to her. Sibling is likely not willing to step in financially so that leaves me trying to figure out what the heck to do without wrecking my own financial future, all while working and raising my own family with no help, financial or otherwise, on either side. So fun!
The past couple months I have been sending grocery store gift cards to help with food and prescription needs. Obviously, some bigger plans will need to be made. Her moving into our house is not an option for various reasons I won’t get into here. I have considered the possibility of buying a place near me for her to live and pay what she can but of course that will put financial strain on my immediate family. I’ve also begun the process of looking into what programs for which she may qualify, housing and otherwise. It’s all so overwhelming and the stress is getting to me. It sucks even worse because she wasn’t a bad mother, just really bad with money and gave no thought to the future and always assumed someone else would fix things.