Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.

Well, maybe I personally wouldn't be so selfish if my mother hadn't abused me and allowed multiple stepfathers to do so as well -- right in front of her. To the extent that I now have PTSD that literally makes living torture a lot of the time.

Take your ignorant racist fetishization elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.

Our government should do more for old people in need.

Another pathology: Foisting our responsibilities off on "the government".

The alternative for many is to die on the streets.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.

Our government should do more for old people in need.

Another pathology: Foisting our responsibilities off on "the government".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.

Our government should do more for old people in need.

Reach out to the local area on aging for housing and other support. There are a lot of people like her, in the same boat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Asian cultures, which cherish their elders, put us to shame. The modern U.S. is such a selfish society.

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

No one can destroy your life more than a toxic family member.

My dad has six adult children and two adult grandchildren, but none of us are willing to take him into our homes permanently.

Anonymous wrote:That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

Op is doing more than enough by doing anything at all.

I think the PP’s response is a good one. Try to see if there are any public services available. Surely she qualifies for food stamps and section 8? Do not move her into your house.

If there is a small amount you are willing to cover (such as her cell phone bill or water bill), you can offer to do that. Maybe by offering to pay $50/month or whatever, it can make clear that is the scope of what you’ll do.

We bought my alcoholic, broke father a condo in a senior retirement village and furnished it with Salvation Army furniture.

He was able to pay the maintenance and groceries and utilities.

When he died we sold it at a profit.

Try her county aging department. You need to get her on a waitlist for senior subsidized housing

that is very sad. Are there subsidized apartments or senior communities where she could get on the waitlists? or would it save money to get a 2br with a roommate?

Does she qualify for Extra Help/QMB/SLMB so Medicaid will pay her Medicare premiums (different states have different rules; her state's SHIP will be able to advise). Does she qualify for SNAP or the Commodity Supplemental Food Program?

She may also want to make an appointment to go to SSA and make sure they have calculated her benefits properly factoring in her recent work, and see if she also qualifies for SSI (she'd have to have a low enough income and under $2000 in countable assets).

That’s a horrible attitude and you should treat her better than you are. She’s family.

You need to get her on more public benefits. Call your Area Agency on Aging. This kind of thing is their bread and butter and they may have ideas for you to get her more non-family support.

Mom is 69 and gets SS and a tiny pension, it is not enough so she has been working retail FT for a few years and that has been just enough to make ends meet.

She made a series of horrible decisions that led to her having no savings and no home. So she has been renting 1 br apartment near her sibling.

Anyway, due to medical issues, I think her time working retail is up. I don’t think she can move in with her sibling, or any of us (her children) without causing enormous stress in our marriages and lives.

I’m pretty pissed about her decisions that led up to this situation. She could have had a decent retirement if she had not made these horrible decisions. I also don’t feel close to her, and never have, due to her prioritization of other people over us kids, through our entire lives. That’s a whole other issue. But I don’t feel like helping her more than other random people. I had to work very hard to get where I am in life and want to focus on my kids and getting them through college.

So I don’t want her to move in with us, and I don’t want to send her money or anything. But it is all coming to a head now and my siblings will be discussing what to do. I need to find the right words.