Anonymous wrote:I’d play mental bingo and hope she says more.

We have actual bingo cards for passive aggressive family visits, and it has been life changing. It’s so silly but it takes the sting out and has turned it into a comedy show.

“Wowwwwww, never? That’s AMAZING! Oh my goodness, incredible!” Very exaggerated, every time.

Anonymous wrote:NP. It feels good to know I’m not alone. My MIL says all these things too.

I just don’t understand why she wants to indirectly put down her own grandchildren.

NP. It feels good to know I’m not alone. My MIL says all these things too.

PP above and another thing: do not tie your self worth into MIL opinion of you.

I am lovable, kind, funny, witty and normally effusive and energetic around my loved ones to include a tight group of friends I’ve had since first grade.

My MIL is probably the only person in my orbit who’d describe me as painfully boring/annoying/overly protective/lazy (trying to think of how she sees me) /too smart for my own good/smug/weird…and she’s way off. Her loss. Guess who isn’t taking care of her in her old age/visiting?

Advice to my younger self: go grey rock. Offer no new information, do not engage in breezy conversations because any details you give will be fodder for gossip and criticism. She will not change. You’ll come across as a boring automaton and that’s the goal.

My MIL launched some real zingers that I dismissed initially as her lack of filter - but it’s more than that - it’s seething anger, resentment, jealously, mental health issues, one sided competition and bitterness.

I’ve known mil for 30 years. Not once has she been encouraging or uplifting. Not in her nature. Even compliments are back handed and sarcastic.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t really think that other than a direct confrontation that anything you say will change her behavior, right?

Oh absolutely not. And I’d never confront her on it, what would I say? Her husband and kids just ignore so I must ignore. It’s just maddening and inane. And I don’t know if she actually does feel inadequate, I think she feels incredibly superior.
I think we often excuse this with the former. That’s not her issue.

Anonymous wrote:I just laughed out loud at your examples because this is my mother. It’s funny at this point because it’s so crazy.

She’ll even say things like “that must come from your father’s side of the family. Nobody on my side of the family has ever gotten the flu.” When, in fact, she had the flu just a year earlier.

It’s a weird crazy need to feel significant by feeling superior to others. My mom clearly didn’t get what she needed growing up and has lots of unresolved stuff that she’d never ever be able to deal with.

My mom too. She has a revisionist history. It drives my sister nuts, but I don't care. She's 84, let her live her last days in her bubble. It's not hurting anyone.

You don’t really think that other than a direct confrontation that anything you say will change her behavior, right?

Anonymous wrote:I just laughed out loud at your examples because this is my mother. It’s funny at this point because it’s so crazy.

She’ll even say things like “that must come from your father’s side of the family. Nobody on my side of the family has ever gotten the flu.” When, in fact, she had the flu just a year earlier.

It’s a weird crazy need to feel significant by feeling superior to others. My mom clearly didn’t get what she needed growing up and has lots of unresolved stuff that she’d never ever be able to deal with.

Omg yes. If someone has say cancer, she’s all, well, they drank Diet Coke. I would never drink Diet Coke. I want to pin her down and water board her with Diet Coke. Instead I drink wine.

I just laughed out loud at your examples because this is my mother. It’s funny at this point because it’s so crazy.

She’ll even say things like “that must come from your father’s side of the family. Nobody on my side of the family has ever gotten the flu.” When, in fact, she had the flu just a year earlier.

It’s a weird crazy need to feel significant by feeling superior to others. My mom clearly didn’t get what she needed growing up and has lots of unresolved stuff that she’d never ever be able to deal with.

I’d play mental bingo and hope she says more.

That's great, thanks for sharing, thanks for letting me know.

She has feelings of inadequacy and is trying to make herself feel better by putting others down. Very common.

My MIL consistently and persistently says things such as the following:

Noticing the kids have a pimple: “I never had a pimple in my life.”

When babies fuss: “My boys never fussed. They were perfect.”

About herself: “I’ve always had an incredibly flat stomach.”

Daughter is moody: “I’m always in a good mood. My sons were never moody.”

When people have freckles or any kind of blemish: “I’ve never had such a thing. They’re just awful.”

“My guys never had sugar. I made everything from scratch.”

I cannot. I cannot stand her. I have to just mmmmmm, don’t I. There’s nothing else to be said. It’s just so. Hard.