Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teenager when I heard my father laugh on the phone with a coworker and I mentioned to my mom that it sounded so phony and weird. Without missing a beat she said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born."

Oh, and when I had to wear a baseball hat for my job at an ice cream shop, so I put my hair in a braid and pulled it through the hole on the hat. On my way to work my mother told me it looked "like a log of sh*t."

I hope you don’t have a relationship with her anymore. I’m so sorry!

Just saw your follow up post.

Anonymous wrote:As a teenager when I heard my father laugh on the phone with a coworker and I mentioned to my mom that it sounded so phony and weird. Without missing a beat she said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born."

Oh, and when I had to wear a baseball hat for my job at an ice cream shop, so I put my hair in a braid and pulled it through the hole on the hat. On my way to work my mother told me it looked "like a log of sh*t."

I hope you don’t have a relationship with her anymore. I’m so sorry!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After I got my first real job, I wrote my parents a large check as a thank you for supporting me. My father scoffed and snidely commented that he wouldn't have sold his favorite gun if he'd known I was going to write them a check. I understand now that he's always had mental health issues, and that his issues aren't my fault. But for so long I wondered why he hated me.

What does that mean?

What does what mean? How to sell a gun? Dad has mental issues? What is a large check?

One day I was riding in the car with my exDH and he was upset about something and said….I want to bash your head into the steering wheel. I was shocked. He’d never spoken to me like that before. It was clear that he hated me. That was the beginning of the end of our marriage. And he did in fact physically attack me shortly after. So listen up when someone talks like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teenager when I heard my father laugh on the phone with a coworker and I mentioned to my mom that it sounded so phony and weird. Without missing a beat she said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born."

Oh, and when I had to wear a baseball hat for my job at an ice cream shop, so I put my hair in a braid and pulled it through the hole on the hat. On my way to work my mother told me it looked "like a log of sh*t."

You forgot to tell us that part about how you NEVER speak to your mom anymore.

Well, she's dead, so I guess I don't speak to her anymore, yes. But I moved all the way across the country and basically only visited like 2 or 3 times in 16 years, and when she died, I was mourning that we'd never have the chance to have a better relationship than we did, rather than getting to mourn missing who she was.

My mother sharing all the information on why my parents split. Years and years of it

From the time I could remember. Finally told her that it's not my business NOR will that change the dynamics of my relationship with my father or bonus mom


Distance

My mom spent forty years being mad about hurtful things her father and XH did. I am learning from this example by trying to let all that stuff go. From time to time something hurtful she did or said to me bubbles up from my subconscious and it takes real effort to stop being mad about it all over again. (Why does the mind do that?) But this kind of self-inflicted stress does you no good. What kind of justice or resolution to you expect to get, anyway?

Anonymous wrote:After I got my first real job, I wrote my parents a large check as a thank you for supporting me. My father scoffed and snidely commented that he wouldn't have sold his favorite gun if he'd known I was going to write them a check. I understand now that he's always had mental health issues, and that his issues aren't my fault. But for so long I wondered why he hated me.

What does that mean?

My mom told me once when she was drunk that she wished I had never been born. I don't think she meant it (and she doesn't remember it of course) but I won't ever forget it.

The consequence of her drinking (not that instance) was that I created boundaries. She has been sober for years now so things have changed. But when she was in the midst of it I wouldn't talk to her when she was drunk and I wouldn't leave my kids with her alone.

PP above - we rarely speak now. I'm happy with it.

After I got my first real job, I wrote my parents a large check as a thank you for supporting me. My father scoffed and snidely commented that he wouldn't have sold his favorite gun if he'd known I was going to write them a check. I understand now that he's always had mental health issues, and that his issues aren't my fault. But for so long I wondered why he hated me.

Anonymous wrote:As a teenager when I heard my father laugh on the phone with a coworker and I mentioned to my mom that it sounded so phony and weird. Without missing a beat she said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born."

Oh, and when I had to wear a baseball hat for my job at an ice cream shop, so I put my hair in a braid and pulled it through the hole on the hat. On my way to work my mother told me it looked "like a log of sh*t."

You forgot to tell us that part about how you NEVER speak to your mom anymore.

As a teenager when I heard my father laugh on the phone with a coworker and I mentioned to my mom that it sounded so phony and weird. Without missing a beat she said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born."

Oh, and when I had to wear a baseball hat for my job at an ice cream shop, so I put my hair in a braid and pulled it through the hole on the hat. On my way to work my mother told me it looked "like a log of sh*t."

I distanced myself and set boundaries.

Which hurtful words were too much for you? What consequences did you take?