Anonymous
12/08/2024 11:01
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
Anonymous wrote:How do you define successful? Mine goes to community college part time and works two part time jobs and lives with her boyfriend and his father about 45 minutes away. She is happy and healthy.
Exactly! Success is different for everyone.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 09:38
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
Anonymous wrote:SAHP, no tv, no phones until 16, unstructured time for creative play, family outings to museums, intellectual destinations, cooked and ate together 2x a day. Expected them to work age 15 and gradually pay their way. Most importantly, education was the top priority.
yeck
Anonymous
12/08/2024 09:26
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
SAHP, no tv, no phones until 16, unstructured time for creative play, family outings to museums, intellectual destinations, cooked and ate together 2x a day. Expected them to work age 15 and gradually pay their way. Most importantly, education was the top priority.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 09:14
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
My son is the child of a divorce that happened when he was in high school. It was hard for him for a year or two but on the backside of that he’s turned into a very independent, capable young man. I believe our relationship is much closer than it would have been had his father and I stayed together.
He graduated from college on time, had three very good job offers to choose from and lives a short plane ride away where he is forging his own path. I had nothing to do with college applications aside from paying the application fees, I didn’t have to push him on anything, he’s always taken initiative.
Despite the geographic distance we’re very close and talk several times a week. He graduated college in May and my goal is to get a weekend with him once every two months or so. When he has unexpected expenses like a car repair I’ve offered to help but he tells me that he’s an adult, he’s working and he’ll handle it.
A lot of this was luck, I have no idea how he turned out the way he did. I’ve always just been supportive of his choices. I never, ever breathed a negative word about his dad and always encouraged their relationship, as well as a relationship with his step-mom and step-siblings when his dad remarried.
I never ever looked at his grades in high school or bothered him to do homework. I figured he could sink or swim. He was an average student but had no problem getting into college where he was also an average student. My philosophy is that we’re all supposed to be wherever we end up, and things will somehow work themselves out one way or another.
He graduated from college on time, had three very good job offers to choose from and lives a short plane ride away where he is forging his own path. I had nothing to do with college applications aside from paying the application fees, I didn’t have to push him on anything, he’s always taken initiative.
Despite the geographic distance we’re very close and talk several times a week. He graduated college in May and my goal is to get a weekend with him once every two months or so. When he has unexpected expenses like a car repair I’ve offered to help but he tells me that he’s an adult, he’s working and he’ll handle it.
A lot of this was luck, I have no idea how he turned out the way he did. I’ve always just been supportive of his choices. I never, ever breathed a negative word about his dad and always encouraged their relationship, as well as a relationship with his step-mom and step-siblings when his dad remarried.
I never ever looked at his grades in high school or bothered him to do homework. I figured he could sink or swim. He was an average student but had no problem getting into college where he was also an average student. My philosophy is that we’re all supposed to be wherever we end up, and things will somehow work themselves out one way or another.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 08:25
Subject: Re:Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
My husband has severe mental illness, PTSD.
My kids have ADHD dyslexia and Tourette’s
We’re divorced but extremely amicable.
Can’t really think of any “chores“ my kids had that I can’t think of them doing something if I ask them like take out the trash or empty the dishwasher or cut the lawn.
We never once ate dinner at a table, but we did eat dinner together watching a TV show or football. I would say a lot of our life revolved around food, but that’s because my husband‘s Italian.
I did send them to private school and I kept them very busy with high level sports. One even played college sports.
We all did a good amount of therapy.
I always kept the attitude of **** happens. Don’t let it get you down. We need to be a team and be there for each other..
My kids have ADHD dyslexia and Tourette’s
We’re divorced but extremely amicable.
Can’t really think of any “chores“ my kids had that I can’t think of them doing something if I ask them like take out the trash or empty the dishwasher or cut the lawn.
We never once ate dinner at a table, but we did eat dinner together watching a TV show or football. I would say a lot of our life revolved around food, but that’s because my husband‘s Italian.
I did send them to private school and I kept them very busy with high level sports. One even played college sports.
We all did a good amount of therapy.
I always kept the attitude of **** happens. Don’t let it get you down. We need to be a team and be there for each other..
Anonymous
12/08/2024 08:15
Subject: Re:Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
We did most of the above and have a success rate of 50% at the moment. Both graduated with degrees from universities. One has a masters he got for free from his employer and successfully lives in his apartment. One has had a series of unfortunate events and is currently living at home while looking for employment. They are mid-late twenties. One has had an ASD diagnosis that changes each time they change the DSM- they live in an apartment. One has major LDs but always did extremely well academically once the accommodations were in play - they are the one have trouble finding a job. They are currently tutoring until they find something full time. Both are strongly STEM.
Hopefully, in a year my answer will be different.
In many ways it is a crapshoot.
Hopefully, in a year my answer will be different.
In many ways it is a crapshoot.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 07:10
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
Anonymous wrote:I’ll try but I really do believe some of it is luck. Two boys. Dh and I had/have a good marriage so that is lucky and important.
I was sah, went pt, then almost ft about 6 and 8 th grade. So, they saw a team where both parents worked and respected each other. They both comment now on how they appreciate having a strong mother who worked. To be honest that surprised me.
They were expected to clear the table, empty the dishwasher, make bed, fold laundry, and other tasks.
We had family time but also encouraged them to be outside playing with friends. We did not need to constantly be with them as so many do today.
If they signed up for something they had to finish unless truly a bad fit. I was involved at school and we absolutely respected the teacher’s rules.
In hs, they had pt jobs on weekends and summers.One studied abroad in hs.
We talked at the dinner table. We cooked together and had them cook for us.
They absolutely had struggles, and we had frustrations with them, but overall just normal adolescence. One labeled gifted and one average.
What I feel/think/ see is so many people feel they have to do everything for their children, be with them constantly, and believe they are all extraordinary.
Most humans are average - whether it’s sports, music, arts, academics. Each person will shine for a bit - don’t make it more than it is. Follow their lead.
Have family time but let your children have a life, make sure they pack their lunch, make their bed, etc.
Talk at dinner, listen to them, have them spend time with grandparents or older people. Travel if even just to neighboring states. Go to events and museums in DC. Be involved in their thing in terms of supporting it but not overtaking it.
One graduated university and one will graduate in May. Both in 4 years. A lot of luck, and some just normal practical expectations I think built character and appreciation that sometimes get forgotten in the stress of modern parenting.
Thanks for sharing!
Anonymous
12/08/2024 07:09
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
Anonymous wrote:How do you define successful? Mine goes to community college part time and works two part time jobs and lives with her boyfriend and his father about 45 minutes away. She is happy and healthy.
I would call this a success. She's a hard working young adult who is happy.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 06:25
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
Anonymous wrote:There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.
+1
I know wonderful parents whose kids have major struggles. I think my kids are doing great despite having non perfect parents.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 06:14
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
raise humble kids - the obnoxious 7 year old invariably becomes the obnoxious 20 something. Mostly due to travel sports and insta
Anonymous
12/08/2024 01:46
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
How do you define successful? Mine goes to community college part time and works two part time jobs and lives with her boyfriend and his father about 45 minutes away. She is happy and healthy.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 01:33
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
There is no magic formula other than being caring and involved parents.
Anonymous
12/08/2024 01:31
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
Our family's dynamics is different, decent marriage, involved parents, SAHM, kids had sheltered lives, no chores, jobs or responsibilities but to be good people and good students with good work ethics. We worked hard with them but absolutely got lucky as well.
Anonymous
12/07/2024 23:13
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
I’ll try but I really do believe some of it is luck. Two boys. Dh and I had/have a good marriage so that is lucky and important.
I was sah, went pt, then almost ft about 6 and 8 th grade. So, they saw a team where both parents worked and respected each other. They both comment now on how they appreciate having a strong mother who worked. To be honest that surprised me.
They were expected to clear the table, empty the dishwasher, make bed, fold laundry, and other tasks.
We had family time but also encouraged them to be outside playing with friends. We did not need to constantly be with them as so many do today.
If they signed up for something they had to finish unless truly a bad fit. I was involved at school and we absolutely respected the teacher’s rules.
In hs, they had pt jobs on weekends and summers.One studied abroad in hs.
We talked at the dinner table. We cooked together and had them cook for us.
They absolutely had struggles, and we had frustrations with them, but overall just normal adolescence. One labeled gifted and one average.
What I feel/think/ see is so many people feel they have to do everything for their children, be with them constantly, and believe they are all extraordinary.
Most humans are average - whether it’s sports, music, arts, academics. Each person will shine for a bit - don’t make it more than it is. Follow their lead.
Have family time but let your children have a life, make sure they pack their lunch, make their bed, etc.
Talk at dinner, listen to them, have them spend time with grandparents or older people. Travel if even just to neighboring states. Go to events and museums in DC. Be involved in their thing in terms of supporting it but not overtaking it.
One graduated university and one will graduate in May. Both in 4 years. A lot of luck, and some just normal practical expectations I think built character and appreciation that sometimes get forgotten in the stress of modern parenting.
I was sah, went pt, then almost ft about 6 and 8 th grade. So, they saw a team where both parents worked and respected each other. They both comment now on how they appreciate having a strong mother who worked. To be honest that surprised me.
They were expected to clear the table, empty the dishwasher, make bed, fold laundry, and other tasks.
We had family time but also encouraged them to be outside playing with friends. We did not need to constantly be with them as so many do today.
If they signed up for something they had to finish unless truly a bad fit. I was involved at school and we absolutely respected the teacher’s rules.
In hs, they had pt jobs on weekends and summers.One studied abroad in hs.
We talked at the dinner table. We cooked together and had them cook for us.
They absolutely had struggles, and we had frustrations with them, but overall just normal adolescence. One labeled gifted and one average.
What I feel/think/ see is so many people feel they have to do everything for their children, be with them constantly, and believe they are all extraordinary.
Most humans are average - whether it’s sports, music, arts, academics. Each person will shine for a bit - don’t make it more than it is. Follow their lead.
Have family time but let your children have a life, make sure they pack their lunch, make their bed, etc.
Talk at dinner, listen to them, have them spend time with grandparents or older people. Travel if even just to neighboring states. Go to events and museums in DC. Be involved in their thing in terms of supporting it but not overtaking it.
One graduated university and one will graduate in May. Both in 4 years. A lot of luck, and some just normal practical expectations I think built character and appreciation that sometimes get forgotten in the stress of modern parenting.
Anonymous
12/07/2024 22:24
Subject: Come in if you recently raised successful young adults
What is your advice and words of wisdom for raising successfully launched young adults? I'm seeing so many cases of failure to launch kids. What helped your kids launch?