Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who isn't a toxic douchebag and the rest took care of itself. DS never showed the slightest hint of being that type of guy.

I think it was also helpful that he was never interested in team sports and never exposed to locker room culture. He mostly hung out with music and theater types and always had a lot of female friends and a close relationship with his sister. He's in a 2+ year relationship with a woman he met in college (both in grad school now)

This.

Douche dads, enabling and coddling moms who ignore and clean up their messes, and team sports (filled with more enabling adults) + likely a genetic predisposition to having an issue with alcohol = disaster

I wonder if Harvey Weinstein was more involved with team sports or the theater types…

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who isn't a toxic douchebag and the rest took care of itself. DS never showed the slightest hint of being that type of guy.

I think it was also helpful that he was never interested in team sports and never exposed to locker room culture. He mostly hung out with music and theater types and always had a lot of female friends and a close relationship with his sister. He's in a 2+ year relationship with a woman he met in college (both in grad school now)

This.

Douche dads, enabling and coddling moms who ignore and clean up their messes, and team sports (filled with more enabling adults) + likely a genetic predisposition to having an issue with alcohol = disaster

At least for me in one instance I didn't think my son obtained affirmative consent so I report him to the police.

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

One way I set this example for my 3 boys is by not voting for Trump.

Anonymous wrote:I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

As a mother of 2 boys, I wonder about this a lot. People will be who they are in one way or another. I wonder if it would have made a difference to have channeled that energy into something noble such as a military career instead of avoiding and suppressing it.

I tried everything I could -no video games, no violent movies or tv, no toy guns or swords or any violent type play at all. Encouraged empathy and peaceful problem solving and anger management (I’m a behavioral scientist).
Society influences won and he is violent and has assaulted women.
However, if I hadn’t raised him as I did, I know he’d be 100 x worse.
I’ve long admired how boys are raised in other cultures, I think our culture in the USA is dangerous.
We excuse and allow bad behavior and mistreatment of women.
This is not keeping boys safe, this is pushing them to be violent.

I am a parent of boys, so obviously I have more to say on this thread. I'm write my thoughts here in another post.

But I feel like attacking parents of girls for asking about how to prepare their own daughters, or implying that if people who are currently parenting teen boys do things perfectly will make the world safe is unfair. Even if every person who is currently the parent of a teen boy does things perfectly, there are plenty of men out there who are past the point where their parents can solve this problem by parenting well.

So, we need both strategies. And of course the parents of girls are going to be interested in discussing strategies they can use to help their daughters.

It is not my son's job to protect anyone (including your daughter).

Other than that, of course I teach him about consent and being respectful.

I teach my sons to run far far away from promiscuous girls. I show them all the examples around us wherever I can of men’s lives who were ruined by the choice the engage in one night stands, “friends with benefits”, and any other cheap premarital sex. Those men often end up with battling assault allegations, child support payments, STDs, heart hardening heartbreak, violent ex-lovers, etc. This is a major way that they can protect themselves. We teach and emphasize marriage instead and the success stories of those that choose reverent, conservative, and modest spouses. We also teach them to be reverent, conservative, and modest so as to attract the same energy.

As far as protecting others, well I don’t really think that is their job. Parents need to be teaching girls how to respect and protect themselves. Hence the reason for the other thread.

I married a man who isn't a toxic douchebag and the rest took care of itself. DS never showed the slightest hint of being that type of guy.

I think it was also helpful that he was never interested in team sports and never exposed to locker room culture. He mostly hung out with music and theater types and always had a lot of female friends and a close relationship with his sister. He's in a 2+ year relationship with a woman he met in college (both in grad school now)

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

What about the boy dads? Any responsibility there?

Anonymous wrote:Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.

Mom of 3 boys here. I have talked about consent with them multiple times. It also seems that boys these ages (teens/college) are much more well-versed about it than when we were that age. I also talk to them about choosing friends wisely because peer influence and expectations impact so much at this age. They intuitively know that drugging and raping is wrong, obviously. I have also told them not to put themselves in situations in which they could be accused of wrongdoing, wrongly or rightly.

Anonymous wrote:These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

I actually encourage what you might call "toxic masculinity." Not trying to raise any soy boys around here.

These boy-moms need to lead by eliminating any hint of toxic masculinity developing in their sons.

Parents of boys:

How are you raising your SONS to be respectful, decent, honorable, kind, and protective of others and of themselves? How are you teaching YOUR SONS to be aware, to get consent, to not drug women, to not rape women, to not harass women…or anyone? How are you preparing YOUR SONS to be a safe person, and to stay safe?

I am so tired of “how are we preparing girls.” I want to hear more from parents of boys how you are being part of the solution, how you are being proactive, how you are making positive change in this world where boys and men are usually the aggressors, the unsafe people, the predators, the perpetrators. I want to know what you are teaching your SONS.