Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about things.

I once had a fight with my sister because I found out she had opened a box of things I packed for myself at my late grandmother's house (by request of my uncle who was selling the house). I stored the box at my mom's house. My mom forgot it was for me and invited my sister to go through my box and take what she wanted. I didn't find out until I was at my sister's house and saw some of the things. I made her give me one of them.

I've never needed any of the stuff. Or used the hand-painted devilled egg plate I recaptured. In decades.

Think hard before investing emotional energy in stuff.

OP here.
In your case, it was a miscommunication that resulted in misappropriation of gifted items.
I'm talking of blatant theft and misrepresenting the origin of the items.
Spouse is dealing with a broken safe right now that the parent had discussed with spouse as intact before passing.

PP. I understand my situation's not the same. I'm just advising you to consider whether her greed to own the prints is really a big deal in context. Pilfering valuables from a safe is definitely a much bigger deal.

OP - valuable old stamps involved too.

OP I will tell you my elderly mother was flippant with offering stuff to me years ago. I have a difficult sibling she did not get along with and I just made it clear it had to be fine with her to because I did not want to end up at war with her.

Mom was going to leave me more in the will and I made it clear it must be equal because while I am not close with my sibling and did not want a relationship with her, I did not want to anything that felt wrong.

Fast forward to my parents declining. Sibling swoops in and starts turning on the charm with them. I always tried to keep her posted on hospital stays and concerns. Sister dad passed I expressed concern to her about mom's growing paranoia and unwillingness to get evaluated. She told paranoid mom I was plotting against her, set off a serious of abusive episodes that resulted in me having to distance myself and get a geriatric social worker to check on mom and coordinate things. Mom is funding siblings entire lifestyle and more. I was afraid to take an old postcard thinking it could set her off, meanwhile she torched my relationship with my mother and is living large.

So I can relate, but I always knew she would be trouble and I would have open conversations with my parents about how they expected things to work with POA etc. They had a lot of magical thinking and when I pushed they refused to discuss.

All these examples sound like miscommunication that probably can be traced back to the parents. Elderly can have a tendency to try to be generous to whomever is in front of them and they can easily lead to confusion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about things.

I once had a fight with my sister because I found out she had opened a box of things I packed for myself at my late grandmother's house (by request of my uncle who was selling the house). I stored the box at my mom's house. My mom forgot it was for me and invited my sister to go through my box and take what she wanted. I didn't find out until I was at my sister's house and saw some of the things. I made her give me one of them.

I've never needed any of the stuff. Or used the hand-painted devilled egg plate I recaptured. In decades.

Think hard before investing emotional energy in stuff.

OP here.
In your case, it was a miscommunication that resulted in misappropriation of gifted items.
I'm talking of blatant theft and misrepresenting the origin of the items.
Spouse is dealing with a broken safe right now that the parent had discussed with spouse as intact before passing.

PP. I understand my situation's not the same. I'm just advising you to consider whether her greed to own the prints is really a big deal in context. Pilfering valuables from a safe is definitely a much bigger deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to attach less importance to things, OP.

My Grandmother wanted me to inherit her jewelry. My aunt took the jewelry as "payment" for taking care of Grandma in her declining years. My Grandma had just passed and never consented to this.

My mother and I did nothing about it. It's just jewelry. In the end, my aunt has to live with herself. We still see her occasionally. She's quite a character. Eh. I don't really care. It's just stuff.

If these prints are really something you wanted to share, then you go to her house and take a number you deem fair.

It's not about things. It's about the character of this person who is your family member.
I started to understand why the spouse spent nearly 1M in attorney fees for the divorce and their kids took it as an opportunity to cut off relations. They lived on the opposite coast, rarely visited so none of the family was clued into how sibling's character was transforming.

After many years, it's still such a shock. I think I'm really naive about people.

PP you replied to. Ah, well, if it comes to character and you're only now discovering your relative is problematic in that quarter, I understand why you're in shock. I've always know my family has moral and ethical issues, so for me it was "eh, one more data point". My relatives fought for 25 years in court about their inheritance, and my Grandfather's will. My uncle's wife was accused by my mother and aunts of stealing family heirlooms that did not belong to her to resell them. They're that sort of people.

I hope you don't dwell on the negatives too much, OP. It's not good for your health.

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about things.

I once had a fight with my sister because I found out she had opened a box of things I packed for myself at my late grandmother's house (by request of my uncle who was selling the house). I stored the box at my mom's house. My mom forgot it was for me and invited my sister to go through my box and take what she wanted. I didn't find out until I was at my sister's house and saw some of the things. I made her give me one of them.

I've never needed any of the stuff. Or used the hand-painted devilled egg plate I recaptured. In decades.

Think hard before investing emotional energy in stuff.

OP here.
In your case, it was a miscommunication that resulted in misappropriation of gifted items.
I'm talking of blatant theft and misrepresenting the origin of the items.
Spouse is dealing with a broken safe right now that the parent had discussed with spouse as intact before passing.

People are weird about things.

I once had a fight with my sister because I found out she had opened a box of things I packed for myself at my late grandmother's house (by request of my uncle who was selling the house). I stored the box at my mom's house. My mom forgot it was for me and invited my sister to go through my box and take what she wanted. I didn't find out until I was at my sister's house and saw some of the things. I made her give me one of them.

I've never needed any of the stuff. Or used the hand-painted devilled egg plate I recaptured. In decades.

Think hard before investing emotional energy in stuff.

My sibling manipulated my parent into changing their will to favor my sibling. This sibling had already exhibited bullying tendencies for years, so it really wasn’t hard to just stop having anything to do with her.

This situation with my parent’s will caused me to look back and realize that this sibling had always been a bully, but was outgoing and “charming” to people who didn’t know her well. It was really only to family, and especially me, that she showed her mean and very unpleasant side. It took years for me to recognize this, though.

Yes, my sibling took everything and trashed most of it. I got nothing.

Anonymous wrote:You need to attach less importance to things, OP.

My Grandmother wanted me to inherit her jewelry. My aunt took the jewelry as "payment" for taking care of Grandma in her declining years. My Grandma had just passed and never consented to this.

My mother and I did nothing about it. It's just jewelry. In the end, my aunt has to live with herself. We still see her occasionally. She's quite a character. Eh. I don't really care. It's just stuff.

If these prints are really something you wanted to share, then you go to her house and take a number you deem fair.

It's not about things. It's about the character of this person who is your family member.
I started to understand why the spouse spent nearly 1M in attorney fees for the divorce and their kids took it as an opportunity to cut off relations. They lived on the opposite coast, rarely visited so none of the family was clued into how sibling's character was transforming.

After many years, it's still such a shock. I think I'm really naive about people.

You need to attach less importance to things, OP.

My Grandmother wanted me to inherit her jewelry. My aunt took the jewelry as "payment" for taking care of Grandma in her declining years. My Grandma had just passed and never consented to this.

My mother and I did nothing about it. It's just jewelry. In the end, my aunt has to live with herself. We still see her occasionally. She's quite a character. Eh. I don't really care. It's just stuff.

If these prints are really something you wanted to share, then you go to her house and take a number you deem fair.

Yes, my siblings both stole artwork from my mother who has dementia. One of them was a painting my mom did herself and she had given it to me but I was storing it in her studio until I had a bigger place to live. Very upsetting.

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. What does parent say now?

Parent already passed away when this was exposed. This happened years ago.
Something similar recently happened in my spouse's family so I am re-living it again.
In both cases, parents were/are obviously declining.

I don't understand it because in both cases the siblings were doing well financially so it wasn't greed. I think it's a sense of entitlement. Why would one do this to their family? In my sibling's case, almost everyone is estranged from sibling (for many other reasons). The natal family, ex-spouse, their children. The outcome has been very sad.

I’m so sorry. What does parent say now?

Nobody noticed that the prints were missing. My parent was out of the country half of the year so no one knows when it happened. Parent likely never noticed in the same way I never noticed.
The missing items were revealed when sibling was divorcing and had no place to stash the prints except park it with extended family.
Sibling claims parent gifted the prints.
There were handwritten notes by sibling's hand that the prints were purchased at a local museum they both visited. I know for a fact the prints were made by a friend of parent in foreign country (because parent told me).

I don't know how to have a relationship with sibling. Nor how to explain this to my kids.
It's makes me so sad and angry.