Anonymous wrote:DCUM told me thank you notes are actually rude.

I can’t tell if this is sarcasm?

DCUM told me thank you notes are actually rude.

Hmm. I do send thank you notes frequently. But I don’t remember anyone’s birthday other than my spouse and children. I do make meals for new babies, serious illness/surgery, death. I check in on friends i know are going through hard times. I’m terrible at responding to invitations promptly. I try.

I do thank you texts with dc holding the gift, I did paper ones when I had one dc but now I just can't get it done. I feel bad but.... for food, sometimes - I also do Uber Eats gift cards or send food from Zabar's (we are in NYC). In terms of death, it depends on my relationship but I do go for close friends' parents who have passed.

Birthdays and anniversaries, I am terrible at dates and I am not really a gift giving person to be honest. I think at our age, it is for your immediate family to celebrate your birthday and anniversary and sort of dislike having to attend things for like a friend's birthday if I'm honest.

I have done nothing. No social graces at sll. But that seems similar to everyone else I know. I do try to be kind though.

I'm terrible at social graces and it pains me, but adult ADHD and the pressures of family life make it hard to change (and yes, I'm making excuses) even though I really mean to.

How good are you at social graces? Thank you notes, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, sending food when someone is ill, sitting shiva / attending wakes, etc...? What have you clung on to and what have you let go?