Anonymous wrote:Two of my siblings died this year and nobody did anything - including my “good friends” - besides send a text or say “sorry” when they saw me. I didn’t hold it against anybody. People can be odd and awkward when it comes to these things. Just get over it already.

That is truly awful. I’m sorry

Anonymous wrote:Did they call, come to visit, or otherwise check in on you? Did they ask if you needed anything to let them know?

No

Anonymous wrote:I am 38 years old. I have no clue why if a friends parent dies, I would send food or flowers. You get a text or phone call but food? Flowers? Just seems odd to me. I would not expect that in return either.

You sound like a peach.

Anonymous wrote:OP - I lost my first parent this year and I have to say that I didn't know it would be so hard. I really appreciated the few actual cards/flowers I got from friends. I think I failed my friends before I was in their shoes.

Actually I've started asking my friends about their parents who died in the last couple of years because it still feels lonely for me. I will go out of my way to be there for friends in the future. I'm not sure I'd drop friends for this because like I said above, I'm sure I've let friends down.

I'm really sorry it's been such a horrendous year.

Why would you think it would be easy?

I had to deal first with my father declining health then when he died I have been dealing with my mother having Alzheimer’s for 10 very long years. I am very envious of people whose parents pass away without a long and painful decline.

I just don’t have it in me to say sorry when friends’ parents die because one if the happiest days of my life will be when my mother dies. Sorry to be so callous but that’s the truth.

Anonymous wrote:Did they do anything? Do they have anything going on right now? I was a very attentive friend until multiple stressors hit my family (dad's illness, husband hospitalized, etc).

That's a good point. Sometimes we don't know what other people are dealing with because outwardly their lives seem fine.

I am 38 years old. I have no clue why if a friends parent dies, I would send food or flowers. You get a text or phone call but food? Flowers? Just seems odd to me. I would not expect that in return either.

Did they do anything? Do they have anything going on right now? I was a very attentive friend until multiple stressors hit my family (dad's illness, husband hospitalized, etc).

Had they lost a parent yet? Unless people
grew up with parents that showed them how to respond appropriately to the bereaved, many people don't know what to do. They think they will bother or add to your grief by mentioning it. The only person close to me that had died in 50 years was my grandmother when I was a child. When my father passed, I finally understood what people needed and it wasn't to be left alone to grieve. I learned more when my mother died. Two years later, I am still working through my feelings now that the most influential people in my life are gone. It's easy to want to cut people out of your life that disappoint you but it just makes your world smaller.

OP - I lost my first parent this year and I have to say that I didn't know it would be so hard. I really appreciated the few actual cards/flowers I got from friends. I think I failed my friends before I was in their shoes.

Actually I've started asking my friends about their parents who died in the last couple of years because it still feels lonely for me. I will go out of my way to be there for friends in the future. I'm not sure I'd drop friends for this because like I said above, I'm sure I've let friends down.

I'm really sorry it's been such a horrendous year.

Two of my siblings died this year and nobody did anything - including my “good friends” - besides send a text or say “sorry” when they saw me. I didn’t hold it against anybody. People can be odd and awkward when it comes to these things. Just get over it already.

Did they call, come to visit, or otherwise check in on you? Did they ask if you needed anything to let them know?

Oh they call themselves ‘good’ friends. I’ve just realized they’re rather self involved and thoughtless, in other areas as well. It’s no longer something I feel like I want to tolerate and shows a lack of manners

Sounds like people you think of as "good friends" consider you an acquaintance. Proceed with this knowledge. And I'm so sorry for your loss.

Didn’t do anything, send a card, flowers or food or anything. I can’t get past feeling upset and don’t want to be friends with them anymore.

Is this wrong?