I am confused by the way you say "we host" and then say you are going somewhere else for the holiday.

Is it a gathering where you all go somewhere neutral, no one's home? And this is a tradition your kids are used to?

Who are the kids with day to day now?

What is the distance to this place? Are there other places you could afford to stay nearby?

If you don’t tag along to this destination, will you not see your children on Christmas Day? It sounds like your separation is very recent and your and the ex haven’t worked out a holiday schedule. I would probably say I am not feeling well and keep the kids home with me. I would probably tell your ex the truth—all this family togetherness is too much this year.

Anonymous wrote:Op - where we go for Xmas is not near where we live but it’s booked and we go every year and everyone stays.
I don’t mind dh staying in separate room but having to pretend a bunch of things and host ils too is too much. But then it sucks for kids and ILs to not have each other. But I don’t want to not have kids for part of it if I can avoid it. Yeesh

just rip off the bandaid. Wherever it is, there are hotels or airbnbs for your DH to rent. He does NOT stay with you period end of story. If you truly must be “kind” you can let your IL stay over Christmas Eve, but don’t make this a plan going forward.

Op - where we go for Xmas is not near where we live but it’s booked and we go every year and everyone stays.
I don’t mind dh staying in separate room but having to pretend a bunch of things and host ils too is too much. But then it sucks for kids and ILs to not have each other. But I don’t want to not have kids for part of it if I can avoid it. Yeesh

XDH has a place. ILs stat there or hotel he pays for.
They can come to house to see grandkids.

Nope
Move on with your life.

Your DH is the one who cheated. Why is it all on you to manage the situation with HIS parents?

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

no not this either. Op needs to start drawing boundaries. Split up the holiday and let the exDH handle his own family.

Does the ex DH have his own place? That’s where his parents can stay. He needs to figure this out. Have you and your ex decided on a holiday schedule with the kids this year? Maybe he can host his parents and invite your kids for dinner.

He doesn’t need to stay but let the grandparents stay for the kids.

Zero tips
Cancel the plans
Have your husband advise his parents why.

Anonymous wrote:No way.

Dh tells his parents what he did (or at a minimum that he made a marriage changing duck up) and no ILs this year.

(Btdt)

Me again adding it's important for cheaters to see the ripple effects of their actions

No way.

Dh tells his parents what he did (or at a minimum that he made a marriage changing duck up) and no ILs this year.

(Btdt)

Tips? Just cancel. He can call his parents to let them know that you all are separated. When they ask why, he can tell them that he cheated.

Usually we have the ils for Xmas eve and the night after to stay. This is our first Xmas being separated (dh cheated) and not sure how to play it. Dh and I could manage together but the idea of having him and his parents to stay feels like a lot. Any tips?