Just use her credit card when you make the purchase. Or set up her bank accounts with online banking so that you know the passwords/codes - then transfer money to yourself when appropriate.

My mom is in her mid-80s and has never been comfortable with online transactions. Her handwriting is just starting to get shaky and she is uncomfortable with that. She is otherwise cognitively fine, though, so setting aside the dementia concerns above, this is what I do:

I set up online accounts for things like her bank, with her credentials but with my cell phone as the contact number for authenticating codes, since she can't manage that. I log in and perform transactions for her with her sayso, and keep an eye on them to be sure nothing weird is going on. If her credit union offers online banking, you should be able to do this for her even if you're not on the account.

I have one of her credit card numbers on file and when she wants something ordered from an online store, I order it for her using her card. I have never had the slightest problem doing this.

When she really needs to write a check for something, I fill out the check except for the signature and then have her sign it. (We're local, so I can easily go over and do that.)

My mom has writing issues also. Started about that age, she is 85 now, and wasn't a sign of anything more progressive than old age. First noticed it in birthday cards.

I took over most of her banking because it definitely triggered her anxiety. Not about money but more about finding it confusing and having to write checks. I just log in as her to her account, she can do it too. I set up all her automatic bill pays then I can do checks straight from her account if she needs it. That way if I end up booking things for her I just send myself a check. She has no problem logging in and seeing activity, she just has trouble getting the money out.

74 is too young to have any of these issues, I also agree that she needs to get evaluated.

I do some online transactions for my mom (84 and very wary of technology). I do them while in the phone with her so she’s reading me her credit card number and I type it in, or she gives me her bank account number if it’s a direct payment situation. That way we don’t have to deal with reimbursement.

She has, luckily, set up bill pay for everything so she doesn’t have many checks to write, any online account she has uses my phone number as the verification number because she doesn’t understand texting and never has her cell phone on.
So I don’t have great advice on getting her to do autopay-but if she is willing to let you start having access to her accounts you may be able to gradually nudge her that direction.

Anonymous wrote:Her writing issues might be a sign of early Alzheimer’s, same as confusion and being flustered. Try to get a DPOA, take control of her finances, and get her checked out for Alz.

This. My mom (age 83 with moderate Alzheimer’s, currently living in memory care) started showing symptoms when she was around 77 years old. One of her first symptoms was a decrease in executive functioning skills. She was no longer able to manage finances or keep track of appointments. Writing checks became difficult. She wasn’t able to keep track of due dates so bills were paid late or not at all. She’d receive a bill or other document in the mail and she’d fly into a panic, not knowing what it was or what to do with it. She could no longer handle automated menus so making phone calls to take care of official business became overwhelming for her. And she never learned to use a computer so “banking” to her involved going to the bank in person, which stopped when driving became too difficult. She was also sending money to every charity that sent her solicitations in the mail. We’d tell her to just put everything into a basket so we could go through it whenever we visited, but that didn’t work.

I ended up getting DPOA and completely taking over her finances. All “official” mail comes to my address and at the memory care she gets only “fun” mail like cards and letters from friends. This was the easiest, cleanest way to handle things and thankfully she didn’t resist.

After my mom’s death, I introduced bill paying slowly to my father. I lived close by so I instructed him to save all his paper bills and I would pay (with him to verify) weekly. If you live farther away, you probably need access to her checking account and online billing.

Her writing issues might be a sign of early Alzheimer’s, same as confusion and being flustered. Try to get a DPOA, take control of her finances, and get her checked out for Alz.

My mom is 74 and in control of her own funds. I am not trying to take control. But increasingly, she cannot manage online transactions such as booking flights or hotels - she gets confused and flustered. I have done a few of these bookings for her and she pays me back, but she pays me with a paper check that is frankly just scrawled on (she has motor issues): the mobile banking app can't read the checks, although so far my bank tellers have accepted them. She also is not comfortable mailing checks because she saw a news segment on check-washing, so it often takes a long time for me to get reimbursed. She does no online banking, and her bank is a credit union that I cannot join.

I'm just curious if other people have experience with this or know of tools she could use. Is there a payment app that's friendly to seniors? An easy way to print out checks instead of hand-writing them? Should I ask for access to her accounts?