OP here, thank you for all the helpful perspective here, I really appreciate it!

Anonymous wrote:...have they been able to build some since then? My DC is at a small private and ever since falling out with some kids in middle school (same school) hasn't established any strong relationships. (The pandemic was a factor, things spiraled for them.) If your adult child did not have strong friendships in HS, were they able to build some in college or after?

This exactly describes my daughter who is now near the end of college and who now definitely has friends and they are all as quirky as she is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of my DCs are mild ASD and can make friends but struggle to maintain them long-term. High school was super hard for both—mostly alone. Both are doing somewhat better in college. I see growth, but both still fall far behind their peers socially.

My oldest is similar, and while he didn't really do better with friendships in college, he is now happily married and has kids. He still doesn't really have friends, but his wife is his best friend, and he's very family-oriented. So it's worked out for him and he's happy.

I know several people like this (including my brother)....mostly men and one woman. They're perfectly content with their spouse and kids and are dedicated partners and parents.

They also have other family in their inner circle...parents, siblings, in-laws, etc.

For some, immediate family is enough, and for others, immediate + extended family is enough.

In my brother's case, he's an introvert and also an internal medicine doctor, so he talks with people all day long.

My adult son had few friends in HS but now has more than the rest of us put together. He was able to find people who had similar interests (cars and jeeps). I don’t know if he has any friends that aren’t into cars or jeeps.

He’s a genuinely nice guy and he and his friends are the type to really help each other out. Car breakdown? Need a bed moved? Whatever. He has someone to call and if he’s called, he’s right there unless he’s working.

Anonymous wrote:Both of my DCs are mild ASD and can make friends but struggle to maintain them long-term. High school was super hard for both—mostly alone. Both are doing somewhat better in college. I see growth, but both still fall far behind their peers socially.

My oldest is similar, and while he didn't really do better with friendships in college, he is now happily married and has kids. He still doesn't really have friends, but his wife is his best friend, and he's very family-oriented. So it's worked out for him and he's happy.

Both of my DCs are mild ASD and can make friends but struggle to maintain them long-term. High school was super hard for both—mostly alone. Both are doing somewhat better in college. I see growth, but both still fall far behind their peers socially.

Yes it is

Is it worth considering another school?
I realize it might not be. For one of my kids, moving to public opened up a whole new world.

Well I had what I call pseudo-friendships in high school. I appeared to have friends, but felt no close connection and was happy to let them fade. I loved college and made tons of close friends.I still keep in touch with some. My closest friends from my school years are from elementary and grad school.

...have they been able to build some since then? My DC is at a small private and ever since falling out with some kids in middle school (same school) hasn't established any strong relationships. (The pandemic was a factor, things spiraled for them.) If your adult child did not have strong friendships in HS, were they able to build some in college or after?