* meant 35 ppl on a text thread is max (iPhone).

Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

Oh please, that's ridiculous.

I’d just show up at the class block party.
No one knows who’s invited or not.
We moved here last year and apparently texts max out at 35 so we never get stuff but just show up. Works fine. 9 and 11 yo. But these are group activities but even for TP and caution tape parties my kids find out late and go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I’ve just make my own plan for my 3 kids each year. We leave our neighborhood and go to my parents’ more festive and full of kids neighborhood. My kids don’t feel pressure to make their own plans because they know we already have plans if they don’t have one. So far they have preferred to stick together on Halloween.

You don’t have MS age kids do you?

+1

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

How do you feel about the fact that your child disinvited two other kids?

Sorry OP. That sucks and his other friend that changed plans was super rude!

Anonymous wrote:This is why I’ve just make my own plan for my 3 kids each year. We leave our neighborhood and go to my parents’ more festive and full of kids neighborhood. My kids don’t feel pressure to make their own plans because they know we already have plans if they don’t have one. So far they have preferred to stick together on Halloween.

You don’t have MS age kids do you?

I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

Anonymous wrote:Are you close enough with any of the moms to ask them for insight? I wouldn’t jump to conclusions now, but if he continues to be excluded/isolated I would definitely be concerned.

For tonight I’d offer a movie or some activity you know he likes, and if he wants to stay home and be sad, I’d respect that. I’m sorry those boys were so unkind to your son.

In middle school? Don't do this. This is for your kid to navigate. Of COURSE the other kid's are being jerks, but that is life. Do not intervene with a mom, that's a guarantee he'll never be invited again.

Are you close enough with any of the moms to ask them for insight? I wouldn’t jump to conclusions now, but if he continues to be excluded/isolated I would definitely be concerned.

For tonight I’d offer a movie or some activity you know he likes, and if he wants to stay home and be sad, I’d respect that. I’m sorry those boys were so unkind to your son.

I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

This is why I’ve just make my own plan for my 3 kids each year. We leave our neighborhood and go to my parents’ more festive and full of kids neighborhood. My kids don’t feel pressure to make their own plans because they know we already have plans if they don’t have one. So far they have preferred to stick together on Halloween.

You don't need to fix this or talk it out to death. It's okay for kids to sulk and be sad when something upsetting happens. Sometimes these things happen. Just tell him he's in charge of opening the door and giving out candy to the kids who come by.

Jerks. Sorry, OP.

Hi there,

My middle school kid had plans to trick or treat with a friend tonight. Yesterday the friend told him he was going with someone else. Today he asked the group of kids he walks to/from school with everyday if he could join them and was told it was a private event at one of the kid's houses on our street before trick or treat and they couldn't invite him.

There's nothing that can be done now but I want to help him navigate this in a positive and productive way....and also identify if he's doing something he should change that's contributing to the situation.

Unfortunately he's clearly hurt and isnt sharing much detail on what's been said between them.

Up until this point social things seemed good. He was going to these kid's houses and having them over here after school and on weekends - even as recent as yesterday. I plan to give him space and revisit it another time but how do you help your child with this kind of thing? It seems especially hard because he's turning inward. I won't force him to talk about it and will proceed based on his cues/willingness to share.

Anyway...have you dealt with something like this? What would you recommend? Thank you!