Anonymous wrote:I’m an introvert and my whole life people have been telling me that I seem aloof and uncaring. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

Same here. People look for any reason the judge.

The people I want to be close to know that I am warm and kind and funny. The people who judge me because I am not performatively fake and bubbly, they may not know or like me, that’s fine.

I’d rather be myself and genuinely close to some people versus fake peppy and effusive, then talk behind other people’s back like many of the “outgoing” types I see.

Anonymous wrote:You both need better people skills

This.

Anonymous wrote:I’m an introvert and my whole life people have been telling me that I seem aloof and uncaring. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

+1

Anonymous wrote:You both need better people skills

You need better manners.

OP, ignore this. There are full on cultures of people similarly introverted. This is why I love the Scandinavian countries. No pressure for small talk.

Yeah, this is a thing. It's especially rough for highly attractive people who are introverted and quiet. People label them as snooty, stuck up, aloof and judgy, etc. When they are just trying to live their damn life.

OP, I say this just as a data point, but we found out a little later in our kids life that they’re aloofness/judgyness
was actually HFASD. Just because someone’s an introvert doesn’t make them like how you describe in all social interactions. Being introverted means you build your energy internally versus externally. It doesn’t mean that you have trouble with most social interactions.

I was told I look angry all the time. I have severe learning disabilities and my brain is going a thousand miles a minute trying to understand the conversation and situation around me - I'm not angry, just thinking. Sometimes I'm translating words that were said into other words I'll understand better.

I have definitely met introverts who seem more aloof and judgy than others. I think it's all about how they carry themselves and present themselves. If they smile and are polite but quiet and don't engage much, I'll just assume they are shy or a little uncomfortable. If they stand off to the side and don't engage with anyone, especially if they have RBF or stand with their arms crossed or other disengaged body language I'm going to thing you're not particularly friendly.

Not all, but I can see how some come across this way. I have an introvert in my life who doesn’t do much social smiling and has a blank affect, often. He’s not that way, but the impression is not inviting. Someone who is facially expressive and smiles comes off differently even without saying anything.

I'm an introvert but I'm smiley when I meet people. Partly because as an introvert, I know how hard it can be to meet new people and I don't want people to assume I dislike them because I have RBF. I'm not effusive and am shy about developing friendships, but I smile a bit and try to be friendly. I think it goes a long way to just not putting people off.

I think if you're naturally introverted or shy, aiming for friendliness helps you hit an okay middle ground. No one is ever going to accuse me of coming on too strong.

Read the book Quiet.

I’m an introvert and my whole life people have been telling me that I seem aloof and uncaring. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

You both need better people skills

Do you think of more reserved people that way? Someone commented that to dd today, and it brought me back to the same with me as a teen. The funny thing is people who know us we are really kind and the total opposite of judgy, but first impressions must be terrible (that's how it came up for her today: "I thought you hated me when we met" said someone who now really likes her) We're not effusive people with people we don't know, and quiet. I don't know if it is something to change or that can be changed.