We eventually decided to have a trusted accountant doing it instead and he provides regular updates. I highly recommend this if any of your siblings have paranoid and/or hostile tendencies. It can be a ton of work and I don't have the bandwidth for dealing with histrionics and false accusations. It also makes it so much easier to prevent scams because mom is more willing to behave and listen to an expert accountant. She does not want her "children" telling her what to do and it became exhausting trying to make her think everything was her idea and having to be subservient.

We will do the same when it is time to deal with the estate which will be extremely complicated in our case. It is worth the fee when there are difficult personalities involved.

My mother has dementia and started losing the ability to manage money about 5 years ago, which was a few years before she was diagnosed and we realized what was happening.

Officially, I have a blanket poa but it turns out that the banks want their own. Filled one out with fidelity and another with B of A with her in person at branch office.

I also have a joint checking account where I pay mom's bills. This means that I will continue to have access if she passes so I can pay mortage, etc, while we wrap things up. er social security and pension go to this account, and I pay all bills from it, plus transfer money from IRA/Roth when necessary. Other banks accounts are POD with me and my brother. I also have password to her social security and medicare accounts.

She has a will and trust that was written while my mom was still cognitively sound. I am executor and successor trustee with my brother. We both have copies of this document.

the other aspect of managing money for elders is to protect from scammers. Mom has a credit card (we actually each have a card for this one account) that notifies me on the chase app whenever its used but except for buying a few things here and there either with me or the lady who takes her out on occasion, she rarely uses it. I also review things regularly, including credit reports. I have all of her log ons and pay everything electronically. She doesn't have a cell phone and hasn't done any banking or gotten on a computer in 2 years and at this point probably doesn't know how to write a check so at least she is no longer vulnerable to scammers. For older parents, you should try to get access to accounts and ensure they are not sending money to scammers.

Anonymous wrote:There was just a post on a military spouse page I follow where the bank wouldn’t accept her general POA and required her to get her deployed spouse to sign their form. Big PITA as he’s literally unavailable right now, but apparently that’s a standard based on other military spouses’ experiences. So I’d get that done for each bank they have accounts at while they are competent and able to sign.

I’d also have “transfer on death” set up on all bank and brokerage accounts, assuming that matches their plans. My dad did that and it made transferring funds to myself and my sister pretty easy when the time came.

This may be at Navy Fed and they are the worst.

Anonymous wrote:The bank does not have to accept your POA. Some banks have their own POA docs. You also need to do a living will and a will. Also get a POA for Healthcare in addition to the POA for financial. Add yourself to the checking account as joint so you can manage bills/expenses when parent can’t. Make sure all bank accounts and brokerage accounts, life insurance, Ira’s etc,,,have a beneficiary named as this will avoid accounts going through probate. Move some assets (including house) to revocable trust with named beneficiaries and trustee. Benefiary and trustee can be same person. Again, the trust will avoid probate. Long term care insurance - if you have it - make sure you have assigned a representative. Medicare - again complete forms for designated representatives so you can directly deal with them on parents behalf.

So-called “living wills” are an option, but not a necessity and, if there is already durable health care power in place, can cause more trouble than they prevent.

Trust and other transfers can trigger Medicaid disqualification rules.

Consult an experienced lawyer affiliated with the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys.

Anonymous wrote:There was just a post on a military spouse page I follow where the bank wouldn’t accept her general POA and required her to get her deployed spouse to sign their form. Big PITA as he’s literally unavailable right now, but apparently that’s a standard based on other military spouses’ experiences. So I’d get that done for each bank they have accounts at while they are competent and able to sign.

I’d also have “transfer on death” set up on all bank and brokerage accounts, assuming that matches their plans. My dad did that and it made transferring funds to myself and my sister pretty easy when the time came.

I didn’t know about this option but it is a good idea. POAs don’t work after the person dies.

The bank does not have to accept your POA. Some banks have their own POA docs. You also need to do a living will and a will. Also get a POA for Healthcare in addition to the POA for financial. Add yourself to the checking account as joint so you can manage bills/expenses when parent can’t. Make sure all bank accounts and brokerage accounts, life insurance, Ira’s etc,,,have a beneficiary named as this will avoid accounts going through probate. Move some assets (including house) to revocable trust with named beneficiaries and trustee. Benefiary and trustee can be same person. Again, the trust will avoid probate. Long term care insurance - if you have it - make sure you have assigned a representative. Medicare - again complete forms for designated representatives so you can directly deal with them on parents behalf.

There was just a post on a military spouse page I follow where the bank wouldn’t accept her general POA and required her to get her deployed spouse to sign their form. Big PITA as he’s literally unavailable right now, but apparently that’s a standard based on other military spouses’ experiences. So I’d get that done for each bank they have accounts at while they are competent and able to sign.

I’d also have “transfer on death” set up on all bank and brokerage accounts, assuming that matches their plans. My dad did that and it made transferring funds to myself and my sister pretty easy when the time came.

Each financial services firm has their own form and most won’t accept a general POA. I’d get into filling them out asap because some require wet signatures, witnesses, and notaries, and others let you do everything online.

Also, each firm can have different rules for different types of accounts. I’d ask each firm upfront what the policies are for each type of account and what documentation they need. I found that I’d fill out a form, then learn I actually needed something different.

Also, don’t just talk to regular customer service reps. Always ask for the estate department. They’re so much more knowledge and won’t give as much contradictory advice.

Once all the paperwork is fully done, email copies to yourself. That way they’ll always be available in a pinch. For example, you’re in the hospital and they want the most recent health care proxy form. You can just forward it right over from your phone.

Also scan images of all IDs and financial cards, front and back. Over time you’ll find you need them constantly.

These are lessons I’ve learned the hard way.

Well, we already have a blanket POA document drawn up by a lawyer years ago. Is that enough?

I already do the taxes, meet with the financial advisor, and pay the bills.

One bank said they have their own POA form and suggested I fill it out, have it signed by parent, and get the form notarized. But can the POA form from the attorney do the trick?

The financial advisor was fine with the POA form drawn up by the lawyer.

Taking care of the financial affairs is already a lot without adding more paperwork.