Anonymous wrote:Both exes took my kids, but when they were older already and not much work.
Ex sits at home and does nothing. The kid ended up also super chill. Doesn't do much besides school.
The other one dragged the kid everywhere including every errand. He was a big shopper.
Careful, unhealthy mind is inflexible mind. I got the second kid with me 100% of the time. Big surprise.

Your entire post is difficult to understand-fyi.

Both exes took my kids, but when they were older already and not much work.
Ex sits at home and does nothing. The kid ended up also super chill. Doesn't do much besides school.
The other one dragged the kid everywhere including every errand. He was a big shopper.
Careful, unhealthy mind is inflexible mind. I got the second kid with me 100% of the time. Big surprise.

So, you want to terminate the relationship….just do it and stop trying to justify it. You are only hurting your kids with your spite.

He did surprise me. He became much more engaged. When the kids are with him, he is razor focused. He has never missed time with them. He goes to every single thing they invite him to. Quality over quantity. He’s never asked for more time, but shows up for all he has.

Anonymous wrote:I think what they want is to tell other people it's 50/50 or some significant amount and have nobody call their BS. It's about saving face and social acceptability.

That doesn't really make much sense because it's not like anyone is going to know the actual custody arrangements. Kids friends parents might figure it out when they make plans with only one parent but otherwise no one would know if someone lied about 50/50.

I think what they want is to tell other people it's 50/50 or some significant amount and have nobody call their BS. It's about saving face and social acceptability.

If your spouse was a very unengaged parent, did custody play out how you expected or did they want an unexpected amount? If they ended up with more than you thought they would go for, did they rise to the occasion

My bipolar spouse openly admits he can’t cope with the kids and doesn’t parent at all. He would agree with this. Child support wouldn’t be a factor (I’m able and willing to waive it) but fear that he’d supposed want a lot of custody bc of ego when he’s no more equipped to cope is terrifying. A lawyer said that typically for men like this if you give them a story to protect their ego, they don’t actually want or go for much custody, but it’s such a high stakes risk