I have an only and he doesn’t act like this at all. Because we don’t allow that behavior. Meanwhile I know plenty of kids with siblings who kick, punch, yell at and throw things. Because their parents don’t do anything to mitigate that behavior.

Anonymous wrote:Siblings don't put up with this
even if parents don't shut-it-down, siblings will

I’m actually really unsure of how our kids should handle his misbehavior.

They are older and bigger so I tell them they can’t just hit him back. Plus we have a strict no hitting or hurting people rule in our house.

They have asked me what they are supposed to do when he starts getting mean and beating up on them.

If I have my eyes on him obviously I intervene. But if I don’t, how should I advise them to handle the situation?

I didn’t answer their question because I didn’t know the right answer.

Regardless of what's going on in his home, he's a young child in an unusual situation with this visit. If he's bright, he's probably just figuring out what the house rules are/testing boundaries. And as an only, he probably isn't thinking about your kids' food needs, etc.

I would go logical and calmly explain more.

Siblings don't put up with this
even if parents don't shut-it-down, siblings will

Anonymous wrote:Personality. I have 3 kids and my youngest is similar. My other 2 are much more laid back. FWIW, my oldest was 4 when #2 came, so basically an only for 4 years and she is not demanding at all. And fwiw, I find your description of this 4-year old child's actions hard to believe. Maybe this kid is brilliant, but none of mine at that age would remember that saw a toy specifically at Target and then mention that they want it and with that level of detail a few days later. And going to the wood shop to buy wood for a tree fort? Does this kid live in Home Depot?

He’s 4 going on 20. He speaks better than my older children and he’s incredibly smart. And my kids are pretty darn smart too, but his verbal skills are off the charts.

Personality. I have 3 kids and my youngest is similar. My other 2 are much more laid back. FWIW, my oldest was 4 when #2 came, so basically an only for 4 years and she is not demanding at all. And fwiw, I find your description of this 4-year old child's actions hard to believe. Maybe this kid is brilliant, but none of mine at that age would remember that saw a toy specifically at Target and then mention that they want it and with that level of detail a few days later. And going to the wood shop to buy wood for a tree fort? Does this kid live in Home Depot?

To all those shouting that it’s a parenting problem I would note that some children are MUCH more difficult/demanding/bossy than others. He wanted a toy from Target that mom wouldn’t buy. So, she doesn’t give him everything, but he’s asking for it! Some children are like that. (Yes, we can help them improve.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's how he's parented.

Are you saying he’s spoiled?

He's catered to. He's probably dictating what's for breakfast, saying "I don't want that" to what is planned for dinner and being given what he wants, getting asked what he wants to do on weekends and it's being done. You can give a TON of attention to your kids without giving in to everything they want.

Combination of innate personality traits, parenting style, and lack of having to accommodate siblings. It’s everything together!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's how he's parented.

Are you saying he’s spoiled?

You're a quick one.

My DH and I have one, and she does not behave like this at all. While we spend plenty of time with her and always prioritize her needs, she certainly does not call the shots with any household decisions, and is in now way allowed to treat any of her cousins or friends disrespectfully. Agree with the above who say that this isn't an "only child problem" but a "parenting problem."

Anonymous wrote:It's how he's parented.

Are you saying he’s spoiled?

It's how he's parented.

How are you not realizing that his parents are the problem?

Taking care of our 4yo nephew for a week, and whew! I love him to bits but he is also so exhausting. It is constant hands on management. We kind of need him to just go with the flow with our family as we have lots of competing obligations, activities and responsibilities.

But his expectations are the complete opposite. He expects to call ALL the shots and it’s been constant coaching him that he doesn’t get to boss everyone around and tell us how the day is going to go and how he expects us to bend to his every whim.

Also he just starts beating up on our kids who are older than him, and our kids are just too nice to fight back. I nipped that in the bud, but I don’t even know where that is coming from as I know he loves them, follows them around everywhere. But if they are not doing exactly what he wants them to do, that is his strategy.

And it is just constant demands. He wants us to take him to target to go buy him a toy. He wants us to take him to the ice cream shop to buy him an ice cream cone with sprinkles. He wants us to take him to the wood shop to buy wood to build him a tree fort. And he says it like “hey. I need to tell you something. I know exactly what we should do tomorrow. We’ll go out early in the morning and have an amazing adventure at target. And you will buy me this thing I saw at target that mommy won’t even buy for me.” And I’m like, yeah we’re not doing that tomorrow. We already have plans to do x”

Our kids would never have the gumption to even say something like that to their family members, so a part of me is like, why does he constantly think he is running the show here?

Also it’s things like having the last word. I might say, ok I’m going to cook up some “bacon, sausages, eggs, and waffles for breakfast.” And he’ll say, “ok you can cook the sausages and eggs, and make extra for me. Don’t make the waffles and bacon because I don’t want to eat it.” And I’ll say well I’ll make the waffles and bacon for everyone else. And he’ll say “NO! Only the eggs and sausages! I SAID I DONT WANT THE OTHER STUFF!!” And I’ll be like, sorry bud, you don’t get to tell us what we can cook or can’t cook in our house. But it’s stuff like this. It’s exhausting.

Is this an only child thing? Personality trait? Just stubbornness?