Ok this is so timely and helpful.
Reviewing pdf of my DD common app. I agree with the point of drawing a line so to speak between everything.

The “story” is the whole point of the application (otherwise they just have you send in the statistics).

If you miss the fact that you were supposed to tell a compelling story, you have no shot.
It’s the ENTIRE point of holistic admissions.

That link has a ton of good advice. In the Guide section.

Anonymous wrote:Oh God when are some billionaire Asians going to go open a school with admissions based on meaningful criteria?

you miss the point. reading the activities, you clearly smile....the applicant is likable and would likely do all of this kind of stuff on campus.
stuff no one else really does, or talks about bc they think you need the "big" internships etc.

Oh God when are some billionaire Asians going to go open a school with admissions based on meaningful criteria?

Clearly a private HS Manhattan kid. Well done to tone down the privilege in the activities description, and incl this:

Owner, Dog-Walking Business
Run dog-walking service with my siblings for neighbors in apartment complex.

There are a lot of land mines in so many parts of the application.

I found this helpful for activities description. More than anything, she strikes me as a nice normal kid who has done a lot related to her specific /niche area of interest. It doesn’t all have to be crazy or OTT research.

https://www.commandeducation.com/resource/common-app-activities-list/

Below, you’ll find an Example Common Application Activities List! This fictional student demonstrates a strong hook in environmental science and art. Her hook is conveyed through an impressive mix of in-school extracurriculars, out-of-school activities, summer activities, and hobbies. Not only has she pursued multiple activities in both environmental science and art, but she has also found and studied creative intersections between these fields, through painting murals at local gardens, featuring and selling her nature photography on her personal social media, and studying environmental art at a summer program. By reading her Activities List, admissions officers would be able to envision her continuing to explore these intersections as an undergraduate, as well as contributing to sustainability initiatives and artistic projects and clubs on campus.
Through this highly descriptive and well-crafted Activities List, admissions officers can glean this prospective student’s important priorities and some of her salient characteristics. This student is creatively-minded, self-driven, capable of leading groups and teams, and interested in community-building. It is clear that as a student in NYC, she has taken advantage of the extensive resources at her disposal–universities, museums, nonprofits, and even her own apartment complex–in order to contribute to her community and explore her passions from multiple angles. Lastly, the fact that this student is an accomplished student-athlete speaks to her ability to manage her time effectively and develop an impressive and diverse variety of skills.
Admissions officers always look to see whether a student’s selections for their intended majors align with their hook and Activities List, and in this case, this Activities List would best complement an intended double-major in Environmental Science and Studio Art. Because this student also has an entrepreneurial streak, she could optionally indicate a secondary interest in business if a school offers dual degrees, majors, or minors in business administration for undergraduates. It is helpful to be aware that consistency across every part of the application, from coursework and letters of recommendation to the Activities List, intended majors, and essays, is necessary for building a cohesive narrative.

Activities
Environmental
10, 11, 12
Year
4 hr/wk, 52 wk/yr
Continue

Founder, The Cactus Swap Project NYC
Build community with over 1,000 cactus-lovers in NYC. Share info about plant sales, swaps, and propagation. Hosted planting workshops at 8 schools.
Environmental
10, 11, 12
School
8 hr/wk, 25 wk/yr
Continue

President, Average HS Green Club
Organized inaugural Green Week with themed activities and prizes. Convinced school admin to implement meatless Mondays. Host weekly meetings, trips.
Research
11
Break
35 hr/wk, 8 wk/yr
Continue

Research Intern, Local University
Collected data on health and resilience of trees in NYC saltwater marshes after flooding events. Recommended species and locations for replanting.
Athletics: JV or Varsity
9, 10, 11, 12
School
16 hr/wk, 18 wk/yr
Continue

Co-Captain and Setter, Average HS Girls’ Varsity Volleyball
Individually nominated for AVCA All-American Awards and won Average HS’s Spirit Award. Team placed 1st in division and advanced to state semifinals.
Community Service (Volunteer)
9, 10, 11, 12
Year
1 hr/wk, 26 wk/yr
Continue

Volunteer and Muralist, Beautiful Gardens Nonprofit
Create public art installations including murals and sculptures in community gardens. Designed rooftop herb garden installation for restaurant.
Community Service (Volunteer)
10
Break
6 hr/wk, 8 wk/yr
Continue

Volunteer, Major Urban Art Museum
Greet and direct visitors at information desk and coat check. Work shifts at gift shop and assist customers with check out and locating merchandise.
Art
9, 10, 11, 12
Year
1 hr/wk, 52 wk/yr
Continue

Painter and Photographer, @StudentName on Instagram and Etsy
Create art (paintings, portrait photography, nature photography) and exhibit on personal Instagram. Sell prints and stickers with $500+ in profits.
Art
10
Break
35 hr/wk, 3 wk/yr
Continue

Participant, State University’s Summer Environmental Art Institute
Studied intersections of art and environmental activism. Created multimedia portfolio of 5 works under guidance of professional artist First Last.
Work (Paid)
9, 10, 11, 12
Year
4 hr/wk, 45 wk/yr
Continue

Owner, Dog-Walking Business
Run dog-walking service with my siblings for neighbors in apartment complex.
Student Govt./Politics
11, 12
Year
1 hr/wk, 36 wk/yr
Continue

Class Representative, Average HS Student Government
Elected by peers as 1 of 4 class reps. Create and print posters to promote events, design and order class spiritwear, manage social media.

Agree.

Kids with successful apps generally evoke bouncy happy emotions.

Make sure your kid isn’t trying to be too deep. That’s not what they are looking for.

There was an older post on here recently about “narrative”.

Advice: make the application joyful. It should make the reader smile. It should make the reader think that the candidate is generally a joyous, and happy person.

Anonymous wrote:Re Activities and humor - Yes - humor helps the descriptions stand out.

Can you give an example of what humor would look like in an activities section?

Soundbite!

Google….

Anonymous wrote:Re Activities and humor - Yes - humor helps the descriptions stand out.

Any suggestions?

Everything must tie together.

Write a thesis for kid’s candidacy. Have a spouse or friend read the common app pdf - if the thesis is not clear and overly transparent, you have work to do.

Re Activities and humor - Yes - humor helps the descriptions stand out.

^ sorry typos

Values in main essay (not valley)

Additional Info (not Address)

Seriously question:

How do you use the limited space to tell your story/narrative?

Future career goals- aligns with major and at least a few of the activities

Main essay - showcases valley is and an activity or story, not seen anywhere else in the application

Activities/awards listing - emphasizes major, narrative, and passion for 1-2 areas (HOW?)

Supp essay - expand on origin story if it’s about my major or an extracurricular or similar to tie it to community or identity. Make sure ties back to major and or narrative.

Address Info - anything entered here should strongly reinforce narrative or major, otherwise it shouldn’t be here.

My question is how to do this in a way that doesn’t seem contrived?

Also, for the 10 activities should they be focused on impact with percentages or should it be more like a story in full sentences? Can there be humor in the activities or is that frowned upon? Examples of activities that are well done?