Anonymous wrote:We read When Dinosaurs Die.

A very good book to help children understand death.

Just want to thank you for this suggestion. I'm not OP, but my younger kid struggles with understanding the death of his grandfather around the time he was born, because he struggles with understanding the concept of his grandfather at all. Checking this out of the library (DC libraries have a bunch of copies!).

I’ve noticed it’s very hard for my kids to conceptualize there’s a time before they were born. Like even at 4 and 6 they still couldn’t seem to fully grasp this. Like when I showed them my wedding album they kept asking why they weren’t there and didn’t seem to understand the answers.

We read When Dinosaurs Die.

A very good book to help children understand death.

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever killed bugs in your home? Or a plant?

My FIL passed away before I met DH. We speak of him to DD (3) but that he died before she was born. She understands when bugs and plants die. I don't probe her understanding of FIL much more than that.

We put the bugs outside and don’t own plants because we’d kill them 😂 but good idea!

We also drove by a cemetery and DD asked what that was so I said it's where we bury people that died.

I just try to be as simple and honest as I can with DD. DH says vague things like, "he's not with us anymore" and I think that's much more confusing to a toddler.

Have you ever killed bugs in your home? Or a plant?

My FIL passed away before I met DH. We speak of him to DD (3) but that he died before she was born. She understands when bugs and plants die. I don't probe her understanding of FIL much more than that.

Not interested in a book about grief because he never knew this grandparent and isn’t grieving. I think he’s trying to understand what it means to be dead. Not looking for anything religious.

It depends what you want to explain, and could be “he was old, his heart stopped working and he died”, or you want to add religious aspect to it, “he went to heaven and is with god and watching over us and he’s with grandma and his parents there”, ….maybe you’d be better off with books that explain grief, rather than “death” and maybe this is what you’re looking for.

Death itself, maybe easiest to explain in your own words based on your family’s belief system. You will not find something purely scientific for this age group explaining death.

Oh

DH's brother died when our DD was 3 and I found the book "Something Very Sad Happened" (https://www.amazon.com/Something-Very-Sad-Happened-Understanding/dp/1433822660/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1W1VQFSZNWGHB&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.QB1tbcHuBS_d2tFw8pa65V8f8Se8jgrML95imAj1sbWeHFY40rlk6qKq5rvPIOcANg-x_6dG7XEe0EeFwd6fg2_ihzX-qKEPDZ2Yy93axIuopk4e8xcLtk5Rg1WDrlDQFfgId8d1OeFVXjghfyAnSx0Hd01jvKDuV24_rwDeNW3lvD6ga3veBR8JsGDRUtE5CUzPEii22uNOjDZ1GAipSD9EijZfQ93AxwKSyMB_-68.efgAubrFrdBtiVxfk91T2BILRuiuEAfuCGPX-6Rel1U&dib_tag=se&keywords=toddler+book+about+death&qid=1729047680&sprefix=toddler+book+about+death%2Caps%2C83&sr=8-3) very useful for that age range. There were so many books for kids 5 and up but I felt like it was a real gap - she was old enough to ask where her uncle is but not old enough to have a sit-down conversation about mortality. She didn't fully "get it" but who really fully understands death?

One of DC’s grandparents died before he was born. Their absence came up recently and I told him that that grandparent died, but I don’t really know how to explain it as this is the first time death has really come up. Since then, he’s brought it up multiple times and has said things like maybe [some person he hasn’t seen in a while] is dead, too. He’s clearly trying to process that his grandparent is dead and not around but isn’t quite sure how to. I’d like some books to help explain this and help me learn how to talk about it. I don’t want something too dark since he hasn’t yet experienced someone he’s attached to dying, more that he’s wondering about the absence of someone he thinks would be around and needs an explanation. He’s 3.