Anonymous wrote:Name the schools. Really doubt one has more of either—every school we’ve encountered has a solid mix of both. The key is finding enough of 3: Volunteers and is involved with school but not overly so. This group is still managing ECs for their kid and still angling for top colleges but they are at least less in your face about it and are more willing to allow their kid a slightly longer leash.

I'm on board with group 3: Laid back, but present; a part of the community, not dominating it; give the kids agency, but guide them to stay on track; believe in lessons learned from mistakes, so make sure they have enough responsibility to make mistakes, but are watchful enough to make sure they learn through consequences; high goals, but humble; see "competitive" as teaching kids to work hard toward their personal best, which is is elevated by strong competition, not knocking down the competition, and certainly not through inappropriate means; believe in teamwork, not hierarchy or anarchy.

Anonymous wrote:Pick the school that’s the best fit for your kid, not the parent group that’s the best fit for you.

These things are related.

Name the schools. Really doubt one has more of either—every school we’ve encountered has a solid mix of both. The key is finding enough of 3: Volunteers and is involved with school but not overly so. This group is still managing ECs for their kid and still angling for top colleges but they are at least less in your face about it and are more willing to allow their kid a slightly longer leash.

I’d pick the group that volunteers in the classroom without having to chase them.

Oh goodness. We have both, and it’s terrible. Imagine what happens when the checked out parents’ kid bullies the helicoptered kids. Or when teachers assign project groups and they’re a mix of kids from each type of family. Or when they’re putting together math groups- everyone complains but in two very different ways!

The best is that any kind of communications from the school are received with criticism. Either the parents will miss key dates and deadlines and throw a tantrum revolving around how it’s insane to expect parents to read emails and look at calendars, or the other parents will complain that the school is under communicating and will present the front office with an aggressive communications plan that they’ve had their junior consultants draw up and that requires texts, apps, emails, paper in backpacks and banners trailing from airplanes. And just wait for HS or college admissions.

Neither group will ever be happy and they’re all a pain to deal with and they have their own unique ways to create a toxic culture. But being surrounded by both makes me want to move to a mediocre suburb and just stop trying.

I would want to be around more invested parents and would have no issue tuning out those that were more invested than me, especially if in their and not my kids' lives.

But, I don't really think there's two schools out there with that big a group of one and not the other.

School 1 is St. Patrick’s or Potomac

School 2 is GDS

I am right?

Anonymous wrote:2. I don't want checked out uninvolved parents as those are the kids who are often into drugs, alcohol and other dangerous behaviors.

So by “2”, you mean “1”?

2. I don't want checked out uninvolved parents as those are the kids who are often into drugs, alcohol and other dangerous behaviors.

Pick the school that’s the best fit for your kid, not the parent group that’s the best fit for you.

I love the scrappy and invested 2, because I am part of that group and I think parents should be involved. It's the entire point of parenting. Why else be a parent? My friend group is made of nothing but highly involved parents.

I cannot relate to the detached parents. They wouldn't be my friends.

#2

Anonymous wrote:2 distinct parent profiles are over represented at certain schools we are looking at.

(1) Very wealthy couples, often with family money, who outsource everything and remain slightly detached from their kids. Have a lot of money so not hyperfocused on school, but definitely still want the kids to get into good colleges (which they will especially with their connections). Competitive about money and status.

(2) Scrappy, invested parents, who manage every aspect of kids lives and are very involved with parenting. Still rich but not generational wealth. Competitive about parenting and their kid’s success.


Which group would be more annoying to be around long term?

#2. Hands down.

Please tell us schools—you know this is anonymous right?

both. but moreso 2.

2 distinct parent profiles are over represented at certain schools we are looking at.

(1) Very wealthy couples, often with family money, who outsource everything and remain slightly detached from their kids. Have a lot of money so not hyperfocused on school, but definitely still want the kids to get into good colleges (which they will especially with their connections). Competitive about money and status.

(2) Scrappy, invested parents, who manage every aspect of kids lives and are very involved with parenting. Still rich but not generational wealth. Competitive about parenting and their kid’s success.


Which group would be more annoying to be around long term?