My kids both have ADHD and are very stubborn, not inclined to do something just because I think they should or it would look for a college resume. I had to learn early on that I could suggest things but pushing them to do things that they weren't really engaged by was not going to go well. Neither did a lot of things in ES -- light commitment rec sport (1 practice/1 game a week), girl/boy scouts, school band. Weekends were mainly for family and we prioritized them playing with friends.

Both are now in college.

DS's did rec soccer through MS because it was fun to do with his friends. In HS, occasionally worked on theater stage crew. No other school activities. Took guitar lessons and played occasionally at our church because a family friend asked him to help. Volunteered with the family once a month. Had summer jobs as soon as he was old enough to do so. After EF support and tutoring early in HS he turned in a great student. Was not applying to super selective schools, only really wanted Virginia Tech and got in there. Now a senior with a high GPA, a job waiting after graduation, works as a TA, has a good friend group, plays on a couple rec sports teams. Other than the rec teams, which were initiated by a friend, he's still not involved in campus clubs or organizations. He's just not a joiner.

DD was busier than DS in MS-HS but also very introverted and needs her downtime. Main activity was band + weekly private lessons on her instrument. Did one low-involvement school club because her friends started it. Summers she went to a nature-focused camp and then worked there as a counselor in HS. Struggled more in HS with her ADHD, finishing with a B+ avg. She wanted a small, quiet, rural school that was far from the loud super-competitive HS she went to. Goes to a mid-range LAC with a great environmental science program. Plays in the band and is active in a outdoors club, has a some good friends, still spends a lot of quiet down time on art and creative writing. Had a job in her field last summer with a college alumni connection.

They are both happy, well-adjusted, good workers and at good colleges for their personalities and life goals (and our budget). I did worry, living in a very competitive community, about them not doing as much as other kids but also just accepted them as they are. In being prepared for college the academic part really is most important and we prioritized tutoring/EF support for both of them. And, I think jobs for teens are really valuable in building confidence and feeling like you matter somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has three older kids. They were not intense about activities (kids did whatever gymnastics, dance, sports classes they wanted after school in elementary school, but my sister and her husband work so each kid did 1-2 things of their choice and they coordinated carpools or did activities on weekends.) as the kids entered middle and high school, they were on athletic teams and academic extracurriculars at their private school.

My oldest niece is a freshman at a top tier college (working hard pre-med), middle sibling is among top of their class in eleventh grade, and youngest is in middle school. They’re well adjusted, kind and hard working kids.

confused by this post. you describe heavily scheduled kids, but you are saying they weren't heavily scheduled? these are not examples of under scheduled children.

Well, is it about how underscheduled kids turn out when older? Because some of them turn out to like their activities enough to do them often. I'm the softball PP and saying that she was underscheduled when she was little, and now is medium-scheduled, but the point is that being underscheduled allowed her space to figure out her own interests, which she now pursues in a medium schedule.

I also think allowing adequate time for sleep and doing quality homework should not be considered "underscheduled".

The title is asking about high school and beyond. I'm the PP with 3 kids and I will note that I didn't really answer the "how are they faring" question because I don't know yet. My oldest is in 7th. Have no idea how much busier high school orchestra or a varsity sport might make her feel. Have no idea what 4 APs in a single school year might be like and how that might play against private lessons in her sport. That sort of thing.

Anonymous wrote:There are a ton of threads on here about how exhausted everyone is and how many activities their kids are doing.

If your kids are older and you were more of a relaxed/non-scheduled parent how are your kids doing? Are they happier? Doing better in school? Get into the colleges they want? What does less scheduled mean for you? No activities for your kids? Only activities they want to do?

Mine is in college and happy. He likes going to the gym and going out with friends. He got great merit aid and was just offered an on campus job for events service.

One of his roommates was an overscheduled kid (his words). His anxiety got worse in college because he had lots of free time and he didn’t know what to do with it.

A and B student doing well. Plays only rugby in high school. He is going to community college first.
Nobody is stressing or stressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has three older kids. They were not intense about activities (kids did whatever gymnastics, dance, sports classes they wanted after school in elementary school, but my sister and her husband work so each kid did 1-2 things of their choice and they coordinated carpools or did activities on weekends.) as the kids entered middle and high school, they were on athletic teams and academic extracurriculars at their private school.

My oldest niece is a freshman at a top tier college (working hard pre-med), middle sibling is among top of their class in eleventh grade, and youngest is in middle school. They’re well adjusted, kind and hard working kids.

confused by this post. you describe heavily scheduled kids, but you are saying they weren't heavily scheduled? these are not examples of under scheduled children.

Well, is it about how underscheduled kids turn out when older? Because some of them turn out to like their activities enough to do them often. I'm the softball PP and saying that she was underscheduled when she was little, and now is medium-scheduled, but the point is that being underscheduled allowed her space to figure out her own interests, which she now pursues in a medium schedule.

I also think allowing adequate time for sleep and doing quality homework should not be considered "underscheduled".

We're "less scheduled" than others we know, simply because we can't handle more, from a stress and executive function perspective. High school was very stressful for my oldest, who has learning disabilities and needed accommodations in school. He did nothing else apart from schoolwork and it was still very difficult for him.

My youngest has a medical issue that is exacerbated by fatigue and stress, and we are deliberately trying to give her balanced school experience, even though she's very competitive and does well. She has a couple of extra-curriculars, one of which is rigorous. That's all she can reasonably handle.

Anonymous wrote:My sister has three older kids. They were not intense about activities (kids did whatever gymnastics, dance, sports classes they wanted after school in elementary school, but my sister and her husband work so each kid did 1-2 things of their choice and they coordinated carpools or did activities on weekends.) as the kids entered middle and high school, they were on athletic teams and academic extracurriculars at their private school.

My oldest niece is a freshman at a top tier college (working hard pre-med), middle sibling is among top of their class in eleventh grade, and youngest is in middle school. They’re well adjusted, kind and hard working kids.

confused by this post. you describe heavily scheduled kids, but you are saying they weren't heavily scheduled? these are not examples of under scheduled children.

Anonymous wrote:My sister has three older kids. They were not intense about activities (kids did whatever gymnastics, dance, sports classes they wanted after school in elementary school, but my sister and her husband work so each kid did 1-2 things of their choice and they coordinated carpools or did activities on weekends.) as the kids entered middle and high school, they were on athletic teams and academic extracurriculars at their private school.

My oldest niece is a freshman at a top tier college (working hard pre-med), middle sibling is among top of their class in eleventh grade, and youngest is in middle school. They’re well adjusted, kind and hard working kids.

I wouldn't consider this less scheduled

My kid wasn’t scheduled when they were little. They did rec sports 1 or 2x a week. Nothing else. Lots of playing with sibling and had friends. Now a junior in high school. Very busy! School work takes up most of their time, plus they have a job, extracurriculars and want to see friends, but it’s hard to manage it all.

What does overscheduled mean to you. What is a more relaxed schedule.

We've always taken schedule and stress into account with kids activities and made choices that are easier for us and the kids -- activities closer to our house and with lower time commitments. But our kids have always been active.

I have a high school freshman who does ballet and swimming and I don't think she's ever been overscheduled. We weren't aiming for professional dancer or Olympic swimmer with either of them -- she just enjoyed them so we supported that by signing her up for classes and summer swim. For a long time she did ballet once a week and swimming once a week and that really only stepped up in late elementary and even then we kept it lower key by keeping her in a small ballet studio convenient to our house with less of a performance focus (just one recital a year) and she did stroke and turn instead of club swim.

Anyway now she dances "en pointe" and is at a pre-professional program where she does the Nutcracker and a spring showcase every year and she gets good roles. She is considering a dance minor in college. She's swimming on her high school team and is not going to break any records but she can hang in. There will be no athletic scholarships but again that was never our plan anyway.

She's a straight A student and loves school and has friends. She wants to go into science and plans to pursue a PhD. She's a happy and well-adjusted kid and while college admissions are intimidating I can see her being happy at a wide variety of schools so we plan to just keep an open mind and be practical when it comes time for that.

But I don't know -- some people might say she was overscheduled. We never did any travel or club sports and we did very minimal academic enrichment (some at-home math enrichment via AoPs and she did a "writing camp" every summer that I think helped a lot with her writing). It felt manageable to us.

I know a kid who had no formal EC's and goes to NYU.

Anonymous wrote:My sister has three older kids. They were not intense about activities (kids did whatever gymnastics, dance, sports classes they wanted after school in elementary school, but my sister and her husband work so each kid did 1-2 things of their choice and they coordinated carpools or did activities on weekends.) as the kids entered middle and high school, they were on athletic teams and academic extracurriculars at their private school.

My oldest niece is a freshman at a top tier college (working hard pre-med), middle sibling is among top of their class in eleventh grade, and youngest is in middle school. They’re well adjusted, kind and hard working kids.

I have 3 kids. My kids are limited to 2 activities at a time (one sport, one non-sport). While I wouldn't say we're intense, I wouldn't say we are "less scheduled." 3 kids in 2 activities each leaves us with only 1 weeknight where we're not doing something and had it not been for all the rain this past weekend we would have had 8 sports games scheduled over the course of 3 days.

My sister has three older kids. They were not intense about activities (kids did whatever gymnastics, dance, sports classes they wanted after school in elementary school, but my sister and her husband work so each kid did 1-2 things of their choice and they coordinated carpools or did activities on weekends.) as the kids entered middle and high school, they were on athletic teams and academic extracurriculars at their private school.

My oldest niece is a freshman at a top tier college (working hard pre-med), middle sibling is among top of their class in eleventh grade, and youngest is in middle school. They’re well adjusted, kind and hard working kids.

My kid is in 6th, and I think it's going great. She's an introvert who needs down time, and I am too. Some kids are fine with a busy calendar but that's just not how mine is.

Having free time has meant exploring interests in a low-stakes way and she has chosen a few things to pursue more seriously. It's softball, track, and creative writing at the moment. If I had overscheduled her I think it would have backfired-- far better that she feels like it's her choice.

She also has time to do a good job on her homework and at school because she isn't frazzles and tired all the time.

There are a ton of threads on here about how exhausted everyone is and how many activities their kids are doing.

If your kids are older and you were more of a relaxed/non-scheduled parent how are your kids doing? Are they happier? Doing better in school? Get into the colleges they want? What does less scheduled mean for you? No activities for your kids? Only activities they want to do?