My son did this in 2nd. You’re not going to like this answer, but we took away electronics. All of them except what he got at school.

A week later he was a different kid.

We introduced weekend screens a few months later.

He’s older now and can regulate.

A lot of parents refuse to take away the screens and will go to more extreme measures (therapy, meds) without trying this, which is cheaper and easier in some ways, but harder in others.

It is 100% worth a try, but it has to be cold turkey or the kid will pester you and you have to have a hard and fast no.

Good luck

I would look at the structure and positive attention you’re providing at home and see if those need adjustment. Kids, especially boys that age, do best with a lot of structure and routine. I would also put to bed earlier. He sounds tired.

My DS went through this at age 9-10 in 3rd grade but also had issues at school. He did therapy with a male therapist which made a big difference. We focused heavily on sleep routine, strict screen limits, not allowing hangry meltdowns, and lots of routine, structure, and physical activity.

Most importantly, he needed to learn how to deal with frustration and managing emotions. We stressed that he had to be allowed to experience his emotions, particularly negative ones, but had to learn new ways to deal with them. He needed to be validated when he experienced anger, sadness, frustration, annoyance, or boredom. Too often parents want to stop the emotion (bc it makes them uncomfortable) rather than teaching and modeling how to deal with that emotion. For example, if they never experience boredom, they don’t know how to deal with it. I had a rule that no screens were allowed on car rides. They were forced to experience boredom which believe me, was previously a huge trigger of crazy behavior. Now he is fine with it.

My kid also finally understands how important exercise and physical activity is to managing tough emotions. We allowed him to walk home from school everyday in 4th and 5th grade. We got a backyard trampoline and he would jump on it daily to decompress. He would bounce a ball in the basement when he was mad about something a kid did at school. We did family bike rides. In the summer, he did all day outdoor camps. He was so tired at night that going to bed finally became easy. He now does 2 sports and it’s been life changing.

He is in 6th grade and back to being a kind, considerate, and well behaved kid. He even recognizes the difference.

I would hand him a high-protein snack as soon as you pick him up or he gets home. I’d definitely separate the siblings after school. You might try headphones with music with his snack and some books or comic books or graphic novels. I’ve known some kids who did well with being sent to swing for fifteen minutes right after school, if you have a background swing. A trampoline would be the same. Repetitive calming movement. I’d also have a very predictable routine after school, down to the menu for dinner. He doesn’t have the bandwidth to cope with any surprises then. You might ask if he wants a solid hug or if he wants alone time or if he wants you to just sit next to him quietly. Sit down with him and ask him what would help him and why he thinks he is different at school and at home and how you can help. It is possible that the sibling really does drive him crazy and there’s more there than you know about. Schools are very predictable and some kids need that.

My kid is 11 (waiting on a formal diagnosis, but I see all the signs of inattentive adhd, including emotional reactivity).

One of the things that I'm finding shockingly helpful is a suggestion I got here on DCUM. I left a notebook under his pillow and wrote him a note that if there were things he wanted to talk about, he could write them there if that was easier than talking face-to-face. He LOVES it, and we probably trade notes once a week. I'm really grateful someone gave me the idea.

My son is only 5, but he is experiencing this in a bad way in K. He is just so, so angry all the time, which is new. Also behaves perfectly at school. He has CP and K has been very challenging for him. He has started going to the counselor every week 1:1 and also does a small group with the counselor less frequently. They implemented a sticker program together for getting ready in the morning. They made a laminated schedule where he can close a box after he completes each of his "jobs" (getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc.), then get a sticker if he gets through it all without angry outbursts. When he has a sticker at school, everyone heaps on the praise for him.

His speech therapist also made him some social stories for coming home from school and being anxious about his schoolwork. I'm not sure if this would be too young for him, but as far as I know, you can use social stories with all ages of kids even if they do not have a dx. I think the school counselor would have done that for us if he didn't go to speech anyway.

As to the OT rec: OT could be helpful if there is a sensory component. (We say private OT and he is supposed to get in school OT but she is not starting for another week) They could also help with making visual schedules, but I don't think you'd need to go to OT just for those things.

My oldest and I did PCIT therapy together when she was in pre-K (that is play therapy where you play with your child and you are coached/trained through a headset). it is more for general emotional regulation. I understand 7 is the max age for that, but it was extremely effective for us. She did not have any dx at the time but now at 12 has recently received an inattentive ADHD dx.

Talk therapy is not effective in elementary school.

I'm sure you have looked at food, sleep, exercise, as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were in a similar situation, and therapy for DC was not particularly helpful at that age. We got by with a mix of strategies from various books (The Explosive Child was one) plus identifying triggers. Bathroom and a snack, plus lots of outside time and staying away from siblings between school and dinner were the most effective things.

Any other books you particularly liked? And yes - sibling (who is very very loud) seems to be the #1 trigger

I think I also borrowed some strategies from the Russell Barkley ADHD book and Unstuck and on Target (intended for kids with ASD but helpful for my black and white thinker.)

We’re still there with a 9 yo. Will be working on the anger management workbook today. OT was a bust for us. Other talk therapy not particularly effective. No diagnosis as well from a neuropsych. Does wonderfully out of the home. For us, it’s no video games, time away from sibling after school, and not escalating things. Last night there was a meltdown about not wanting the dinner. He may have been hangry after his sport. It didn’t escalate but was a bit prolonged and certainly put a damper on the night. Punishment is not the answer but still trying to figure him out.

Anonymous wrote:We went through this with our 1st grader and the two things that helped were:

1) Addressing fundamentals like sleep and hunger. Our kid had a voracious appetite at that age. Could seriously have eaten every hour on the hour. Was at the same time a picky eater. It was hard but we figured it out and it helped a lot. We also wound up adjusting our morning so she could sleep in about 30 minutes later because trying to move up bedtime was a daily crisis. Daily exercise is also a must.

2) Building in time and ways for her to tell us about her troubles. We play "rose-thorn-bud" when we pick her up from school and we also built in about 20 minutes at bedtime where one of us hangs out with her in her room and we just listen or ask very open ended questions like "how are you feeling about soccer these days?" or "tell me what is the hardest thing about being a 7 year old?" We validate and listen and don't judge or tell her how to feel. We learn a lot.

Oh we also got her a journal and encourage her to write in there if she is having strong feelings.

The takeaway for me was that there was nothing specifically "wrong" but just that as she got older and dealt with slightly more stress and complexity in her life she needed more and better support for talking through it and expressing herself. Also just realizing we don't actually have to DO anythign most of the time. She will complain to us about something being unfair or some issue with a friend or just disliking something at school and we can just listen and be a sounding board but she's at an age where this isn't about running to fix whatever it is. She literally just needs someone to talk to.

This poster is spot on, and what worked for us too.

In my DS it was electronics. He used to decompress after school with 30 minutes of youtube and play an hour of minecraft on the weekend. We took all that away cold turkey and after 2-3 days of intense tantrums and meltdowns, he became a different child at home. Way more capable of handling set backs, better able to problem solve and self regulate. It was wild how much a "little" screen time was rotting his brain.

Anonymous wrote:We were in a similar situation, and therapy for DC was not particularly helpful at that age. We got by with a mix of strategies from various books (The Explosive Child was one) plus identifying triggers. Bathroom and a snack, plus lots of outside time and staying away from siblings between school and dinner were the most effective things.

Any other books you particularly liked? And yes - sibling (who is very very loud) seems to be the #1 trigger

We were in a similar situation, and therapy for DC was not particularly helpful at that age. We got by with a mix of strategies from various books (The Explosive Child was one) plus identifying triggers. Bathroom and a snack, plus lots of outside time and staying away from siblings between school and dinner were the most effective things.

We went through this with our 1st grader and the two things that helped were:

1) Addressing fundamentals like sleep and hunger. Our kid had a voracious appetite at that age. Could seriously have eaten every hour on the hour. Was at the same time a picky eater. It was hard but we figured it out and it helped a lot. We also wound up adjusting our morning so she could sleep in about 30 minutes later because trying to move up bedtime was a daily crisis. Daily exercise is also a must.

2) Building in time and ways for her to tell us about her troubles. We play "rose-thorn-bud" when we pick her up from school and we also built in about 20 minutes at bedtime where one of us hangs out with her in her room and we just listen or ask very open ended questions like "how are you feeling about soccer these days?" or "tell me what is the hardest thing about being a 7 year old?" We validate and listen and don't judge or tell her how to feel. We learn a lot.

Oh we also got her a journal and encourage her to write in there if she is having strong feelings.

The takeaway for me was that there was nothing specifically "wrong" but just that as she got older and dealt with slightly more stress and complexity in her life she needed more and better support for talking through it and expressing herself. Also just realizing we don't actually have to DO anythign most of the time. She will complain to us about something being unfair or some issue with a friend or just disliking something at school and we can just listen and be a sounding board but she's at an age where this isn't about running to fix whatever it is. She literally just needs someone to talk to.

How much is he sleeping at night?

Do you have any books about anger? Start there. I like the Train your dragon books. Therapy is expensive and mostly out of pocket. My daughter is in therapy (arbit in bethesda) and I do see a difference in her behavior after only a few weeks, but it's over $200 a session so I can't do it for long.

DS7 is an absolute delight at school (according to teachers) and then lashes out and spirals in anger at home. He has had an eval - there is no Dx. I think its the after school crash, but an extreme version - he is very ON at school. Pediatrician suggested some type of therapy to help him better manage his anger - she said she's seen OT and play therapy be used.

Has anyone had experience with either and did they help? I have a hard time envisioning how OT will help when he's not upset (he'd love the attention of an OT and thrive doing their activities and things....he saves all his rage for me / his brothers)