Anonymous wrote:The “virtual therapy” sounds like a waste of time/money.

Agree. Find a new therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

She’s too young for that kind of therapy to work.

OP - so what am I supposed to do? Why wouldn't therapy work? Just asking - I didn't realize there was an age where therapy would work or not work. Thanks!

Because most therapists are crap and happily take all your money forever, and this is particularly rampant for kids. Evidence based therapy is amazing though - you need to read up and educate yourself and find an actual expert.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

While there may be other issues (and I would recommend going forward with a meeting with a psychologist for an evaluation), what you are describing sounds like anxiety.

When someone has severe anxiety and reaches a crunch point, rationality goes out the window and they may be unable to access appropriate techniques - especially when they are young. This will get better as she gets older and matures (although it may/will get worse during puberty). For now, firm guidelines and allowing her to experience misses (going to school with messy hair or missing breakfast) will get her where she needs to go (both physically and metaphorically - experiencing consequences and realizing that it isn't dire is how people, including anxious people, learn resilience).

OP - yes I definitely think she has anxiety. My husband does as well. I just am not sure if therapy is flushing money down the toilet or if we should keep doing it. I would like her to try medication but DH is against and I am not really even sure what kind of medication would help a 9 year old. Should we do more intensive therapy? In patient? More times a week?

No OP - do not continue on a path that isn’t working or go straight to heavy duty medication. There is specific therapy for child anxiety that focuses on parental reactions called SPACE. Start there. There may be more going on than anxiety but you need to start with evidence based therapies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

She’s too young for that kind of therapy to work.

OP - so what am I supposed to do? Why wouldn't therapy work? Just asking - I didn't realize there was an age where therapy would work or not work. Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

She’s too young for that kind of therapy to work.

The “virtual therapy” sounds like a waste of time/money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

While there may be other issues (and I would recommend going forward with a meeting with a psychologist for an evaluation), what you are describing sounds like anxiety.

When someone has severe anxiety and reaches a crunch point, rationality goes out the window and they may be unable to access appropriate techniques - especially when they are young. This will get better as she gets older and matures (although it may/will get worse during puberty). For now, firm guidelines and allowing her to experience misses (going to school with messy hair or missing breakfast) will get her where she needs to go (both physically and metaphorically - experiencing consequences and realizing that it isn't dire is how people, including anxious people, learn resilience).

OP - yes I definitely think she has anxiety. My husband does as well. I just am not sure if therapy is flushing money down the toilet or if we should keep doing it. I would like her to try medication but DH is against and I am not really even sure what kind of medication would help a 9 year old. Should we do more intensive therapy? In patient? More times a week?

Anonymous wrote:OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

While there may be other issues (and I would recommend going forward with a meeting with a psychologist for an evaluation), what you are describing sounds like anxiety.

When someone has severe anxiety and reaches a crunch point, rationality goes out the window and they may be unable to access appropriate techniques - especially when they are young. This will get better as she gets older and matures (although it may/will get worse during puberty). For now, firm guidelines and allowing her to experience misses (going to school with messy hair or missing breakfast) will get her where she needs to go (both physically and metaphorically - experiencing consequences and realizing that it isn't dire is how people, including anxious people, learn resilience).

OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught. When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it. It makes me hate being a parent.

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut and get the neuropsych. Pediatricians and therapists are not trained to diagnose. You know what you see.

Yes they are trained to diagnose. But a neuropsych takes 6months/year and provides zero therapy. Save the time and money and go straight to therapy.

I would get some kind of parenting therapy/behavioral therapy. You’re on the right track trying to ignore the behavior but it seems like you could use some more advice on structure and discipline. I wouldn’t worry about trying to get a diagnosis for now because you’re going to want to try behavioral therapy first - this isn’t the kind of kid that needs meds as a first line treatment. And also a diagnosis is not therapy and you don’t need one to get behavioral supports. (Our behavioral psychologist specifically said diagnosis did not make a difference - if the treatment she offered failed then we could try something more targeted.) Behavioral psychologists will be very familiar with the kind of behavior you are describing.

Trust your gut and get the neuropsych. Pediatricians and therapists are not trained to diagnose. You know what you see.

I say this recognizing that it’s WAY easier said than done.

Ignore the meltdown, do NOT solve or mitigate any problems, do NOT help with hair (she is 9), let natural consequences happen.

At 7:30, you are pulling out of the driveway. If she hasn’t eaten, she’ll be hungry till lunch, and she’ll live. If her hair looks awful, shrug. If she’s a crying snotty mess, you can hand her some tissues in the car. She needs to see that SHE can handle crappy days without any help, and that, over time, will mitigate her anxiety. Every time you step in and help fix her hair for an extra 10 mins or try to soothe her feelings, you’re teaching her that she can’t do those things herself.

I feel for you. Sounds like awful, awful mornings. Can you squeeze in 10 minutes to yourself after drop off before you start work for a little self care? Read a book, read the news, lay on the couch, drink coffee slowly? Give yourself a little break.

Sorry about this. My kids don’t have special needs so I may not know what I am talking about, but this is not normal behavior to me and I would be very alarmed by it. What do you mean that she hits her head? Like against the wall?

What do you all do when she behaves like this? Is she very dramatic?

DD is 9 and has been in virtual therapy every other week for the past 3 years. She has anxiety and is prone to outbursts when things are not going her way. I have repeatedly asked her pediatrician and therapist if they think she has signs of ADHD, autism, any other neurocognitive disabilities and they all say no. I would like to get a neuropsych evaluations but my DH doesn't think she needs it because her pediatrician and therapist have not recommended it.

Example of her outbursts - she is very slow in the mornings. We need to leave at 7:30am for school. I woke her up at 6:45am this morning and she went into the shower. She didn't get out of the shower until 7:10am and the needed to change and eat. Usually this is fine but this morning her hair "wasn't perfect" and she kept trying to get it smoothed out and getting more and more upset. It culminated with her downstairs yelling that I couldn't get her hair perfect, screaming on the floor, hitting her head and saying she was stupid and an idiot.

I try my hardest not to react but of course I am human as well. I have 2 other kids I need to get up and out the door and I didn't want them to be late for school. I always feel like I am trying to mitigate any possible obstacles in her life so she doesn't have huge emotional breakdowns, which I know isn't the best course of action. I am at a loss as to what to do. She is very well behaved at school, never has this type of reaction, her teachers all tell me she is polite, helpful and does her work. Her test scores are high and her grades are always very good. She is exhausting and makes if difficult for me to parent. I did not want to start my Monday this way and has made the beginning of the week miserable for everyone in the house.