Anonymous wrote:Since my divorce, my son has been difficult to deal with because his father says very negative things about me, such as I am controlling, a narcissist etc. My 14year old son often says things like woman don't know how to raise men etc. We go to therapy together to try to work on our relationship but I don't think it is very effective. His father's constant brainwashing is the only thing he hears or listens too. Has anyone been through this? Does it ever get better?

Let him live with his dad and it won't be long until he's begging to live with you again.

Anonymous wrote:Boys have to spend the vast majority of their time with their dad or a strong male role model if you want them to mature and be healthy adults.
It is what it is. Consider more shared custody or allowing him to live with his father as his primary.

Nope. I’ve raised two boys alone and they are both healthy adults.

OP- I know it’s hard to hear that poison come from your child. My sons went through contrary phases when they were teens where they tried saying things like that around me. I always shut it down if it was a personal attack on me. You can shut it down and not engage in that discussion. Just letting your child know that you won’t take his attacks will teach him that his mom isn’t a submissive person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys prefer their mother to their father from birth to around 8-10 years old, then they prefer their father over the mother. It's Nature.

Hum, no. I have teen kids (boy, girl), and my friends have teen boys and girls, and this is not the case for any of us. Can you not generalize? It makes you look stupid.

Personal attacks? That makes you look "mature"? I can only imagine.

Boys prefer their mother to their father from birth to around 8-10 years old, then they prefer their father over the mother. It's Nature.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to read the experiences of others. All the teen boys I know are closer to their mothers.

Really? Many of my friends have sons and they’re all much closer to their dads.

How much time does he spend with his dad? I would say it’s or pretty normal and natural as boys go through puberty to want male role modeling and to start to think about their identity as men.

Interesting to read the experiences of others. All the teen boys I know are closer to their mothers.

Sounds like he is telling you that he wants to spend more time with his dad. He will end up resenting you forever if you don't let him.

Please don't believe this is universal.

My son, now in college, and my daughter in high school, have always trusted and respected me more than their father. Why? Because their father is a stubborn piece of work, who verbally (and sometimes physically) attacks us when he gets angry. My kids hardly talk to their father, and when they does, they walks on eggshells to not trigger an angry fit.

There is no question of my son spending more time with his father than the minimum he absolutely has to in order to get his college money. Sadly that means there are no steady and positive male influences in his life, since our families live abroad. But it's better to have no influences rather than bad ones.

When both parents are decent ones (to their kids, at any rate), it's OK if one is temporarily the favorite. But your teen needs to have a modicum of respect for you, because you love and care for him too and you are a human worthy of respect. You will not tolerate misogyny in your house. Please explain that, firmly and repeatedly if necessary.

Boys have to spend the vast majority of their time with their dad or a strong male role model if you want them to mature and be healthy adults.
It is what it is. Consider more shared custody or allowing him to live with his father as his primary.

I agree with PP. I’m not divorced either but my son, almost 15, favors my husband. He listens/follows to my husband to the tee, whether it’s positive or negative.

Then if I’m correct him, he always says “well dad said……”

I try to make up for that my doing solo outings with him as much as I can like walking the dogs together or watching a movie together or going out to lunch over the weekend.

I think it’s just my way of saying “I’m here, you can come to me too”. And, most importantly, not take it too personally, which can be hard.

I am not divorced and I have two teen sons 15 and 14. They are rebelling against me and they listen to their father. I do think it is natural for them at this age to give Moms a hard time. I am so sorry that with divorce it is so much harder for you. Maybe if you could get a professional to explain to their father that he needs to model respect for their Mom because that is their role model. It hurts his sons in the long run if he does not do that.

No, I never do it. But if I say anything about his dad he takes it as a negative. Such as, what time is your dad coming to get you. And he gets defensive and says I am talking badly about his dad.

It’s awful when one parent bashes the other. Glad you’re out of that marriage.
Have you discussed this with your son? He’s old enough. That it’s a character flaw for someone to make up bad things about another person and brainwash a vulnerable child? Do you do the same? If so, stop it. Set a good example. But you’re son will see what you do and how you treat him and others and as long as that’s kind and respectful, you’re good.

Since my divorce, my son has been difficult to deal with because his father says very negative things about me, such as I am controlling, a narcissist etc. My 14year old son often says things like woman don't know how to raise men etc. We go to therapy together to try to work on our relationship but I don't think it is very effective. His father's constant brainwashing is the only thing he hears or listens too. Has anyone been through this? Does it ever get better?