One of my kids has had a math tutor since 5th grade but we will likely phase out after 7th grade because he has been doing really well. (Fingers crossed.) My other kiddo hasn't needed or wanted tutoring so we don't force it, although if I'm being honest I really want to make him supplement. But he's well-rounded, reads a lot, and gets good grades ao I leave it alone.

I’m 13:27. We live in MoCo and, in my experience, immigrants and families of color are more open about supplementing or not thinking school is enough for academics. For example, my son is the only white kid at his KUMON center at his particular time.

I thought the stereotype was that "old money" people had to make their academic achievement appear effortless and that "trying to hard" was declasse.

We started KUMON for math at 4. We do workbooks for reading/writing. So once a week class at KUMON and then 10-30 minutes of daily homework depending on the activity. Kid is in 1st grade now and younger siblings starting soon at our center.

I am very open about supplementing (but try to do it in a way that is casual, not to make other parents worry or feel bad). I am a public school teacher and I don’t think our public schools do a good job of emphasizing memorization, knowledge, etc. This is something I believed before my own children.

My ES kids are doing fine in a very good school system so we don’t supplement. Both of them are very good readers and read every night before bed for about 30 minutes which I think is very good for them.

We pay for expensive week or two week long summer camps for teens at colleges (at our kid's request).

We will probably pay for a PSAT or an SAT class but let's see how the 10th grade PSAT goes first.

We don't pay for Kahn Academy but our kid uses it sometimes.

I think that's it. No tutoring yet.

If kids are ranked, even informally, nobody wants to share resources. And if rankings are real and affect outcomes further down the line, then people are much more hush hush about it.

Also, there is the phenomenon where a school gets a reputation for being "good" because of high test scores, but it is all because of the work that parents do on the side. The academics in the classroom are weak, which surprises newcomers to the school who are unaware of the secret supplementing.

Families who do this don't want their kids to be friends with bad influences who don't do this.

None for us, and with the exception of a couple families whose kids do heritage language school, I don’t know anyone who does.

So either we’re an underachieving bunch, or people keep it on the DL.

Some parents want their kids to seem naturally brilliant. Others want to hoard their tutors.

My kids have music lessons. I can help with math, but I do have them use Khan academy to use simultaneously with some of their classes. I feel free to share. Working so far but it's just 9th. Haven't seen how bad it gets maybe in junior year. Not averse to tutors.

I help my oldest with math as necessary. Other than that, none. They are good students and always score very high on their standardized tests.

What age? My elementary schooler does workbooks and lessons, but I certainly don’t volunteer that information except to family.

I did with my son in high school because he had a learning disability. My other two don’t need any extra help. Where would you fit it in?

I've always wondered about this. I pay a lot of tutors for my children in a supposedly great school system. Most of the parents I know also pay for tutors. They don't outright say it. I wish I had known when my oldest was younger that supplementing was normal.

...and if the amount is greater than zero, do you keep this fact a secret? This could include music lessons and language classes.

At my children's schools there was definitely a culture of not wanting other people to know how much supplementing, acceleration, and enrichment we were all doing on the side. A close friend who lives in the Midwest says people are very open about it there.

Do you think people are more secretive about it at good schools or middling schools?