Anonymous wrote:No. It's always been this way but people went along with things and used denial. There was significant shame around mental illness and addiction so people hid it or lied about it. There was also no language to talk about some behaviors we know more about today (i.e., PTSD) and people "kept it in the family."

People were also ashamed to get divorced so they stayed in marriages they should not have or made up stories. In my family there were great aunts who remarried after they left their husbands or their husbands left them and they moved to different states. They claimed to be widows. My grandmother never uttered a peep about that. I only know from doing genealogy. These husbands were still alive and there were no divorces. I think in many ways society was more sick in the past.

+1 yes
Our language has changed so we tell the story differently and more openly but these issues have always been present. I think it is getting better but like most wounds it often gets messier before it gets better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's simply that manipulative and selfish people live longer and the behavior becomes unmistakable. When we're young, we still put our parents on a pedestal. It's not uncommon for adult kids to be quite old (50-60, just read Amazon reviews on immature parents and other similar books) to finally realize their parents have issues.

I’ve wondered about that and if it’s true they live longer. I don’t know that there’s any proof of that being true but, if so, maybe it’s because they DGAF and so have less stress.

OP

+1. That (DGAF selfish) plus Ignorance is Bliss!

Anonymous wrote:Here and elsewhere, I see numerous complaints about manipulative elders and elders with narcissistic qualities.

Is there a percentage of any population that has these traits?

I’d like to think these types of issues are decreasing as we talk more openly about mental health and what constitutes a healthy relationship.

My parents and grandparents were honest and authentic about the crap that went on in their families. They were strong and survived. Even overcame overwhelmed mothers with seven kids, manipulative mentally disordered sibling, dad who died of cancer at age 42, a brother who stole from the house during the funeral luncheon, etc.

So it’s been around Op. for a long time.

Mental illnesses are increasing not decreasing.

There are people who are full blown narcissists and have been this way for most of their lives and there are selfish, self centered people who feel entitled to behave as they please without consequences. It is 100% fine to disengage with either type. Adult relationships are a two way street, if you are unpleasant, demanding, self centered or constantly critical don’t blame social media for why your adult children are not putting up with you. It’s not them, it’s you.

Anonymous wrote:I think part of it is the more we talk about mental health issues, the more everyone wants to diagnose their relatives. Calling everyone a narcissist seems like more of a cultural trend than a health phenomenon.

100% this. Talking about and destigmatizing mental health issues and treatment are good things. Unfortunately we are off the rails with TikTok diagnoses and plans. Look around this board. The proportion of Narcissists in the population is small, not more than 5%. But every other thread is about a narc who must be cut off. Are these the same people taking ivermectin for COVID? It’s disturbing how quickly people jump to conclusions and take drastic actions based on unqualified advice.

It’s interesting that these TiKTok and other SM people never make less drastic recommendations, like family therapy, strengthening boundaries, it’s always just telling people to estrange themselves from parents, grandparents or siblings.

We are more open and we have better access to resources than older generations, but it’s still difficult to find and pay for quality treatment for most people. Maybe that opens the door for modern snake oil sellers.

No. It's always been this way but people went along with things and used denial. There was significant shame around mental illness and addiction so people hid it or lied about it. There was also no language to talk about some behaviors we know more about today (i.e., PTSD) and people "kept it in the family."

People were also ashamed to get divorced so they stayed in marriages they should not have or made up stories. In my family there were great aunts who remarried after they left their husbands or their husbands left them and they moved to different states. They claimed to be widows. My grandmother never uttered a peep about that. I only know from doing genealogy. These husbands were still alive and there were no divorces. I think in many ways society was more sick in the past.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's simply that manipulative and selfish people live longer and the behavior becomes unmistakable. When we're young, we still put our parents on a pedestal. It's not uncommon for adult kids to be quite old (50-60, just read Amazon reviews on immature parents and other similar books) to finally realize their parents have issues.

I’ve wondered about that and if it’s true they live longer. I don’t know that there’s any proof of that being true but, if so, maybe it’s because they DGAF and so have less stress.



OP

Anonymous wrote:I think part of it is the more we talk about mental health issues, the more everyone wants to diagnose their relatives. Calling everyone a narcissist seems like more of a cultural trend than a health phenomenon.

That seems plausible.

Anonymous wrote:Here and elsewhere, I see numerous complaints about manipulative elders and elders with narcissistic qualities.

Is there a percentage of any population that has these traits?

I’d like to think these types of issues are decreasing as we talk more openly about mental health and what constitutes a healthy relationship.

Anecdotally, the narcissists I know in real life are all younger.

I think childhood lead exposure is a significant impact as well.

I think it's simply that manipulative and selfish people live longer and the behavior becomes unmistakable. When we're young, we still put our parents on a pedestal. It's not uncommon for adult kids to be quite old (50-60, just read Amazon reviews on immature parents and other similar books) to finally realize their parents have issues.

I think people, of every generation, have always just been people. More or less the same as the people before them.

The intergenerational comparison/fight that society seems to want to push is really alien to me. It's astrology for boring people.

I think part of it is the more we talk about mental health issues, the more everyone wants to diagnose their relatives. Calling everyone a narcissist seems like more of a cultural trend than a health phenomenon.

Here and elsewhere, I see numerous complaints about manipulative elders and elders with narcissistic qualities.

Is there a percentage of any population that has these traits?

I’d like to think these types of issues are decreasing as we talk more openly about mental health and what constitutes a healthy relationship.