I don’t get this—have you guys never discussed her future plans before today? Has she made an abrupt change?

I think a lot of it is fear of the unknown. I'm sensitive to that, but at the same time, she's seen her two older brothers leave, so it's not some huge mystery. And she doesn't have anxiety in other parts of her life. We had a lot talk to try to figure out if it's just the school ramping up college talk that's got her in such a mood, but she swears it isn't. I know this will make me sound like a prima donna, but I swear I'm not (I went to Illinois State, for crying out loud!), it's just that I don't know how to handle what's an untrod road for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trade school, military, or job that can support herself. No, I would not support financially absent some underlying issue/condition that would make her unsuccessful at any of those 3 other options. And I’d give through the summer since if she was headed to college I would support her through the summer. She’d likely have to live in a large group home likely with shared bedrooms, but that’s life.

Like...a dorm?

In a way more forever way than a dorm unless the OP left out details like the child being a successful app developer or having an idea for a start up that might be successful.

I would have a conversation with her about what her plans are and go from there.

What does she want to do as a career and how does she intend to get there?

I think you could say that by September it would be your expectation that she would move out and she will no longer be able to use your home as her permanent home. You could offer to help her plan a budget and even give her money for a security deposit. You two should also start to brainstorm jobs that she could get without a college degree.

Anonymous wrote:Trade school, military, or job that can support herself. No, I would not support financially absent some underlying issue/condition that would make her unsuccessful at any of those 3 other options. And I’d give through the summer since if she was headed to college I would support her through the summer. She’d likely have to live in a large group home likely with shared bedrooms, but that’s life.

Like...a dorm?

I would start by having an honest conversation with your kid. What are their concerns about college? What does she want to do instead? Tell them your concerns. Ask what their plan is. Tell them you are still weighing options, but if they are not in school (and not doing some unpaid, meaningful career activity) you will not be providing free room and board. It might be they haven't really thought it through and having them focus on details a little will help.

Would they consider applying and then make a final decision the summer before? My sister started saying right before college that she didn't want to go, so my mom told her she had to move out a get a job to support herself that summer. She spent about 6 weeks sleeping on a friend's couch and working at Pizza Hut before she suddenly decided that she would go. She loved it and went on to get her Master's.

You better kick that loser to the curb

What is her reasoning? What does she say she wants to do instead of college?

What about a gap year program?

Her feelings may change by next year so don't panic now. If she doesn't go to college, she needs to work full time. Charge her rent so she has to work. Raise the rent each year. See where you are a year after she graduates HS.

I worked full time and after half a year also started going to community college part time.

How do you kick them out? What are the logistics of that, I mean? No, I am not remotely there yet, but I think having a plan would ease some of this new anxiety. We weren't expecting this at all!

Working a crappy job may convince them that college is a pretty good idea.

If my kid is working and not going to school, I would expect them to contribute to the household in some way.
They should pay for their phone, car insurance and a nominal amount of rent.
If they were working and taking classes part time at the community college I would support them more financially but would still expect them to take on some financial responsibility.

Trade school, military, or job that can support herself. No, I would not support financially absent some underlying issue/condition that would make her unsuccessful at any of those 3 other options. And I’d give through the summer since if she was headed to college I would support her through the summer. She’d likely have to live in a large group home likely with shared bedrooms, but that’s life.

DH and I are both from families where college was expected. Prestige and selectivity didn't matter, but you went away, even if only a few hours. Our middle child, a junior, has declared she's not interested in going. Yes, she has the academic ability. Logistically, how would this work after high school graduation? Do we insist she move out immediately? I can't imagine one can support themselves with only a high school diploma, though I know people somehow make it work. Do we help financially? Insist on community college at the very least? Really interested in the nuts and bolts of this decision.