Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parties starting late in 1st and then in 2nd get smaller. 10 kids. Boys and girls both get left out, it happens to everyone. Those 10 kids can include family friends, sports friends, close aged siblings or cousins. Continue all class/all gender parties if that is what you or your DD wants but it doesn't guarantee reciprocal invites. It does help if you are friends with the moms at that age.

My older kids are now tweens/teens. Over on the tween/teen forum, people often talk about their kid being the left out one. My boys were never the left out ones. I have even responded on those threads that I often only take who I can fit in my car so that means closest 4 friends only.

Ugh I feel like my daughter is not the same as my boys. She seems also much more sensitive.

Your daughter IS different. Why the ugh? Different doesn't mean less than

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be a smaller party like 10 and under kids. In these particular situations I always ask myself “would this child make my kid’s top 10” for a smaller party. Are you friends w the mom? Usually that’s a big factor too at this age.

It is one boy and one girl. We are not close to either child or family. As an adult, of course I understand why she wasn’t invited. We haven’t spoken to or hung out with these people all summer. They are not people we are close to. That doesn’t mean that her friends are not going and that the kids are talking about it at school.

It is a tough lesson to learn but, an important one. Perhaps those who were invited are closer?

Parents should teach their kids not to talk about things like parties at school. When I was a kid (in this area) I was raised to believe that was common politeness, as were my friends.

And OP you need to teach your daughter that it's OK for there to be events not everyone is invited to and that it's OK for people to pick their friends. Yes it might sting at times but it's going to be happening for the rest of her life so she should probably start dealing with it now.

The left out kids might have a smaller circle of friends, but that doesn't make it a less meaningful circle. My kids are often the left out ones.

Anonymous wrote:Parties starting late in 1st and then in 2nd get smaller. 10 kids. Boys and girls both get left out, it happens to everyone. Those 10 kids can include family friends, sports friends, close aged siblings or cousins. Continue all class/all gender parties if that is what you or your DD wants but it doesn't guarantee reciprocal invites. It does help if you are friends with the moms at that age.

My older kids are now tweens/teens. Over on the tween/teen forum, people often talk about their kid being the left out one. My boys were never the left out ones. I have even responded on those threads that I often only take who I can fit in my car so that means closest 4 friends only.

Ugh I feel like my daughter is not the same as my boys. She seems also much more sensitive.

Parties starting late in 1st and then in 2nd get smaller. 10 kids. Boys and girls both get left out, it happens to everyone. Those 10 kids can include family friends, sports friends, close aged siblings or cousins. Continue all class/all gender parties if that is what you or your DD wants but it doesn't guarantee reciprocal invites. It does help if you are friends with the moms at that age.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is not popular it’s ok

Between my 3 kids, we have always had parties to attend. We had so many that I took them for granted. We had many family friend birthdays and huge kiddie parties. My older kids I guess were always popular. They are athletic and always played lots of sports with their friends.

DD is different. I don’t know if it just girls or the girls in our neighborhood or that my DD doesn’t love sports. She does like dance but most other girls seem to be doing soccer or swim.

In preschool, kindergarten and first grade, the parties were whole class or all girls.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have 3 kids and for my older kids, they always invited all the boys in their class. Even when my son said he never talked to said boy, we still invited him.

I don’t know if it is a boy vs girl thing but I have never heard my boys mention not being invited to a party. I’m sure there were many parties they weren’t invited to but they never told me. DD talks to me a lot and tells me her disappointment.

We have big parties too. 20 kids, all boys because I hate leaving anyone who is a friend out. Even with that big number we end up leaving out a few kids who aren’t in their group because we don’t keep in touch w the parents. It is disappointing but it’s ok to talk about it with them. You can remind them if they really want to be friends with someone they have to make effort to be closer. Friendships are a two way street that require effort.

Anonymous wrote:By second grade, many birthday parties are smaller and just close friends.

Which kind of sucks for the girls with friends but not close friends

Your kid is not popular it’s ok

For my kids, parties got smaller as kids get older. In preschool, the whole class was invited, in k-1st all the boys/girls were invited, by 2nd-3rd it would be about 10 kids so just the 10 closest friends were invited, by 4th-5th it was just a handful of bff friends and instead of a regular party at a trampoline place or similar it would be 3-5 kids doing a sleepover or maybe all going to an event together.

Anonymous wrote:It could be a smaller party like 10 and under kids. In these particular situations I always ask myself “would this child make my kid’s top 10” for a smaller party. Are you friends w the mom? Usually that’s a big factor too at this age.

It is one boy and one girl. We are not close to either child or family. As an adult, of course I understand why she wasn’t invited. We haven’t spoken to or hung out with these people all summer. They are not people we are close to. That doesn’t mean that her friends are not going and that the kids are talking about it at school.

By second grade, many birthday parties are smaller and just close friends.

Op here. I have 3 kids and for my older kids, they always invited all the boys in their class. Even when my son said he never talked to said boy, we still invited him.

I don’t know if it is a boy vs girl thing but I have never heard my boys mention not being invited to a party. I’m sure there were many parties they weren’t invited to but they never told me. DD talks to me a lot and tells me her disappointment.

It could be a smaller party like 10 and under kids. In these particular situations I always ask myself “would this child make my kid’s top 10” for a smaller party. Are you friends w the mom? Usually that’s a big factor too at this age.

I have seen people post about not inviting the class or all the girls. I always invited everyone.

My kid is in second grade and just said how she didn’t get invited to two kids parties this week. I can see she is bummed as she doesn’t have any plans this weekend.

I have seen for years people wishing people would be inclusive and I finally understand.