Or we are going to Johnny’s football game or we have soccer. We know many families who have multiple kids who play soccer on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:I define a helicopter parent as one who cares so much they will intervene in issues where there child clearly is at fault to prevent a just consequence. Or who will intervene to get their child preference when the kid hasn't earned preference. Or who will some day show up at their kids' job interview when the kid is an adult.

Example: not helicopter parenting to politely teach your middle school aged kid how to ask a coach what they need to do in order to earn more playing time on a sports team. Helicopter parenting to go up to said coach yourself and demand the kid get more playing time without showing any additional effort/skill development.

+1. Some people called me a helicoptor parent because I removed my child from their five growling dogs after arriving to pick them up from a playdate (they are a bit over a year old). I was dismissed as overly anxious, high-strung and a helicoptor parent. Obviously, addressing known safety risks (they had promised to keep the dogs outside for the playdate) is not being a helicoptor parent and LO will not be returning, despite them being DH"s coworkers and our friends. I was attacked viciously by a neighbor's dog as a child and have zero tolerance for risks like that. When we left, their child was on the floor, eating chicken and the dogs were again growling and jostling for pieces because they hadn't been fed on time and it was now several hours after their normal feed time.

People need to adjust their expectations of what actual helicoptor parenting is and understand it harms the child, stunting their development.. preventing a mauling isn't that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Overly enmeshed, invested. Use of “we” to describe the child activities — we are doing soccer this year, we have a math test.

Just chiming in to say this phrasing bugs me, too, and I can't explain why. I realize it's kind of petty. I saw that in the chat group for our grade at the beginning of the school year. "WE have Mrs. Larla!" Uh, no, YOU don't.

I don’t say this. I have heard parents say we though. More like I may ask what they are doing and my friend may say, “we have a basketball tournament” or “we have a dance competition “. I’m not sure how different that is then I have to take Johnny to a basketball tournament.

Anonymous wrote:Aim for tj and/or Ivy League when kids are not capable and don’t want to. Signup kids for sports or/and play music instruments etc for the purpose of college application only and won’t let kids “waste time” nor spend money on activities kids interested in if those show no “value” on HS resume.

Isn’t that a tiger parent?

Anonymous wrote:Overly enmeshed, invested. Use of “we” to describe the child activities — we are doing soccer this year, we have a math test.

Just chiming in to say this phrasing bugs me, too, and I can't explain why. I realize it's kind of petty. I saw that in the chat group for our grade at the beginning of the school year. "WE have Mrs. Larla!" Uh, no, YOU don't.

Aim for tj and/or Ivy League when kids are not capable and don’t want to. Signup kids for sports or/and play music instruments etc for the purpose of college application only and won’t let kids “waste time” nor spend money on activities kids interested in if those show no “value” on HS resume.

To me, a hrr re looter parent is one who does everything for the child. Homework, chores, socializing, everything.
Enjoying a loving family relationship is not helicopter parenting, but DCUM gonna DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:Parents who consistently do things for their child, that he/she should be doing themselves.

This. As well as intervening when they shouldn't. My mom was a helicopter parent. I can remember pretty much begging her not to intervene on things. I never learned to stand up for myself or advocate for myself as a kid and it was hard to learn to do that as an adult. Also, as a result of her helicoptering, I hid things from her. I would try out for things and not tell her because I didn't want to risk not making it and her trying to get me on the thing. Which she did when I was in 7th grade and didn't make the school play.

To me it's a parent who won't let a child fail. Won't let them fall on the playground or struggle socially at school or deal with the consequences of breaking a rule. They hover specifically to prevent failure and if a failure occurs they swoop in to remove their child from the situation entirely so they don't have to feel the failure.

A parent who is very present but still lets their kid struggle and fail is simply involved. I do think there are times when involvement can segue into helicopter parenting. Usually sometime in late elementary or middle school where the parent insists on being physically present in settngs where the kid really *needs* to navigate it alone -- kids need to be able to navigate peer relationships and relationships with coaches and other adults without the parent present at some point. But a parent just being present for a kid up to age 7 or 8 or so but not intervening except when really necessary (someone is being hurt) is totally fine and actually probably helps that kid feel supported.

Parents who consistently do things for their child, that he/she should be doing themselves.

Parents who don't let their children struggle and persevere.

Anonymous wrote:I define a helicopter parent as one who cares so much they will intervene in issues where there child clearly is at fault to prevent a just consequence. Or who will intervene to get their child preference when the kid hasn't earned preference. Or who will some day show up at their kids' job interview when the kid is an adult.

Example: not helicopter parenting to politely teach your middle school aged kid how to ask a coach what they need to do in order to earn more playing time on a sports team. Helicopter parenting to go up to said coach yourself and demand the kid get more playing time without showing any additional effort/skill development.

I agree.

Overly enmeshed, invested. Use of “we” to describe the child activities — we are doing soccer this year, we have a math test.

I define a helicopter parent as one who cares so much they will intervene in issues where there child clearly is at fault to prevent a just consequence. Or who will intervene to get their child preference when the kid hasn't earned preference. Or who will some day show up at their kids' job interview when the kid is an adult.

Example: not helicopter parenting to politely teach your middle school aged kid how to ask a coach what they need to do in order to earn more playing time on a sports team. Helicopter parenting to go up to said coach yourself and demand the kid get more playing time without showing any additional effort/skill development.

I see the term thrown around a lot. Most parents I know care about and are involved in their children’s lives. We dedicate our time to drive our kids to activities and sports. I make sure my kids do their homework. My teen stopped needing me to remind him but when he was in virtual school back in Covid, I would point out all his missing assignments online. I do not consider myself a helicopter parent.

I have friends who drive their kids to gymnastics, dance, soccer, tennis, basketball, swim or ice hockey practice at 5am. I don’t think any of these people are helicopter parents.

Then there are the holier than thou parents who don’t allow screens or phones or sugar and shelter their kids from all things bad in the world. I also don’t fault these parents. They can be kind of annoying but their intentions are good. They want what is best for their kid.

So what exactly is a helicopter parent?
A parent who cares too much?

I think almost every parent I know cares too much. The parents of only children are especially vested in their one child since they have just one.