Anonymous
09/05/2024 08:12
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
This is interesting. Dh and I have always said things like ‘whoever you date’ or ‘your future partner’ etc and that’s where the reaction and insistence comes up. FWIW we used similar language with another dc and did not receive any reactions. Most of our friend and family group is hetero, and DC hangs with a jock crew, so I worry that dc may feel the need overcompensate. But I don’t know. I just want him to be happy of course.
To be fair most parents who use language like that are overdoing it - either as a subtly prying attempt to ask about their kids’ sexuality, or as an effort to showcase how “chill” they are - and that’s obvious to teens.
Op. I don’t totally disagree but what the heck are we supposed to do or say? We used similar language with both dc fwiw. But yeah, teen dc picks up on it right away obviously. Interestingly it was he who talked about it more when he was young, asking questions about whether we’d still love him if X, etc.
Anonymous
09/05/2024 08:09
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
Ohhhhh, we gathered more information at the end there that tells us you confused him and planted the seed.
Yeah. Ok. Whatever.
Not that it matters, but his older brother and older sister are both straight. I genuinely do not care about the sexual orientation of my kids. I wanted them to feel comfortable dating whoever they wanted to date.
Op. Sorry to have encouraged the trolls here in this otherwise helpful conversation
Anonymous
09/05/2024 08:08
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you would get into a conversation where your child was "insisting" one way or another.
Explained above. Dh and I will use gender neutral phrases and DS gets defensive. Other dc does/did not. We don’t ’get Into conversations’, it just comes up and I wonder. Have you ever been a mother? Or parent? Spent years caring for another human being? We tend to know our kids. I’m not going to go into detail here because whatever it is I say, you’ll attack.
Anonymous
09/05/2024 08:01
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
Ohhhhh, we gathered more information at the end there that tells us you confused him and planted the seed.
Yeah. Ok. Whatever.
Not that it matters, but his older brother and older sister are both straight. I genuinely do not care about the sexual orientation of my kids. I wanted them to feel comfortable dating whoever they wanted to date.
Anonymous
09/05/2024 07:19
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
I don't understand how you would get into a conversation where your child was "insisting" one way or another.
Anonymous
09/05/2024 06:58
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
Ohhhhh, we gathered more information at the end there that tells us you confused him and planted the seed.
Anonymous
09/05/2024 06:45
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
This is interesting. Dh and I have always said things like ‘whoever you date’ or ‘your future partner’ etc and that’s where the reaction and insistence comes up. FWIW we used similar language with another dc and did not receive any reactions. Most of our friend and family group is hetero, and DC hangs with a jock crew, so I worry that dc may feel the need overcompensate. But I don’t know. I just want him to be happy of course.
To be fair most parents who use language like that are overdoing it - either as a subtly prying attempt to ask about their kids’ sexuality, or as an effort to showcase how “chill” they are - and that’s obvious to teens.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 17:56
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
This is interesting. Dh and I have always said things like ‘whoever you date’ or ‘your future partner’ etc and that’s where the reaction and insistence comes up. FWIW we used similar language with another dc and did not receive any reactions. Most of our friend and family group is hetero, and DC hangs with a jock crew, so I worry that dc may feel the need overcompensate. But I don’t know. I just want him to be happy of course.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 17:52
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Anonymous wrote:Why would he feel the need to "insist" he is straight? You should not be putting pressure on him to decide or tell you one way or the other.
Why? Ask society, idk. He hangs with a sporty crew so maybe that’s part of it.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 15:19
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
That was my best friend growing up. Our whole group pretty much knew he was gay from maybe 12yo on. It's not like we even discussed it much, but we assumed. We were absolutely shocked when he got a girlfriend when he was 19, like wtf is he doing, he's gay! Turns out he was indeed gay. He's very happily married, with the same guy for 15 years now.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 15:10
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Why would he feel the need to "insist" he is straight? You should not be putting pressure on him to decide or tell you one way or the other.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 14:51
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
We are a 2 mom family and have an adopted child now 12. Pretty sure she’s going to either bi or gay but right now when she talks about crushes or who she likes, it’s all boys. She has a female friend that had a crush on her at one point and they talked about it. DD told friend she didn’t feel the same way, they stayed friends though which I think is kinda mature of both of them.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 14:48
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Yep.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
He is now a sophomore in college. All growing up we always said stuff like "whoever you date" or the "your future partner" or whatever. Never assumed one way or the other. In HS he had a long term girlfriend. Said he loved her. Great. End of Senior year they broke up and he started dating a boy. Great. They broke up during his freshman year in college, but he said the next person he dates will probably be male. Great.
He never insisted he was straight because we never asked so he didn't need to assert anything. We just assumed that for most people sexuality is fluid and as long as he was in healthy relationships we didn't care who his partner was.
- lesbian mom whose parents assumed I was straight and really pressured me to date boys, so I insisted I was straight until I was in my early 20s and finally came out. Been married to my wife for 25y.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 11:15
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
Keep modeling you love your kid. Remind him you are there to support through his growth as a full human. Allow him his own space and time. Good luck!
Anonymous
09/04/2024 08:44
Subject: Anyone with a teen ds who insisted he was straight but came out later?
I’m sure I’ll be flamed for this but curious what other experiences were and if DS exhibited any indications of interest in boys and/or lack of interest in girls. And yes, I’ll love and support DS either way